


A Rhapsody for You and Me

by JS Jamesbrooke (Jaywriter)



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Doctor Clarke, F/F, Minor Character Death, Mom clarke, big secret, cop lexa, long distance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2018-12-16 16:08:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 67,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11832264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaywriter/pseuds/JS%20Jamesbrooke
Summary: Modern AU: They had only just exchanged 'I Love You's' when a phone call sends Clarke running across the country to the home she'd grown up. Lexa goes with her and once there they will have to face a new reality. And Lexa comes face-to-face with the secret Clarke had been keeping. A secret that was 10 years old.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back to writing! YAY! Although this will be my first Clexa and I am really excited about it. Hope you all enjoy. Not sure how beta'd this story will be so hopefully I don't miss to many mistakes.
> 
> Title comes from the song Symphony by Clean Bandit featuring Zara Larsson

Clarke's back hit the door as lips fused with her own. Neither of them could deny the want that flowed between them. Their kiss was pure heaven to her, even as she was conscious of the doorknob digging into her back. Her body pushed closer to her girlfriend letting her feel the passion between them.

She finally managed to pull away and take a deep breath. "Lexa, we need to get into the apartment before we give the neighbors a show," she finally managed to spit out before the other girl tried to start on her again. Lexa just gave her that smirk that made Clarke a puddled mess.

Pulling herself together for the moment, she turned and put her key in the lock and pushed the door open. They'd barely made it into the dark room with the door closed again before Lexa was claiming her once again. Without breaking their kiss, they both managed to drop their jackets to the floor and kick off their shoes.

A strong hand held Lexa's shirt in its fist as Clarke pulled her down the hallway towards the bedroom. She'd contemplated just taking it as far as the couch, but the things she wanted to do to Lexa she needed more room.

Lexa's knees hit the back of the bed and Clarke gave her the smallest of shoves so that she was forced to sit on the bed. Her girlfriend looked up at her with such awe that it made Clarke's heart skip a beat. In those beautiful eyes she could see her future.

As she climbed onto Lexa's lap, she started up another passionate kiss. She hoped that Lexa could feel everything in her touch, because right there was where she wanted to be and she never wanted it to end. In moments, their passion consumed them both.

**~CL~**

Later after their lust had subsided, Clarke laid on her side watching Lexa sleep. There was such an innocence during sleep on an otherwise serious face. She loved looking at that beautiful face. As she ran her hand softly through the brunette locks, she couldn't believe they had been together for over five months now.

She remembered the first time she laid eyes on Officer Lexa Woods like it was yesterday. The young cop was tasked with keeping an eye on a suspect in the ER. Clarke was the intern assigned to the patient during her rotation in the ER. He had dislocated his shoulder trying to evade police and Clarke got to see it put back into place.

Afterwards, as they waited for him to be released, Clarke and Lexa spent some time talking about anything and everything. When she finally had to leave, Clarke wondered if she'd ever see her again, and kicked herself for not getting the other woman's number.

She spent the next couple weeks of her ER rotation just hoping to see Officer Woods again, and she wasn't disappointed when two weeks later the other woman appeared in the waiting room. Unfortunately, Lexa was the patient this time. She'd been injured during a domestic disturbance call and needed stitches in her arm.

As Clarke stitched and bandaged her up the two girls chatted endlessly. Never once was there a lull in the conversation. There was always something to say. But again, Clarke had to kick herself when she failed to get the other woman's number.

It was ten days before Clarke saw her again. This time when Lexa showed up in the waiting room she had a bouquet of flowers in hand and an offer for a date on her lips. She barely managed to ask before Clarke was shouting "yes." This brought a smile to Lexa's lips, the same smile that Clarke knew she'd fall hard for. They'd rarely spent a day apart since that first date, finding any excuse to be together.

"What are you doing?" Lexa mumbled as she slowly opened her eyes.

Pulled from her memories, Clarke smiled down at her lover. "Watching you sleep," she admitted honestly. There wasn't really any reason to lie since she'd been caught.

Lexa 'hmmed' and snuggled further into the covers. She reached out and pulled Clarke to her so that her girlfriend was cuddled into her side with her head on Lexa's shoulder. "As fascinating as that sounds," she murmured teasingly, "I'd rather have you cuddled up with me."

Clarke rubbed her head on Lexa's shoulder and wrapped her arm around the other girl's waist. "I was remembering the day we met," she told her.

"That was one of the best days of my life," Lexa responded. She ran a hand over Clarke's shoulder in a loving caress. "And every day since has only gotten better."

Clarke sat back up just enough to look into Lexa's eyes. She knew her girlfriend was completely serious and she had never felt more loved. "I love you," she whispered, half afraid that Lexa had heard her and half afraid that she hadn't since they hadn't used that word yet.

Lexa studied her for a minute and the smile on her face told Clarke all she needed to know. "I love you, too," finally passed her lips.

Clarke knew the grin on her face was the biggest it had ever been, but she couldn't help it. She couldn't believe that Lexa loved her too. Of course, it was probably pretty obvious since they couldn't stand to be away from each other any longer than necessary, but it was something else entirely to hear the words.

Climbing up so she was laying entirely on Lexa's body, she placed a firm kiss on waiting lips. This time as they made love she would be holding nothing back. She wanted Lexa to know exactly how she felt with every touch and every kiss.

**~CL~**

By nature, Clarke was a fairly light sleeper. Working at the hospital has only made that even more so. So, she couldn't say what woke her this time, but whatever it was, wasn't a good feeling. She felt like something bad was coming her way.

A part of her feared it was because Lexa had admitted to loving her. It was only now that she again remembered there was something she hadn't told her girlfriend. She wasn't entirely sure how it would go over when she finally did come clean about the one secret she'd been keeping.

She hadn't done it intentionally. At first, she didn't know how their serious their relationship would get and so if they split after only a few weeks it wouldn't matter. The more serious they became, the more Clarke tried to find the courage to spill the beans. But then the worry would fill her mind and she'd chicken out. She wasn't sure how Lexa would react to her not telling her soon.

The longer she kept it quiet, the easier it was to pretend that it wasn't even an issue. She couldn't pretend any more. Lexa needed to know the truth. She just hoped the other girl would be understanding. And she really hoped that the bad feeling in her gut wasn't an indication that Lexa would leave her.

She continued to stew for another half hour before Lexa again began to stir. It was far too early to be awake, but she could feel the emotions coming off Clarke and forced herself to wake up. "What's with the serious face?" she asked. She laid a hand on a soft cheek in a comforting gesture and Clarke surrendered to the touch.

The younger woman took a long sigh. "There's something that I need to tell you. I'm sorry that I haven't mentioned it before. It just one of those things I never knew when the right time was to bring up," she tried and again hoped that Lexa would understand.

"What is it?" Lexa asked. She hoped she was conveying to Clarke that she could tell her anything and it wouldn't change things. She had no idea what Clarke was holding on to, but she knew it was big, but she honestly believed that whatever it was, they could work through it.

"I… uh…" Clarke started, trying to gather her thoughts and find the right way to say what she needed to. "I have…" her sentence was interrupted by the ringing of her cell phone. She wasn't on-call so she couldn't imagine who was calling at three-thirty in the morning. When she saw the California area code she was filled with dread once again, but this time for a whole different reason.

"Sorry I need to take this," she explained to Lexa. The other girl could only give her the go ahead, because she also knew this probably wasn't anything good.

"Hello, yes this is her," Clarke spoke to the caller.

Lexa watched carefully as the color slowly drained from Clarke's face and tears began to pool in the eyes she loved so much. Clarke gasped and dropped the phone as both hands came up to cover her face.

When she could hear the caller still speaking from the phone on the bed, Lexa picked it up and identified herself. Whatever it was, Clarke was in no condition to finish the conversation. She listened in quiet horror as she found out the news her girlfriend had just received. "We'll be out there just as soon as we can," she told the officer. She hung up the phone and dropped it back onto the bed.

No sooner had she opened her arms than Clarke was falling into her, hot tears wetting Lexa's shoulder. Neither seemed to take notice of the fact that they were both still naked as Clarke cried quietly. Lexa didn't know what to do or say so she just held Clarke and let her get it all out.

It took a while, but Lexa finally felt her sobs quiet but still she just sat there and let Clarke take the lead. "My mom, she's in critical condition," Clarke finally spoke in a sob. "And my dad… my dad… he's… gone," she spoke in almost a whisper and the tears started again.

"I know, sweetheart. I know," Lexa pulled her in tighter. When the tears seemed to slow a second time, she pulled away just enough to look into her girlfriend's eyes. "Why don't you put some clothes on and then pack up some clothes. I'll see about getting us some plane tickets," she suggested.

Clarke nodded her head and then got up to do what she was told. It was almost in a daze as she did what Lexa had suggested, grateful to have something else to focus on for the moment.

Lexa threw on some clothes before going in search of her own phone. She kept an eye on the distraught girl as she looked through airlines trying to find the earliest flight to California. Once she had those booked, she found a car service to pick them up. She didn't know how long they'd be gone and didn't want to leave one of their vehicles at that airport.

It wasn't even a question in her mind that she was going with Clarke. And not just because Clarke was too upset to even think straight, much less get herself across the country by herself. She couldn't bear to be away from her when she knew Clarke would need her more than ever.

As she went to find a spare suitcase, she was glad that she practically lived in this apartment now. She had enough clothing and things that they wouldn't even need to stop at her own place. She decided to err on the side of caution and pack for more than a week. They may be gone longer, but at least it would be awhile before she needed to do laundry.

Clarke for her part had managed to throw clothes into her own case, but now she just stood in front of her closet, in only a bra and underwear, unsure of what to do next. Her mind was totally blank and she couldn't process a single thought.

"Clarke, why don't you put on something comfortable for the plane ride," Lexa tried, but got no response. Taking a more aggressive approach, she found a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants and helped Clarke into them. She was half hoping that if she was comfortable enough, Clarke would sleep on the plane. She knew the other girl had to be exhausted since they hadn't slept a whole lot and it wasn't even five in the morning yet. And with the change in time zones it would be a long day.

She couldn't even begin to imagine what the other girl was going through. She wasn't close to her parents, barely knew them, actually. That, however, wasn't the case for Clarke. She spoke with her parents at least once a week and sometimes more. Although Clarke didn't talk about them much with Lexa, she couldn't help but wonder why. She figured that maybe it was just out of consideration for her own situation. She wasn't sure. Either way she had a feeling this was going to change.

She finally managed to get them both ready and down to the car just as it arrived. She knew they would be spending a little bit of time at the airport, but she wanted to make sure they had enough time to get through check-in and find their terminal.

It was like Clarke was a zombie as she guided them both through the airport. She had planned ahead and put both their ID's in her wallet so she wouldn't have to make Clarke find it when the time came. Not that she'd be capable of that in her current state.

They weren't in the air long when Clarke's exhaustion took hold and she fell asleep on Lexa's shoulder. The other woman just held her as she slumbered and hoped that she'd sleep the whole way. Maybe by the time they landed Clarke would be able to function just a little bit better. It hurt her own heart to see her girlfriend's eyes so devoid of life. Eyes that were normally so expressive.

Lexa was glad she'd found a non-stop flight because it allowed Clarke to sleep the entire way. Lexa had joined her in slumber for a little while, but her worry kept brain to active to get any true rest.

Clarke woke just as they were coming into LAX and her eyes watched out the window of city she'd grown up in. Although they'd lived outside of LA, her family had spent a good deal of time in the city. It had been too long since she'd been home.

Although she was more alert now, she continued to let Lexa take the lead and guide them through the airport to gather their luggage. They found a cab easily enough and the cab driver knew the hospital Clarke's mother was at. It was relief since Lexa didn't know the address.

They were well on their way when a thought popped into Clarke's mind. "Avery!" she screamed, speaking for the first time in hours. "Who's with Avery?" she asked in a panic. She knew they were close to the hospital but that wasn't where they needed to be, at least not until she knew who had Avery.

"Sweetie, who is Avery?" Lexa asked curiously. She couldn't ever remember hearing that name before. She wracked her brain for any mention of an Avery, but came up blank. Did Clarke have a younger sibling she didn't know about?

Clarke didn't bother answering Lexa's question, to lost in asking herself what should take priority. Going to the hospital to see her comatose mother, and identifying her father's body, or checking on Avery? In the end, she rambled off her old home address to the cab driver. There wasn't much she could do for her parents but she needed to make sure Avery was okay.

Lexa realized it was probably better in the long run to stop at Clarke's parent's house anyway. That way they would have to drag their luggage through the hospital. She just hoped she found out who Avery was soon.

Once they pulled into the driveway, Clarke tried to gather herself together. As much as she was falling apart inside, she needed to keep it together for Avery. She'd made a lot of mistakes in her life, but how she chose to handle this would not be one of those mistakes. She would do everything to protect Avery.

Lexa couldn't believe the change that had come over Clarke as they pulled the suitcases out of the back of the cab and made their way to the door. Gone was the complete distraught look and in its place was a determined mask.

Clarke tried the door, happy to find it unlocked because she had no idea where her keys were or if they were even here. She was pleasantly surprised to find Mrs. Kane, the next-door neighbor, in the kitchen making some pancakes. At least someone she trusted was here with Avery.

As soon as the older woman saw Clarke, she turned the stove off and moved to wrap her in a hug. Clarke wrapped her arms around the other woman and tried not to let the tears flow again. She couldn't risk it right now.

"I'm so sorry, little one," the neighbor told her.

"How's Avery? What does she know?" Clarke asked quickly.

"She's fine, just upstairs getting dressed. She doesn't know anything. I didn't think it was my place, especially when Officer Miller called and told me you were coming home."

Clarke nodded her head in gratitude. "It should come from me," she agreed.

The older woman turned her head to look at Lexa curiously. "And who is this?" She'd known Clarke since she was an itty-bitty thing and the young woman had never brought anyone home to meet her parents, but if this girl was by Clarke's side during this tragedy, then she must be special.

"This is my girlfriend, Lexa," Clarke introduced. "Lexa, Mrs. Kane is the next-door neighbor and good friend of the family. She used to baby-sit me while my parents were at work," she added so that Lexa understood how important this woman was to her family.

"Pleasure to meet you, even under less than ideal circumstances," Mrs. Kane greeted, shaking Lexa's hand."

"You, too."

"Well I'll get out of your hair for now. There's plenty of food for breakfast. I'm sure you girls haven't eaten. I'll be back tonight to fix you all some dinner."

"You don't have to do that," Clarke tried to argue, but the old woman just waved her hand and wandered out the backdoor. Their yards were connected so it was the easiest way back to her own home.

There wasn't enough time to even gather a thought when they both heard footsteps coming down the stairs. Lexa saw a blonde girl who couldn't be more than ten enter the room.

It took Avery a second to adjust to not seeing the woman she was expecting to see in the kitchen and someone else was in her place. When it finally registered with her, she squealed and ran up to Clarke, wrapping her arms around her in a giant hug.

"I didn't know you were coming, Mom," Avery squealed again. "Was it a surprise? How come grandma and grandpa didn't tell me? And do you know where they are? Cause I thought they'd both be home this morning but Mrs. Kane was here instead," she fired in rapid succession, making it hard for Clarke to even get a word in. "And who is that?" she asked and pointed at Lexa.

Lexa for her part could only stare on at the pair before her. The word 'mom' kept going around in her head.

"That is my girlfriend, Lexa," Clarke told Avery. She turned the other girl around with her hands on the girl's shoulders so they were both facing Lexa. "Lex, this is my daughter, Avery."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea for this story came from watching Disney Channel's Andi Mack. I love the relationship between Bex and Andi. So I hope you all enjoy it because I'm really loving writing this one. I will try to update once a week unless life gets in the way. So enjoy chapter 2.
> 
> Thank you all for your comments and Kudos. I really appreciate them. Also if anyone has any interest in being my beta hit me up. I don't feel like I'm probably doing a great job trying to edit myself. I will probably take the first person the offers as well.

**Chapter 2**

"Lexa? This is Lexa?" Avery screams before Lexa can even form a coherent thought. She ran up to the other woman and wrapped her arms around her. Lexa could do nothing but hesitantly return the gesture.

Avery looked up at Lexa but didn't let go. "Mom told me all about you. She said you were so pretty," the kid rambled on. Clarke tried to stop her, but it did no good. "I think she lied though."

Clarke looked embarrassed and turned to her daughter, "Avery!"

"No, she's beautiful," Avery finished with a smile. The kid knew she'd just embarrassed her mother, but it was so much fun to see the looks on both their faces.

Lexa for her part tried to hide her blush, but it didn't work. This kid was charmer just like her mother. Still she had so many questions. Like why didn't she know that Clarke even had a kid.

"Avery, why don't you get yourself a plate and eat some breakfast, I need to talk to Lexa for a minute," Clarke told the girl.

Once Avery was seated at the kitchen table, Clarke took Lexa's hand and lead her out of the room. Clarke took a seat on the couch and Lexa followed suit. Although she sat forward, on the edge of the seat as if she was ready to bolt at any minute. This was not how Clarke wanted Lexa to find out, but this was where they were.

"You have a daughter," Lexa spoke quietly, not sure how well sound travelled through the house. "Is this what you were trying to tell me? Before, I mean?" she didn't need to add what she was referring to.

"It was," Clarke admitted. At least she could honestly say she had been trying to tell Lexa, fate just had different ideas it seemed.

Lexa took a sigh a sat back a little more. She trusted Clarke, so if she said she was going to tell her, she believed her. It made her feel a little bit better that she didn't just find out because of the circumstances. "Why have you never told me?"

"I could never find the right time to bring it up. I'll tell you the whole story though I promise. We don't have time for it right now, unfortunately."

"Yeah, I know," Lexa agreed. She knew Clarke wanted to get to the hospital as quickly as she could. She also knew that her girlfriend needed to have a very serious conversation with the little girl in the other room, so she understood that she would have to wait.

"Short version is that I made a stupid decision and ended up pregnant in high school. My parents and I decided to keep the baby and that they'd help with raising her since I would be so busy with college and med school. I do help out though, when I can. I fed her, changed diapers and all of that before I left for college. She's always known I was her mother, although we probably have more of a sibling relationship because of the circumstances."

Lexa nodded in understanding. Clarke had told her on one of their first dates that she had wanted to be a doctor for as long as she could remember. She got good grades in school and studied hard through college and later med school. Lexa knew she was probably one of the most dedicated students because that was just who Clarke was.

"Are we okay?" Clarke asked hesitantly.

Lexa smiled and wrapped Clarke into a tight hug. "We are okay," she promised. And she meant it. Clarke having a child didn't really change anything, not really. Or at least it had no bearing on their past, since Avery lived with her grandparents. She wasn't sure what it meant for their future though. "I still want to hear the full story when there's time."

"You will, I promise," Clarke told her. "Unfortunately, I'm going to have to break some even worse news to a very sweet little girl," she spoke softly and tried not to let the tears pour again.

"Do you want to be alone when you tell her?"

"No, I need you with me. Besides, she already knows who you are and how important you are to me," Clarke admitted. Even though she didn't mention Avery to Lexa, the same couldn't be said the other way around. Lexa had been a topic of conversation for many phone calls with Avery. She hadn't lied when she told Lexa they had more of a sibling relationship. She talked to Avery like she would a little sister, confided in her at times. "Just stay here a minute and I'll go check on her."

When Clarke entered the kitchen, she saw Avery was just getting up to take care of her dishes. "Come into the living room when you're done," she told her daughter.

Back in the other room, Clarke sat beside Lexa again and took her hand for comfort. Avery paused in the doorway when saw the look on her mother and Lexa's face. She knew whatever was going on, she wasn't going to like it. "Come sit with us," Clarke waved her over.

Avery sat hesitantly on the couch and then fidgeted around in an attempt to get comfortable. Clarke knew what Avery was trying to do and decided to pull the girl into her lap. She wrapped her arms around her and gave her a tight squeeze. They'd done this often when Avery was still a toddler, but had stopped by the time Clarke entered med school and Avery started kindergarten.

"What's going on, Mom?" the girl finally asked.

Clarke took a deep breath as she prepared herself for what she had to say. "You know how Grandma and Grandpa like to go to their favorite restaurant on date night?" Avery nodded her head. "Well last night something bad happened there."

"What happened?"

"I don't think you need to hear that part. Besides, I don't know all the details anyway, just what the cop told me on the phone. What you need to know is that Grandma is really hurt. She's in the hospital right now." There was no reason to scare her daughter with the truth of what had happened. That both elder Griffins had been shot. And what she said was true, she didn't know all the details, just that some guy had entered the restaurant with a gun.

"What about Grandpa?"

For a moment they all just sat there in silence. Clarke wished with everything in her that she didn't have to tell her daughter that the man that had raised her was dead. It wasn't fair that her little girl even had to know that death existed. "Grandpa was hurt really badly, the doctors did everything they could."

Avery knew what that meant. Her grandma was a doctor and so was her mother. That was what they told you when someone was dead. Avery sniveled and turned her head into Clarke's shirt and cried. Clarke knew she didn't have to say the words, her daughter understood.

Lexa was surprised when Avery reached out to her too. The three of them sat there in an awkward hug while Avery cried herself out. The older girl didn't have a lot of experience with children, but this was one time she was going to have to learn. She didn't think it would be that hard to fall in love with Avery though, she was a mini Clarke.

When the girl's tears had subsided, Clarke coaxed her to go get her shoes on so they could head to the hospital. While Avery was upstairs, Clarke guided Lexa back to into the kitchen and over to the garage door. She was grateful to find her mother's keys hanging where they always were. Eventually they'd need to go pick her dad's truck up from the restaurant, but for now taking her mom's would be the best option.

"Are you going to be okay to drive?"

Clarke only nodded. She knew she had to keep it together for Avery more than anything else and so it was easy to pull herself together. She may not have raised her child, but it didn't mean she didn't feel responsible for her.

The drive was mostly quiet, except for the radio playing softly so that it wasn't completely silent. Clarke navigated through the familiar streets, more than a little grateful that they'd taken her mother to the hospital that the elder Griffin worked at. The staff had known her since she was a small child so it probably wouldn't be hard to get answers out of people.

She decided to take advantage of having her mother's car and pull into her assigned parking space. She probably wasn't in any shape to remember where they'd parked if it was anywhere else. They all got out of the car and Clarke took Lexa's with one hand and Avery with the other as they made their way towards the nearest entrance. "We need to go pick up my dad's truck when we leave," Clarke told Lexa quietly.

Just inside the door was a small information desk and it didn't surprise Clarke one bit to see a familiar face. She couldn't remember a day where Jane wasn't there greeting people as they came in.

As soon as the older woman recognized Clarke, she was on her feet and pulling the girl into a tight hug. "It's so good to see you Clarke, it's been too long. I'm sorry it's under such terrible circumstances."

Clarke tried to offer a smile. It wasn't a surprise that Jane knew why she was there, the whole hospital probably knew what had happened. "What room is my mom in?"

Jane went back behind the desk and typed in Abby's name. "She's up on the 3rd floor, room 3201. It looks like they've taken her for some tests though so she's not due to be back in her room just yet. I know they need to see you downstairs as well," she told the younger girl as understandingly as she could.

Clarke nodded, because she knew what that meant. She had known she was going to have to identify her father just for legal purposes. She had been hoping to put it off a little longer, but maybe it would be better just to get it done. As much as she wanted Lexa there with her when she did, she didn't want Avery to have to see that, so she didn't know what to do.

Jane saw the way that Clarke held tightly to the hand of the girl that had accompanied her and she could see the indecision on her face. It only took her a moment to read the situation. "Why don't you leave Avery up here with me for a bit," she offered.

Clarke soured with gratitude at the offer. "Is that okay with you, Avery? I've got to take care of a couple things but then we can go see grandma when she's done with her tests."

Avery knew what was downstairs as well. Her mom wasn't the only one that spent time in this hospital. She knew they were trying to protect her from something, but she wasn't in a frame of mind to argue so she just walked behind the desk and took a seat in the extra chair. It wasn't like it was the first time she'd hung out with Jane.

Clarke leaned over the desk and gave her daughter a kiss on the head, promising she wouldn't be gone too long. Then she took Lexa's hand and guided her towards the elevator. Once they were inside, Lexa pulled Clarke into her arms and held her, knowing how much the other girl needed her right then.

Every step towards the morgue was slow and hesitate but unfortunately did not take as long as Clarke would have liked. Through the window that looked into the front office of the morgue she could see two officers, one man and one woman who were both chatting with the morgue attendant. As soon as she opened the door and heard the male officer speak, she knew he had been the one to call her.

"I'm um, Clarke Griffin," she introduced herself to the officers and the morgue attendant.

Both officers stood and the young man held out his hand to her. "I'm Officer Miller, and this is my partner Officer Monroe. We're sorry about your loss." He'd already told her that on the phone, but he knew she probably hadn't heard it then.

"I would say it's a pleasure to meet you, but…" Clarke was pretty sure she didn't need to finish her sentence. "Let's just get this over with please."

They led her into a large, cold room. She could feel how sterile it was in every part of her body, how utterly lifeless and she couldn't wait to leave. The attendant pulled the sheet down just enough to see her father's face. She didn't hold back the tears this time as she looked down at the man who had raised her.

"That's him," she cried. "That's Jake Griffin," she repeated because she knew they needed a full identification for their case. Both officers nodded and then left, giving her a moment with her father.

Lexa kept a hand on Clarke's arm as the other girl grieved for dad. The other woman reached out and touched his cold cheek. "I love you, Dad," she whispered. "Get me out of here," she told Lexa as she turned away.

Once they were back in the office, Clarke was glad to see the officers hadn't left yet. "I need to know what happened. The whole story."

"We can't tell you everything, but I'll tell you what I can," officer Miller started. "We're unclear on some of the details, but what we know is a young man entered the restaurant where your parents were eating. His ex-girlfriend was also there on a date with someone and he decided to show up with a gun. He fired off several shots and we believe that one of them hit your mother as well as a few other patrons. Your father, trying to protect your mother, and everyone else there, attempted to take the guy down himself. They fought for several minutes but your father took a bullet to the chest in the scuffle."

As the tears poured down Clarke's face, Lexa pulled her to her chest holding her as she cried. She couldn't even imagine what was going on in Clarke's mind right then.

"Your father was a hero," officer Monroe offered. "The suspect had several rounds of ammunition and we're pretty sure a lot more people would have become his victims. Your dad held him off long enough for us to get there and arrest him. He made it to the hospital, but there was just too much damage."

A part of Clarke felt better knowing her dad had gone down protecting others. That was who her father was by nature. His death hadn't been in vain. And her mother might just survive thanks to him.

As soon as she'd pulled herself back together, Clarke and Lexa made their way back up to the first floor to grab Avery. The girl didn't bother to ask any questions and Clarke was grateful for that. She wasn't sure she could talk without losing it again.

Again, piling into the elevator, they made their way up to the third floor. Clarke led them easily through the hallways, not bothering to read any signs. This was her mother's floor, she knew it by heart.

One of her mother's favorite nurses was at the nurses' station and Clarke was grateful to see a friendly face. "Harper, is my mother back in her room yet?"

"Clarke, you made it," Harper smiled. "Yes, they've just brought her back up and gotten her settled. She's still asleep but I'll let her doctor know you're here."

"Thanks."

Clarke held her girls in each of her hands as they made their way towards room 3201. She hesitated for a moment before walking through the door. She saw patients like this all the time, but knowing this was her mother wasn't easy to swallow.

Although she just looked like she was sleeping, the tubs and wires suggested otherwise. Dropping both hands, Clarke went up to her mother's bed and placed a kiss on her mother's forehead. "I'm here, mom," she whispered. "Do you want to come see grandma?" Clarke asked Avery when she noticed the girl glued to the door.

Avery shook her head no, but she did walk into the room. She went and sat in a chair by the window trying to look anywhere but at her grandmother. Clarke let her be because she knew how hard this probably was to the girl.

She pulled up a chair to her mother's bed and once she was seated she took her mom's hand in her own. Lexa did the same, wanting to be near if Clarke needed her.

The only sounds in the room for the next fifteen minutes was the machines that were currently connected to her mother. No one bothered to speak, so it was startling to hear a knock on the door.

Clarke smiled huge when she recognized her mother's doctor. "Monty, you're my mom's doctor?"

"Of course, I wouldn't let anyone else touch her," he smiled.

"Lexa, this is Monty Green, Dr. Green," she corrected with a hint of disbelief. "We went to the same med school, although he was a few years ahead of me. He was my mom's fellow not too long ago, she trained him. This is my girlfriend, Lexa," she introduced.

"Someone finally nabbed your attention?" Monty teased.

"Oh, shut up and tell me how my mom is."

"Well the bullet went straight through and didn't hit any organs so for that we are lucky. However, it did graze the bottom part of her spinal cord. It didn't seem to do any serious physical damage that we could see, but we can't know how the nerves were affected. So, until she wakes up and we run some tests we won't know the extent of the damage."

"Worse case, she's paralyzed," Clarke finished. She knew as well as Monty did that injuries to the spinal cord could be bad.

"Let's just hope for the best scenario. We'll just cross our fingers that no permanent damage was done and we'll get her back on her feet in no time."

Clarke knew what Monty was trying to do, he was trying to be her friend and not just her mom's doctor right then. But as she looked at her mother lying there on that bed, she could help but fear the worst. And she had no idea what she could do about it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you get an extra chapter this week because I got fairly drunk last night so I didn't go to work today and I'm bored.

**Chapter 3**

Knowing that her mom might be paralyzed was bad enough, but the next thing to come out of Dr. Green's mouth was probably even worse.

"There's one other thing you should know," he started. "She doesn't know about your dad. She was pretty out of it from the blood loss when the paramedics got to her, it's possible she doesn't even know he was shot."

Life was really trying to kick her in the teeth, Clarke decided. Not only did she have to tell her daughter, but now she would also have to inform her mother that her husband was dead. It wasn't fair.

"I could be the one to tell her when she wakes up," Monty offered.

Clarke wanted nothing more than to take him up on his offer, but she knew that wouldn't be right. Maybe he could give her the details of Jake passing if she wanted them, but Clarke needed to be the one to give her the initial news. Her mom might have a hard time believing it otherwise. "No, that's okay," she declined. "I will tell her."

"Alright then, let me know if you need anything. Even if I'm not here you can have the nurses page me. Dr. Griffin trained me, so I'll do anything I can for her," he offered.

"When do you expect she'll wake up?" Clarke asked.

"I'm keeping her sedated for now. I want to give her body some time to recuperate from the blood loss and surgery. If her stats stay where I want them to then I think we should be okay to wake her back up tomorrow. I'm sure it's not what you wanted to hear."

Clarke sighed, because she did understand where Monty was coming from. It might not be how she had chosen to deal with a patient, but she knew enough to understand why he was going about her mom's treatment this way. She would to know what they were dealing with, but she resigned to the fact that it would have to wait until tomorrow.

"You're welcome to stay as long as you'd like though."

"Thanks, Monty."

Clarke watched him leave the room before turning back to her mother. Again, she took her hand and just held onto it in silence. She didn't always get along with her mother. And boy did they ever fight when she got pregnant. It was like world war three in that house for almost two weeks. Eventually, Jake sat them both down and made them talk without arguing.

The rest of her pregnancy they seemed to walk on needles around each other, never wanting to piss the other one off. Although that was hard with Abby watching Clarke's every move and Clarke just wanting some space. It all changed when she went into labor because the only one she wanted anywhere near her was her mother. Her dad wisely chose to stay out in the waiting room.

Their relationship evolved that day into the one they had now. Abby stepped back and let Clarke take care of Avery when she wanted to, but she stepped in when Clarke was unable to. The day she left for college had been hard because she wasn't just leaving home, she was leaving her one-year old. Both mothers knew it would be for the best though in the long run. Neither of them ever ignored the other one's place in Avery's life.

"You okay, sweetheart," Lexa asked quietly. Her girlfriend had been silent for several hours now. She knew she was lost somewhere in her own mind, she needed to know she was okay though.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Clarke responded after a moment. "I was just lost in some memories for a moment." She turned to find her daughter staring out the window as she had pretty much since they entered the room. "Come over here and sit with me, Avery," she called.

Avery seemed to react to Clarke's voice, but still didn't make a move to even turn around. Clarke couldn't imagine how scary this was for her little girl, but she knew she needed to provide some reassurance. "Please, I want to tell you a story."

It took a moment, but Avery decided that she wanted to hear whatever story it was her mother had to tell, so she got up. When Clarke patted her leg, Avery climbed onto it easily enough, although her boney butt dug into Clarke's legs, she didn't react.

"You're almost getting to big to sit in my lap," Clarke gave her a smile.

"What's the story?"

"Did I ever tell you about the day you were born?" Clarke started. Avery shook her head no. "I went to school like it was any other morning because I had a test I just couldn't miss later in the day. So, I went to my first class and I just knew that something good was going to happen that day. And then on my way to my second class I knew I was going into labor, but I had my test in my third class. The pain wasn't that bad, so I just went to class. And you know I did fine, started on my test and got about half way through when I knew I couldn't ignore the labor any longer, you were trying very hard to get out."

"Did you finish your test?" Lexa asked, as intrigued with this story as Avery was. It was a new piece of Clarke she was getting to see, and she couldn't say she minded.

"It was a multiple-choice test, so I quickly filled in all the bubbles without reading the questions and turned it in. I told my teacher I needed to go to the bathroom, and it was a good thing I did because I soon as I made it into a stall my water broke. Thank you by the way for not embarrassing me with that all over the floor," she told Avery. She hugged her daughter close and kissed the side of her head.

"I called your grandmother and she dropped everything to come and get me. She was like a maniac yelling at everyone, nurses, doctors, it didn't matter. She barely even seemed to remember that those people were her friends." Clarke smiled at the memory. She'd never seen her mother's co-workers that scared of her before and it kind of amused her, or it would have if she wasn't in so much pain at the time.

"Finally, after hours and hours of labor, you came screaming into the world. You cried the whole time they were cleaning you up but as soon as the nurse handed you to your grandma you just stopped. She looked down at you with the biggest smile I'd ever seen. She walked over and laid you on my chest and just stood there watching. She said you were the most beautiful baby she had ever seen. Even prettier than me, her own daughter."

"Well, can't help if it's the truth," Avery teased her mother. "What did Grandpa do?"

There was a pang in Clarke's heart at the mention of her father, but she knew why Avery was asking. "He went running down the halls telling everyone who would listen that he had a granddaughter. They were both so happy you joined our family."

Clarke was lucky, she knew that. So many things could have happened. She'd heard of girls kicked out of their homes, even living on the streets because they got pregnant. Others who had kept their babies but had to drop out of school. She'd never had to worry about any of that.

She would be lying though if she didn't doubt her choices every day. Not the having Avery part, never that. The choice to let her parent's raise her. It haunted her every day. She loved her daughter, she really and truly did. Walking away from her had been the hardest thing she'd ever done and she'd cried herself to sleep several times over it. But when she looked at Avery, she felt just a little bit better because her daughter was a happy little girl. She was healthy and loved. So, she knew at the time it was the best choice she could have made.

They fell back into silence after that, but Avery stayed where she was. She even reached out and touched her grandmother for a moment.

But as Abby continued to slumber, it was clear Avery was becoming a little uneasy with the situation. Lexa saw this but she didn't think Clarke did. The other woman seemed to be keeping an eye on the monitors like they had all the answers, and maybe to Clarke they did.

"Hey, Avery, why don't you and I go find some lunch. I'm sure you must be hungry again," Lexa offered. "I'm sure you know the way to the cafeteria and I don't." She couldn't even tell if Clarke heard her, but Avery seemed happy at the chance to leave, even for a little while. She hopped off Clarke's lap and held a hand out for Lexa to take.

They didn't leave right away, instead Lexa leaned down so she was close to Clarke's ear. "We'll be back in a little bit. We'll bring you something to eat," she promised.

"I'm not hungry," Clarke responded with almost no emotion.

"You still need to eat. We haven't eaten since dinner last night. That's not good." Clarke only nodded but Lexa knew it was the only acknowledgement she was going to get. "Let's go, kiddo."

Lexa knew she could read the signs to find her away around the building but she let Avery lead them. She was pretty sure that Avery led them through hallways they probably weren't normally supposed to be in, but no one seemed to say anything, a few even greeted Avery as they went.

The cafeteria had over a dozen different stations, each with a different type of food. Avery pulled her straight over to the burger place and got in line. It didn't even surprise her as this was what Clarke would have chosen as well. Lexa would have chosen the Chinese place but she didn't want to wait in two lines, so she figured it would be burgers for all three of them.

"Mom likes the straight fries, not the curly," Avery offered.

Lexa already knew this, but she didn't tell Avery that, letting the girl think she'd helped in some way. "What about you?"

"I like the curly ones," the girl smiled.

"Me too," she confided. Lexa turned back to the gentleman that was taking their order. "Can we get three burger meals. Two with curly fries and one with the Homestyle."

As they headed back towards the elevators, they passed by the gift shop. "Why don't we get some flowers or something for your grandma's room?"

Avery seemed to love this idea and practically tossed her boxed up lunch at Lexa so she could start browsing the shop. Lexa let her pick out whatever she wanted, not even batting an eye at the price tags. She didn't know if it was just because she wanted Avery to like her, or if she just wanted to help the little girl feel better about the situation, she just handed over her credit card when Avery was done shopping.

"Grandma loves flowers, but she always says she prefers a plant she can put in the yard, flowers just die," Avery informed her as they made their way back to Abby's room. "She loves tigers though so I think she'll love this stuffed animal we got her."

Lexa just smiled down at her. "I think she'd love anything you brought her because it came from you."

Once they got back to the room, Avery went around placing the flowers and the stuffed animal up where her grandma could see it when she woke up. She wanted it to be the first thing she saw so she'd know that Avery was here.

When they had entered the room, Clarke was just hanging up her phone. She looked agitated, but didn't offer up anything about the phone call, so Lexa didn't ask. If Clarke wanted her to know she'd tell her.

Lexa tried several times to coax Clarke to eat. She was about ready to feed the girl like a child when Clarke finally picked up a French fry and put it in her mouth. She only ate about half of her food, but Lexa was glad she'd at least put something in her stomach.

Later Lexa and Avery went for a walk to get out of the room again. She knew Avery was not so happy to be cooped up in that little room all day and was beginning to wonder how long Clarke wanted to stay. With the knowledge that Abby wouldn't be waking until tomorrow she was hoping that Clarke would be okay with leaving soon.

Maybe she needed to have a talk with her girlfriend, but not with their young charge present. She saw the nurse she'd met early. Harper, she thought Clarke had called her. She didn't know this girl, but the Griffins did, so maybe it was okay to ask for a favor. "I know we don't know each other," Lexa started as she leaned over to talk quietly with the nurse. She was glad that Avery was currently watching the fish tank nearby. "But I need a favor."

"You're Clarke's girlfriend, right?"

"Yes, I am," Lexa confirmed.

"Then ask away."

"I just need to talk to Clarke alone, without little ears present."

Harper looked over at Avery and smiled. "Say no more, I'll keep her entertained."

"Thank you. It shouldn't be long, I hope."

Lexa moved quickly down the hallway with determination. When Clarke didn't even react to her presence, she took her seat again next to Clarke and took the woman's face in her hands. She needed Clarke to hear her.

"Clarke, I know you want to sit here all day and night. I know you want to keep watch and check your mom's chart and everything. But it's not fair to Avery. She's too young to sit here all day."

Clarke seemed to think it over and realize that Lexa was right. It wasn't fair to Avery to make her sit there all day with them. She loved her grandma but Clarke knew she didn't like seeing her like that. "Why don't you…"

Lexa held up her hand, she knew what the other woman was going to say before she said it. "No, I am not the one she needs, she doesn't even really know me yet. I'm happy to help you with her, but tonight she needs some form of familiarity because her whole world has changed."

Clarke could only agree at that. Both of their worlds had change, but she could adapt more easily. "Alright just give me a couple minutes and we'll go home."

"We'll wait for you at the fish tanks." Lexa gave her shoulder a squeeze and then walked out to meet back up with Avery. It wasn't long before the girl was leading them out of the hospital with a promise to be back the next morning.

As she drove through the streets, Clarke remembered they still needed to pick up her father's truck so she turned down a side street and made her way through town. "Do you want to drive this car or my dad's?" she asked as they pulled into the parking lot. "Actually, do you know how to drive a stick?"

"No," Lexa admitted.

"Alright, I'll take dad's then. Avery, you want to ride with me?" Clarke asked as she exited the vehicle.

"I'll stay with Lexa, just in case she gets lost," Avery teased. She wasn't ready to ride in her grandpa's truck without him, but she wouldn't tell her mother that.

"Gee thanks, kid," Lexa smiled.

"Okay, I'll drive slow so you can follow me, but if we get separated, call me if you need too."

As promised Clarke drove carefully so she didn't lose Lexa and they made it home without much incident. "How about we order some pizza?" she asked as they piled into the living room and settled on the couch.

"Grandma doesn't like it when we do that," Avery reminded her mother.

"I don't think she'll mind this time. I promise." Clarke took her sigh as an okay and pulled up a list of nearby places that delivered on her phone.

"Didn't your neighbor saying she was going to fix us dinner?" Lexa asked before Clarke could decide on a restaurant.

Clarke had forgotten that conversation. This morning seemed so long ago. "Avery, go check the kitchen before I order."

"You think she came, cooked, and left?" Lexa asked curiously.

"Knowing Mrs. Kane, it's likely." Clarke told her. It was long past a normal dinner time, but that wouldn't phase their neighbor, she probably stuck something in the fridge for them.

Avery came walking back into the room a moment later. "There's a casserole in the fridge with instructions."

Clarke smiled, she wasn't even surprised. The trio all wandered into the kitchen and Lexa and Avery sat at the table and watched Clarke followed the instructions to heat up their dinner. Once it was warm, Clarke dished it up for them and they ate a quiet dinner. Once they were stuffed, Clarke told Avery to go up and take a shower before bed. The girl didn't even argue, she just did what she was told.

"She's a good kid," Lexa told Clarke once they were alone.

"She is," Clarke agreed. "I wish I could take credit, but sadly most of it's my parent's influence."

"Why don't you go up and tuck her in or whatever," Lexa suggested. "I'll be fine down here."

Clarke smiled and pressed a quick kiss to Lexa's lips. She didn't want to leave Lexa alone in a foreign house, but she also wanted to spend a little bit of time with Avery now that she was home.

Avery was still in the bathroom when Clarke made it up the stairs so she just sat down on Avery's bed to wait. She didn't wait long before the girl was entering her room.

"Thought I'd come tell you goodnight."

Avery walked to her mother and put her arms around her, hugging her tight. "I'm so happy you're here."

"I'm happy, too," Clarke told her. She ran her hand through blonde curls so like her own. "You wouldn't believe how much I missed you."

"As much as I missed you?"

"Even more," Clarke admitted. She helped Avery into bed and pulled the covers over her. Once that was taken care of she laid down beside her daughter. "So, what do you think of Lexa?"

"She's really nice. I like her a lot. She let me pick out whatever I wanted for Grandma at the gift shop," Avery said. "And when we went for a walk she told me her favorites superhero was Wonder Woman."

Clarke had to grin at that. Lexa had no idea how happy she would have made her daughter with that admission. Avery had become obsessed with the new movie as soon as she saw it. Clarke was already planning on buying her some comics and things for Christmas this year. "Good, because I like her a lot. And you and I, we're a team so you have to like the person I'm with, too."

Clarke absolutely believed this. She may not be currently raising her daughter, but that didn't mean she didn't think the girl had a say. Because she absolutely did. If Avery didn't like the person she was dating, or vice versa, then it would never work out.

In fact, that was why her one significant relationship her sophomore year of college had ended. Lacy wasn't very fond of Avery and her daughter knew it, so the feeling was mutual. It was another reason Clarke didn't tell Lexa earlier about Avery. She was afraid of a repeat.

"Do you love her?" Avery asked in a sing-song voice.

"I do, actually," Clarke admitted.

"You going to marry her?"

Clarke pulled back in shock. She hadn't thought that far ahead. Although the idea wasn't unappealing at all. If she was honest, she could picture it really well. Her and Lexa both in white gowns, Avery in a little bridesmaid dress. "Maybe someday."

"Okay, good," Avery yawned. She rolled onto her side and tucked herself closer to Clarke's body.

The older Griffin laid there for a good twenty minutes to make sure her daughter was really sleep before she got up. She leaned over and tucked the covers around her one more time. "Goodnight, baby girl. I love you."

With a bit more of a bounce in her step, Clarke made her way back down the stairs and found Lexa right where she left her. The other girl had managed to turn the TV on and was watching the news. It amazed Clarke simply because she could never figure out her dad's setup and always managed to end up on some Spanish channel.

As soon as Lexa saw her, however, she shut off the TV and waited for Clarke to sit down beside her. "Now, I believe you owe me a full explanation."

Clarke moved a little bit deeper into the cushion as she tried to get comfortable. This was going to be a long conversation.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally we get to the talk. Also since a few people have commented, there will be more drama about Clarke not telling Lexa, but right now Lexa knows there are more important things going on so she's supporting Clarke.

**Chapter 4**

This story was not going to be a short one. If she was going to explain the whole situation then she was going to have to start at the very beginning, which was long before Avery's conception even. "You probably noticed that a good majority of the people at the hospital knew who I was. I spent a great deal of time running around those hallways growing up because of my mom. I knew the doctors and the nurses and what they did for their patients. I probably saw more of what went on there then a little kid probably should have, but I loved it. I knew very early on that I wanted to follow my mom's footsteps and become a doctor."

Clarke could tell by the look on Lexa's face that she had no idea what this had to do with Avery. But she also knew that Lexa wasn't going to interrupt her so she continued. "So, naturally I was very serious about school. I took all the hard classes and even early college courses. I wasn't a total nerd though, I did have a group of friends I hung out with on a regular basis, but I never let them interfere with my schoolwork so I didn't do a lot of the things other kids normally do."

Clarke paused for a second to take a moment and remember what she was like at that age. "I was fairly naïve about relationships and there were probably signs I missed along the way, but when Finn took interest in me I didn't know what to think."

She continued with her story and Lexa sat with rapt attention as Clarke explained how Finn had begged on several occasions for a date and how she finally agreed. Their first date had been enjoyable so they started dating regularly. He seemed like a really nice guy and he acted supportive of her goals. She thought she had gotten lucky and met a great guy.

"About three months into our relationship I thought I was falling in love. I knew though that I wasn't ready for sex. I was only sixteen and I had plenty of time for that. He tried, but when I refused he backed off. He acted fine about it, but we started fighting about other things. He tried a few other times over the course of several months but each time I refused and each time our fights got bigger. After six months of dating we broke up."

Lexa was now more than a little confused and she knew that showed on her face. She thought going into this story that Finn was Avery's father, but maybe he wasn't. "So, he's not Avery's dad, I'm guessing."

"I'm getting there I promise, this is kind of a long story." She also knew that the next part didn't paint her in a good light. Although she knew Lexa loved her, she was upset with herself that she had even let this happen. "A few days after the break up there was a party. I knew Finn was planning on going, so at first, I didn't want to go. As I sat home though I realized the party belonged to one of my friends and it wasn't fair I was the one sitting at home, so I went."

_Clarke wandered through her friend, Octavia's house, as she tried to find the girl in question. She wanted to let her know she had decided to come after all. Someone tried to hand her a cup, but she declined and moved further into the house. She had no plans to drink that night because she did have a paper to finish that weekend._

_That plan held out for a little while as she chatted with a few of her friends and danced to some random songs. That was until she saw Finn dancing very intimately with some girl. After that she downed one drink and then another. As her inhibitions started weakening, she found herself dancing with a couple random guys in ways she normally wouldn't have. Still, she was sober enough that she thought she was thinking clearly._

_Then she caught Finn watching her. His eyes stayed on her while she danced with some guy from the football team and continued as she made her way towards the drinks. As she downed another drink one of her old friends came up to the table. She and Tom had been pretty good friends all the way through middle school, but in high school they kind of went their separate ways. She was pretty sure the idea that had popped into her head was a bad one, but she didn't care._

" _Hey Tom, do you know Finn Collins?" she asked, slurring her words a little as she poured another drink._

" _Ah yeah, he's been dating Raven so I've seen him at her house a few times."_

_Dating, he was already dating someone else. "Bastard!" she thought, or well realized she exclaimed by the look on Tom's face. "Wait, how long has he been with her?"_

_Tom took a drink of his beer as he tried to do the math in his head. "I don't know. At least three weeks probably. That's when I saw him the first time."_

" _Three weeks! We only broke up like four days ago! What a jackass!"_

" _You were dating him? I'm sorry Clarke, I didn't know. I've seen him with a few other girls at other parties and stuff," he admitted. He couldn't help but feel bad for his friend. She didn't deserve to have this happen to her._

_Clarke couldn't believe that Finn had been cheating on her for who knew how long. Here she thought he was such a good guy. It sounded like he probably just wanted in her pants and when she denied him, he went looking elsewhere. He probably just kept her around in case she changed her mind._

_More determined than ever to go through with her plan she gives Tom a pleading look. "Do you want to help me get a little payback?"_

_Tom raises an eyebrow at her. He's never know Clarke to be the revengeful type, but maybe things have changed for her. "What did you have in mind?"_

" _Do you want to be my date for the rest of the night?" she asked innocently enough, but he knew whatever she had planned wasn't innocent just by the look on her face. "Dance with me, maybe make out a little bit to make that douchebag jealous."_

"For whatever reason, Tom agreed. He and I spent the next little while dancing to several songs. Grinding on each other is probably a better description and Finn was definitely keeping an eye on us. So, we upped the ante and started making out. Tom was a good kisser and I enjoyed it, but I also knew it was for show." Clarke really hoped that Lexa's opinion of her wasn't going to change. She was young and stupid and teenagers made stupid choices sometimes.

"We decided to go upstairs and find an empty room so he would believe we were doing it. What we didn't realize was this meant being stuck in that room together for a while." It hadn't been that bad at first, they just talked. Well they tried to talk. "We were both pretty drunk at this point and now bored so when he suggested we make out for fun, I agreed. Problem was we didn't stop at just making out."

Lexa wasn't sure what to think about what Clarke was telling her. She understood teenagers made crappy decisions, especially when drunk, so she kind of understood. "So, is that when Avery was conceived?" she asked hesitantly. She wasn't even sure if it was appropriate to ask that.

"No, unfortunately the story doesn't end there. We still have a little ways to go. You see, after that night, Tom and I started spending time together again, as friends. But when we felt like it we would hook up. So, I guess you could say we had a friends-with-benefits relationship going. I figured why not since we'd already had sex anyway. He lived with his sister who worked a lot to provide for them so we had the house to ourselves and so sometimes it would just happen."

The next part of the story was going to be really hard for her. She hadn't thought about that time in her life for a long time. "His sister, Trish, was really nice, although quite a bit older than us. Their story was a little complicated." She continued to explain how they had the same dad but different mom's. Their dad was a jackass and left both women with his kids to raise. Although there was almost ten years between the kids. Tom's mom died when he was just five years old and he got put in the system, until his sister turned eighteen and took custody of him. "Life was really good, then everything changed."

" _You sure you don't want to come out with us tonight?" Tom asked her from the other end of the phone. Him and a few of his buddies were heading out of town to some college party they had heard about._

" _You know I have that paper to write. I have got to get it done tonight."_

" _Yes, because if you don't you might get an A- in your class," he teased. He wasn't really giving her a hard time. He knew why she worked as hard as she did. He just thought she could use a night out, but he wouldn't push her._

_Clarke finished her paper a couple hours later and gave herself a pat on the back because she thought she had done a pretty decent job. She text Tom that she was finished and if he got back early enough from the party and wanted hang to let her know. Or if he got drunk and needed a ride she could come get him. She never heard back from him though and so she figured he was having a good time and went to bed._

_An hour or so later she was startled awake when her phone began to ring. Thinking maybe her friend needed a ride or something she answered it without looking at the caller ID. It took her a minute to realize who was on the phone. At first, she could barely understand Trish, but as the words began to make sense her whole body became chilled to the bone._

"They'd never even made it to the party. Some guy had decided to run a red light and he was already going way over the speed limit when he hit their car. They think Tom probably died on impact. One of his friends died at the hospital. The other survived but he was never the same again."

Clarke chocked back a sob as she remembered the funeral. Watching them lower Tom's body into the ground had been one of the hardest things she had ever seen. "A week after his funeral I realized I was late. A part of me was scared shitless at the possibility of being pregnant. The other part of me couldn't help but see what a blessing that child would be, because it was a part of Tom that would live on," Clarke tried to explain through her tears. "Even though we had spent a few years apart he was still one of my best friends."

Lexa wrapped an arm around Clarke's shoulders and pulled her into her body, letting her cry it out. She was wishing now that her girlfriend hadn't told her this story right now. Not because she didn't want to know, but because she was sure it was only adding to her grief over her father.

"My parents at first weren't happy about it, but in time we all agreed it was best to keep this baby. I couldn't even contemplate putting her up for adoption when I knew how badly Tom hated the three years he spent in foster homes. My parents though didn't want to see all my hard work go down the drain so we agreed they would raise her. At least until I was stable enough to take care of her. That was always the plan, that someday she would come to live with me. I was just trying to finish my internship first."

That was a complete shock to Lexa. There was a very real possibility that Avery would have come to live with Clarke. Which, just proved to Lexa that her girlfriend really did plan on telling her about her daughter all along. "Why didn't you tell me?" she asked again. "You have to know I would have understood."

"I do," Clarke told her. "I tried so many times. It just never came out. But I had been burnt before," she admitted. "I dated this girl in college. Her name was Lacy. Avery was probably three or four at the time. My school wasn't too far so I'd still go home as often as I could, so one day I decided to ask her to come with. She knew about Avery, but I guess the reality was different. She didn't like how much of my attention wasn't on her, but on Avery. And my poor little girl knew this lady didn't like her so boy did she give it right back. Still I tried to please them both, our relationship last a few more months but eventually ended when I realize she'd never accept Avery."

"Well, this Lacy, sounds like a bitch," Lexa responded. "Avery should be your priority and I understand that." She would have to get used to a change in their relationship, but it wouldn't be that hard. She loved Clarke and she knew it wouldn't be hard to fall in love with Avery. The girl was smart and funny and so many of the things she loved about her girlfriend.

"I love you," Clarke smiled. She couldn't help it. As she looked into those eyes she loved so much, she just had to say it. She knew Lexa was being honest with her. This revelation hasn't changed their feelings in anyway. They would have to make some changes, but they could do it together.

"I love you, too," Lexa gave her a soft kiss on the lips. "We should probably go to bed though. I know you. You'll want to be up at the hospital at the earliest moment."

"I do," Clarke agreed. "I just don't know what to do about Avery. She shouldn't be at the hospital all day. And tomorrow is Sunday, not that I am going to be sending her to school anyway. Not for a while anyway. Which reminds me I need to call the school on Monday, don't let me forget."

"I won't," Lexa promised. She might need to make a list to go in her phone so she remembered things, but Clarke wouldn't be in any frame of mind for that so she'd do what she could to help. Which meant, "I'll stay with Avery tomorrow. At least in the morning and then we can figure things out as we go along. Okay?"

"Are you sure?" Clarke didn't want Lexa to feel like she had to baby-sit.

"Of course. I need to get to know her. She's important to you, so she's important to me."

Clarke grinned at that. This time she knew she was lucky in who she'd found as a partner. Lexa was everything she'd ever dreamed of finding and even more. "Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me. I'm here for whatever you need. I mean that."

"I know you do. But, you're right we need to head to bed." Clarke stood up and reached out a hand to help Lexa up. They walked hand-in-hand up the stairs as Clarke lead her to her old bedroom. "Mom usually keeps my room clean just in case I come home," Clarke said mindlessly as she opened the door to the room she'd grown up in. Everything was exactly as she left it that first time she left for college.

"Yeah, when I was fifteen I though the red and black bedding was like the coolest thing ever. Never changed it before I left for college so here it stays."

"As long as it's comfortable, who cares?" Lexa smiled. She flopped down on the bed so she was laying across it. "Somehow I knew it would be as comfortable as your bed back home."

Clarke smiled at Lexa calling her apartment home. Although they have never discussed living together, they basically did anyway. She hoped that soon it would be a more permanent thing and Lexa would give up her own place. They'd have to discuss it though. Maybe once everything here was taken care of. Whenever that may be.

A part of her knew there could be a lot of other things changing in her life. She just hoped that Lexa would be there with her no matter what happened. Not knowing how her mom was doing would be a large factor that could change everything. She couldn't even image how her life would change if her mom was paralyzed.

"If you want, there should be some hangers in the closet you can hang things up if you need to. And I'll take the right side of the dresser so you can have the left if you want to unpack anything. I don't know how long we'll be here. I don't know what you brought so just take whatever space you want. If you can't stay long I'll understand because it looks like I may be here a couple weeks at the least."

Lexa stood back up and put a hand up to cover Clarke's mouth. "Honey, stop rambling. I'm here as long as you need me. I had some leave I needed to use anyway. If my boss doesn't like it, he can kiss my ass. You are my priority right now."

Clarke melted at her words. She should probably argue that Lexa has been working too hard trying to make detective to let it all go to waste, but right now she needed her. She couldn't even begin to imagine going through all this without the girl she loved.

Instead of responding, she just leaned in and kissed her passionately. She let her body say what she couldn't. Lexa pulled back before they got too carried away. This wasn't what Clarke needed tonight. Instead she took the lead getting them both ready for bed. Then once the lights were out, she pulled the other girl to her and rubbed her back softly until she felt Clarke's breathing slow. Long after Clarke had fallen asleep, Lexa just held on tight, giving her as much comfort as she possibly could until she too fell off into dreamland.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

It was still really early when Clarke woke up the next morning. The sun wasn't yet up, but there was just a small sliver of light coming through the curtains making it easy for her to see. With her biological clock set to east coast time, she knew there would be no more sleeping for her, especially with all that was on her mind.

The complete peace on Lexa's face as she slept gave Clarke a small grin as she looked down on the girl she loved. She still had trouble believing she had found someone like the woman slumbering beside her. Lexa was everything she'd ever wanted and more. And the fact that Lexa had also dropped everything to come out with her, made her heart sing with joy, even under the circumstances.

Not wanting to wake her lover up just yet, Clarke slowly crept out of the bed with as little movement as possible. Grabbing a change of clothes, she quietly crept out of the room and across the hall to the bathroom that had once been hers alone. Now Avery's things littered every available surface. She smiled to see evidence that her little girl was growing up. Although, it also made her sad that she had missed so much.

Turning the knobs in the shower, she set it to the same position she had so many times before, knowing it would eventually heat the water to the temperature she preferred. While it warmed up she stripped down and threw her pajamas into the hamper.

The feel of the water running down her body gave her a measure of calm, the comfort of something familiar. It allowed her to wash away all that was troubling her, if only for those few peaceful moments. She felt lighter, but she knew it wouldn't last for long.

A chill ran through her body as the water began to change so with a turn of the knob, the flow slowed down to nothing. One foot followed the other as they both landed on the soft purple rug. She quickly dried herself and then wrapped the towel around her hair as she got dressed for the day.

Releasing the towel, she tried to soak up as much water as possible before she pulled her hair into a ponytail. At home, she normally left it down except at work it was usually wrapped up tight. More often than not she would take the straightener to it to keep it manageable with the humidity. Being back home she planned to leave it in its natural waves.

The bed creaked under her weight as she climbed on top of the covers to lie beside Lexa once more. A delicate hand reached out to tuck dark locks behind the tiniest ears she had ever seen. She had spent a fair amount of time kissing and licking those little ears, but Lexa never seemed to mind, even laughed along when Clarke would tease her about them.

"Why are you up?" came the mumbled question. "That sun isn't even awake yet," Lexa groaned. Green eyes slowly popped open to see the sight laying there next to her. "You're already showered, too."

"I couldn't sleep. Besides, at home it's almost nine. Not all of us can sleep all day," Clarke teased.

"You're a doctor. You should know it's important to get enough sleep," Lexa responded back. They'd had the conversation countless times before, but it was one of their favorites to tease the other with. Turning serious, "you want to get to the hospital and check on your mom."

Lexa always seemed to know what she was thinking, but the same could be said for Clarke when it came to Lexa. Their thoughts and actions often mimic each other's. They were connected in ways they hadn't yet discovered.

"Of course, I do. But…" Clarke paused. She wasn't sure how to voice the thoughts inside her head.

"You're also concerned with leaving Avery behind," Lexa finished for her. "You don't want her feeling left out through all of this."

Lexa had just put into words everything she was thinking. She had left Avery behind so many times before that the guilt weighed her down. Every time she came home Avery would run to her with giant hugs and smiles, making Clarke's heart feel full. But then when she had to leave, toddler Avery would scream and cry and reach for her mother. The acid inside her stomach would eat away at her the entire trip back to college and then med school. As Avery got older their goodbyes got better, but often the girl would present an indifference that was almost worse.

"I never want her to feel like she's unimportant to me, not when the exact opposite is true."

"She knows you love her. She's a smart kid, she'll be okay," Lexa tried to reassure.

"Are you sure about staying with her?" Clarke asked. She didn't want Lexa to feel pressured to take care of her daughter.

"Of course, I am. I'm looking forward to getting to know her better. Especially since she reminds me so much of this woman I am hopelessly in love with."

Clarke's heart skipped a beat at the grin on Lexa's face. There was no doubt in her mind that what Lexa was saying was the truth. There was nothing she wanted more than for her two girls to love each other as much as she loved them.

As if a there was a force beyond her control, Clarke closed her lips over Lexa's with an intense kiss. The passion and the pull between them was strong as they fused themselves together. Clarke pulled away before they could get carried away, however. "I love you, too."

"Get out of here," Lexa gave her a gentle push. "I know you're dying to see how your mom is this morning. Don't forget to eat something." Blue eyes looked away but not before Lexa could see the guilt in them. She knew Clarke had a habit of not taking care of herself when she was stressed. She gave her girlfriend a stern look. "Clarke."

Past experience told Clarke that Lexa wasn't going to let this go. She knew better than to argue. "I'll grab something on the way to the hospital," she promised. "I'll take my dad's truck, so feel free to use my mom's car if you need too."

"She won't mind?"

"No, she won't care. She probably won't be using it for a while anyway so she'd rather it be put to use," she reassured. Once her mother met Lexa and saw how much Clarke loved her, she knew her mother would treat her like a daughter. She'd want her to make herself at home and take what she needed.

"Alright. Call me later so we can make a plan for the day," Lexa told her. "I think I'll go back to sleep once you leave though."

"Go ahead. Avery probably won't be up for a few more hours yet. She's like you and loves her sleep. She gets that from my dad." Sobs where begging to be let out, but Clarke wouldn't allow it. She needed to keep herself together, at least until she talked to her mother.

Lexa knew she didn't need to respond. Instead she wrapped her arms around Clarke and placed a kiss on the side of her head. She held her love in her arms and gave her the time she needed to gather herself. All the love and comfort she could give was in her embrace.

Once she felt she was ready, Clarke was up and out the door.

**~CL~**

Clarke did what she promised and stopped at a drive through and grabbed a light meal. She didn't want to eat too much. The conversation she needed to have with her mother once she awoke already sat heavy in her stomach. She didn't have room for much more.

With the sun having made its appearance not that long ago, the hospital parking lot had only a few cars scattered around the building. She found a spot close to the front doors and quickly finished her meal. Balling up the wrapper, she added it to the small pile that already littered the floor of her father's truck. He always did have a habit of eating on the run.

The doors didn't provide any comfort as she made her way inside. So different from how she felt when she went to work. She didn't stop to talk to anyone, instead walking with purpose through the halls.

It was easier to enter her mother's room this time around. Seeing her lying there hooked up to monitors provided a small piece of comfort that she was still alive. The board in the room stated that her current nurse was Niylah. It must be someone new because Clarke didn't ever remember meeting someone by that name.

The metal clipboard felt familiar in her hands as she browsed her mother's chart. She knew she probably shouldn't be doing that, but she couldn't help herself. She knew what all the notations meant and took notice of all the medications they were using her on. It seemed like Abby had a good night.

Putting the chart back into its holder, she sat down beside her mother once more. She didn't know what time Monty would be getting in that day, but she figured she still had a wait on her hands.

She sent a quick text to Lexa to update her on her mother's condition because she knew Lexa would want to know once she woke again. Then she sat back in her chair and closed her eyes.

**~CL~**

It was couple of hours before Lexa felt movement on the bed again. She blinked a few times trying to wash the sleep from her eyes. The young girl sitting on her knees beside her brought a grin to her face. She could get used to see this girl every day, with those deep blue eyes and blonde locks. Good morning, kiddo." The nickname rolled off her tongue easily. She'd heard Clarke call Avery 'little one' but she didn't want to steal her girlfriend's name for her daughter.

"Morning Lexa!" Avery cheered. "Mom always calls me 'little one'," Avery informed as if Lexa hadn't heard her the day before. "Grandpa always calls mom, 'kiddo', though."

There was a pang in Lexa's heart with Avery's use of present tense. It brought their loss back to the front of her mind. She knew Avery was too young to understand the differences in tenses and it made feel so sad for this little girl whose world had just changed. "Do you not want me to call you that?"

"No, I like it," Avery smiled. It gave her something in common with her mother.

"Alright, then I will." She made a mental note, however, to keep from using it around Clarke. She wasn't sure what kind of memories it would bring up and she didn't want to hurt the other woman any more than she was already hurting.

"Where is my mom?" Avery asked, effectively changing the subject. "I looked but I couldn't find her."

Words escaped Lexa at the question. They'd talked about how Lexa would feel to stay with Avery, but they hadn't discussed how Avery would feel about it. She feared that Avery wouldn't be happy to be left with a virtual stranger. The truth was probably her best option though so that Avery didn't feel like she couldn't trust her. "She went to the hospital to check on your grandma."

Avery sighed and fell back on the bed. "She didn't come say goodbye?"

Lexa turned so she was laying on her side, facing Avery. She placed a gentle hand on the young girl's cheek. "She left really early. The sun didn't even want to be up yet."

"Her and grandma both do that. It's annoying."

With one small statement, Lexa could see what they'd be in for once Avery hit her teens. She was already a little dramatic, but not overly so. "I hear you. One should never be up before the sun."

There was a rumble on the bed as Avery began laughing. "You are my new favorite person!"

The joy in Lexa's heart couldn't be contained at such a small declaration. She knew she needed to build a good relationship with Avery for Clarke's sake, but now it didn't seem like that would be too hard. They had some things in common.

"Do you and mom live together?"

"I… um… what?" How was she supposed to respond to that? Was she supposed to answer or was she supposed to give this one over to Clarke.

"It's okay, I know about sex and all that."

"What!?" Lexa exploded. This girl was ten. What exactly did she think she knew.

"Well, okay, not everything, no details, just that it is something couples in love do and that there could be consequences if you're not ready. That's what mom told me anyway. Grandma wasn't happy she'd even told me that much, they fought about it for a while. Mom just told her that maybe it would help save me from making the same choices she made. I don't know what that means though, I wasn't supposed to hear their fight," Avery admitted.

That sounded like the Clarke she knew. She liked to think things through and have all the information before she made a choice. So, she probably thought that talking to Avery about these things early would prepare her better as she got older. She could understand that. She was also a little bit happy that Avery confided in her what was apparently a secret that she wasn't supposed to know. Avery was putting trust in her.

Knowing this, Lexa now knew how to answer Avery's question. "We don't live together, technically. I still have my own place, but I prefer your mom's. She's got a better bed."

"Her bed is awesome! I could sleep forever in it. So why don't you live together?"

"We haven't talked about it yet. We've only been together a few months."

"Five months, mom told me. She also told me she loves you. Do you love her?"

These questions were getting deeper and deeper. Lexa was starting to understand what it felt like to be interrogated. "I love your mother very much." There really wasn't any reason to avoid answering since Clarke already knew how she felt about her.

"So, if you got married you'd be my mom too?"

It was like someone had just poured several buckets of cold water over Lexa. This conversation was getting far too serious for so early in the morning. She wasn't sure if she would be ready to handle this conversation at any time if she was honest.

"I think we're a little way away from worrying about that." Small eyes cast downward and she heard a little snivel. "Hey, if it happens someday, then yeah I'd be honored to be your mom. You're a pretty great kid."

Lexa wasn't prepared for Avery to throw her arms around her in a tight hug, but once she'd processed it, she returned the hug just as tightly. Calling this little girl her own wouldn't be bad at all.

**~CL~**

Clarke had been hanging out in her mom's room for over an hour before Dr. Green finally made his way into the room. She stood up a little straighter as she waited to for him to look over her chart and catch himself up to how her night had been.

"Your mom's stats are right where I want them to be. I think it'll be safe to start waking her up now," Monty told Clarke finally. "We'll lower the sedation and let her wake up slowly so that she isn't startled."

Clarke nodded her head in agreement. In the long run though it wouldn't really matter. Once Abby heard about her husband, it would be all the other woman would be able to think about. Jake had been her best friend, not just her husband. It was the one thing she'd wanted to find for herself, a partner that was a friend and lover. Lexa was that for her.

"Once she's up we'll find out how much damage was done. I don't want to push her to far."

"We need to tell her about my dad first. I would love nothing more than to put that conversation off for as long as possible, but she would be upset if we kept it from her a moment longer than was necessary," Clarke told him. As a doctor, she knew Monty would want to give her all the tests and thing right away. Her mom wasn't going to want to do anything once she knew, but not telling her would be worse.

"I'll leave you two alone then. Unless you changed your mind about telling her yourself," Monty offered again. He wouldn't want to be in Clarke's position.

"No. I'll do it."

Monty left her alone with her mother then and she waited as Abby slowly regained consciousness. She took her mother's hand into her own when the other woman began to really fight her way back. She wanted her to know there was someone there with her.

"It's okay, mom. I'm here," she told her over and over again.

"Clarke?" the voice was hoarse and barely a whisper, but Clarke heard her.

"I'm here." She filled a cup up with water and let her mom take a few sips to wet her throat. She knew it would be dry.

"What's going on?" Abby asked, trying to get her bearings. She could tell she was in the hospital, even knew she was in her own hospital, but the events leading up to it were a little hazy.

"Do you remember anything?"

Metal gleamed in the lighting, at first as it waved around it was hard to see, a gun, Abby remembered. The restaurant. It started to come back in pieces. "We went to dinner. A guy came in with a gun. Then pain."

"He fired off several shots. One of them hit you. You were in surgery for hours, no major organ damage, but the bullet grazed your spinal cord."

Abby's eyes glazed over as the implications hit her. She tried to move her feet but didn't know if she had succeeded, everything felt numb. "Is my foot moving?"

Clarke looked away from her mother's face and trailed down to look where her feet lay. The movement was small, but it was there. "Can you feel this?" Clarke asked as she massaged one of her legs.

"Yes, no, I can't tell. But you saw it move, so that's good."

"It's very good," Clarke agreed. "There's something else," she started. Silence filled the room then as Clarke wasn't sure how to say what needed to be said.

"What is it? Where's your dad? Is he hurt too?"

Clarke put her head in her hands and tried not to cry. She couldn't do this. She could even contemplate that her dad was dead. How was she supposed to tell her mom that?

"No, no. Don't tell me he's…" Abby couldn't finish her sentence.

"Dad, he…" A sob broke out just thinking about the scene Clarke had from what the officer told her. "After you got shot, he took down the gunman but he got hit in the process. They couldn't save him," she broke at the end and tears poured down her face as she laid her head on her mom's stomach.

Abby placed a hand on her daughter's head as tears filled her own eyes. Jake couldn't be gone. It just wasn't possible.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Clarke and Abby both fell into silence as they each got lost in their own grief. Neither could believe fate could be cruel enough to take Jake away in such a heinous act. Jake Griffin was one of the most laid back and kindhearted men you could ever meet.

Clarke had told her father first when she realized she was pregnant. She knew he was probably disappointed in her, but he never let it show. Instead he held her while she cried, disappointed in herself enough for the both of them.

Clarke wiped the tears from her eyes as she sat up. She grabbed a tissue off the bedside table and wiped under her eyes before grabbing a second one and blowing her nose. They could both sit there crying for hours if they let themselves, but they couldn't do it. "I can't believe he's gone. I just talked to him the day before this all happened."

She'd called her parent's house in the short break she had between surgeries that day. Her mom had been at work and Avery had been at a friend's house so it was one of the few phone calls where they hadn't played hot potato with the phone. He'd told her one of his corny stories that made her laugh. She'd gone into her next surgery that day feeling happy.

"I um…" For possibly the first time in her life, Abby was speechless. She couldn't even contemplate that her husband was dead. Another part of her though could feel it in her heart. She wasn't sure if she believed in an afterlife but it was almost like there was a memory of him visiting her in her sleep. Like he'd reassured her that everything was okay.

"The officer said he'd died a hero. That a lot more people might have been injured or killed. He'd be happy to know that."

"He would," Abby agreed. There was a peace in knowing that he'd died protecting others. It was something he was always happy to do. To stand up for the little guy. It would be a long time before she'd accept he was gone and be over the pain, but she was still alive. At least they hadn't both left their daughter and granddaughter.

"Where's Avery?" Abby asked, when she noticed for the first time that the little girl wasn't in the room with them.

"I left her at home. She was here all day yesterday, I didn't want to make her sit around the hospital all day again. Plus, I've been here since not long after seven."

Clarke didn't need to explain any further. Avery would have still been in bed if she didn't have to get up for school. She loved her sleep, even as a toddler. She was probably one of the few kids you never had to convince to take a nap. Unless of course her mother was home and playing with her, then she wasn't so happy.

"Mrs. Kane with her then?"

"No, actually, Lexa stayed home with her." She wasn't sure how her mother would feel about that. She'd talked about Lexa with both her parents, not as much as she had with Avery, but enough that they knew she was in a serious relationship with her.

"I'm going to finally get to meet this girl that you haven't been able to shut up about, huh?" Abby teased. "She must be special to have flown out with you."

"She is. She's the one, I'm sure of it. I see my future with her." She could talk about Lexa for hours she was sure. She wanted to tell her mom everything that had happened just a few nights before, but now wasn't the time.

"So, how did she feel about finally meeting Avery?"

Clarke gulped back the guilt she hadn't stopped feeling. "Um, surprised?"

"Clarke Griffin! Are you telling me you still hadn't told her about your daughter? You've talked about this girl nonstop for months and yet you haven't told her something this important."

Clarke's head fell into her hands as new tears formed. She'd messed this up and she knew it. She was surprised Lexa wasn't more upset with her. Maybe she was and she wasn't showing it because of what Clarke and her family was going through. And then later it would come back to bite her in the ass.

"When is a good time to reveal something like that? I tried though. I really did. I was actually trying to tell her just before this all happened." She really hoped her mother didn't take that as her placing any sort of blame. At least not on anyone but herself because she should have told Lexa sooner. "And with everything that happened with Lacy, it made me hesitant."

"Well, Lacy was a selfish bitch."

"Mom!" Clarke couldn't believe her mom had just said that. It was true, but she'd never heard her mother say anything about the other woman Clarke had dated. She hadn't even known she was into women too until college, and she worried bringing Lacy home. Her parents had a much easier time though accepting her bisexuality than they had her pregnancy to her relief.

"Well, she was," Abby responded. "I never told you about the phone call I overheard when you stayed with us. She was telling someone how easy she was going to have it because you were going to be a doctor so she'd never have to work. She could just play all day. And if Avery ever did come to live with you, she'd talk you into boarding school or something."

This wasn't all that surprising with everything she knew about Lacy. She hadn't told her mother everything that had happened there at the end. She had just been so happy to get away from her once and for all. She promised herself once everything settled down she'd tell Lexa the whole story of her ex. She might better understand why Clarke was so hesitant to talk about Avery.

"Well, Lexa is nothing like that. She offered to stay with Avery today. She said she was excited to get to know her. They seem to get along really well."

Abby smiled. She knew how important that was to her daughter. She would never stay with anyone Avery didn't like. Their granddaughter may have lived with them, but Clarke was still there in all the ways that mattered. She called at least five times a week just to talk to Avery, sometimes every day if she could find the time. They also skyped and Clarke would help her with homework over video chat. She was proud of Clarke for everything she'd accomplished, but also for being the involved mother that she was. She knew a lot of people in Clarke's position might have just left their kid with their parents and stopped in when it suited them.

That had never been Clarke. She knew her daughter hated being away from Avery. But she also knew it wouldn't have been fair to keep Avery with her when she couldn't give her the attention she needed. Avery would have had to spend most of her days in day care. By staying with her grandparents, she was able to spend a lot more time at home since Jake had a fairly normal schedule and could be home with her most of the time. With Abby having random days off, that also increased the odds.

They had all hoped she'd get an internship at Abby's hospital so she could move home, but that hadn't happened, unfortunately. So, they'd put off Clarke taking Avery until she was done with her internship and her sixty or more hours a week.

It seemed now, that maybe she had been meant to move to Washington D.C. so that she could meet Lexa. If she had come home to California the two of them would never have met. The way her Clarke talked about the other girl, she knew that would have been a tragedy.

"Well, hopefully that still holds true after they've been stuck together for a while," Abby smirked. "Especially if Avery starts talking about her books."

"Oh, dear," Clarke groaned. She forgot how much her daughter could talk when it came to the book she'd just read. She'd had to live through several phone calls where they entire conversation was about Avery's newest favorite story.

"Or even worse, an interrogation."

At that, Clarke grimaced because neither option would end well for Lexa. She just hoped her girlfriend could take it.

**~CL~**

"So, then I told TJ that wasn't nice. He stuck his tongue out at me, so I kicked him in the shin," Avery ended her story. Lexa couldn't remember how they'd gotten to where they were, all she'd asked is what Avery wanted for breakfast. She was pretty sure that question still hadn't been answered either.

Was she just supposed to ignore the fact that Avery had admitted to kicking someone? Was she supposed to say something to her. She was so out of her depth here. "I don't think you're supposed to kick people."

"That's what mom said. She told me to use my words next time. Grandma grounded me when she found out. But he shouldn't have taken Jackie's cookie."

That's how they'd gotten into this conversation. Avery had tried to convince her they should have cookies for breakfast. Lexa hadn't taken that bait but it had ended up in a twenty-minute story about some kids at school. It was cute though.

"Okay, why don't you go get dressed and I'll do the same. We'll meet down in the kitchen and find something to eat."

"Okay," Avery agreed. With more energy than should be allowed, she jumped off the bed and raced for her own room to do as Lexa had suggested.

Lexa got up much slower and checked her phone first to see that Clarke had text her while she was still sleeping. Apparently, her mom had, had a good night. Lexa was happy to hear that. There hadn't been another update since so she wasn't sure if Abby was awake yet, but she figured Clarke would let her know when she had a chance.

She wasn't sure if she had enough time for a shower before Avery finished getting ready but she really needed one so decided for at least a quick rinse down. By the time she'd made it downstairs Avery was sitting on the bar stool with her feet swinging in the air as she sat on her hands.

"Now, I'm not as good of a cook as your mom, so any suggestions?"

"I have Lucky Charms in the cupboard."

That surprised Lexa. Clarke didn't really care for cereal. She'd heat up frozen waffles if she was in a hurry. Sometimes she skipped breakfast all together, but her girlfriend had told her she was never that big on cereal, and that her mother never bought the stuff anyway. Too much sugar so early in the morning.

"Cereal it is." That was simple enough. All she'd need is a bowl and some milk. Maybe letting Clarke teach her how to cook wouldn't be the worst idea in the world. She couldn't feed the kid cereal every time they were alone together. And she was pretty sure neither mother or grandmother would appreciate a lot of take out either. Lexa excelled at ordering take out.

"So, what do you like to do?" Lexa asked as they both dug into their bowls. She was honest when she told Clarke she wanted to get to know Avery.

"I read. You need to come see my room, I have like a whole library. I have so many books we had to put some of them in the guest room."

"You'll have to show me after we eat," Lexa agreed. She hadn't really seen much of the house yet. She knew from the outside it was fairly large. She knew Jake had made almost as much as his wife as an engineer for a large company, though she couldn't remember the name of the company Clarke had told her.

She was impressed when once Avery was done, she rinsed her bowl out and put it in the dishwasher. Although she really shouldn't have been, Clarke always did the same. She kept her apartment overly clean, even with all the hours she spent at the hospital. Lexa had picked up a lot of the same habits spending so much time with the other girl.

As soon as her own bowl was put in the dishwasher, Avery was grabbing her hand and dragging her towards the stairs. The girl's room was pretty much what she'd expect from a ten-year-old. Her bedding was purple, her closet was open but organized and full of all sorts of frilly clothes as well as a ton of t-shirts. She had a large dollhouse in one corner, and a shelving unit full of toys that probably wouldn't be played with for much longer. Another corner had an L-shaped desk that had plenty of room for homework but also a laptop that probably was used often to video chat with her mother.

Now that Lexa knew about Avery, a lot of things made a lot of sense. Like that fact that when Clarke was home her own laptop was usually up and Skype was signed in. She knew Clarke had left her in bed several times and come back to bed after a chat. She'd never gone out though to see what Clarke was up to, figuring the other girl was just talking to her parents.

Clarke had admitted she talked to Avery like a friend or a sister sometimes. She had probably heard a few of their conversations and just didn't know it. She didn't want to analyze every minute of their relationship, but she'd always wonder now what signs she'd missed.

The one thing in the room that she wouldn't expect was the giant bookshelves that took up a good portion of one wall. Avery wasn't kidding when she said she had a library. Several of the books were familiar. She'd seen them before. "Your mom has a lot of these books in her apartment."

"That's because when she buys me a new book she always buys two copies so we can read them together." The way Avery said that like it should just be obvious was funny to Lexa. It was so funny how kids just thought things were normal to everyone just because it was normal to them.

"So, like you both read them and talk about them?"

Avery rolled her eyes and plopped down on her bed. "No, like we read them together on the computer."

"Oh." That was actually, really cute. She could picture them each sitting at their desks with a book and taking turns reading different parts.

"Sometimes we have to do our reading on the phone, but that's not as much fun. I can't see the funny faces mom makes at the characters then."

And now that was even more adorable and Lexa needed to see this. There was a whole other side to her girlfriend that she would have to fall in love with and that was the mom. Clarke was clearly an involved parent, even from a distance. She couldn't understand how it had taken so long for Clarke to tell her she had a daughter.

She had to be missing something. That was the only explanation. She knew Clarke trusted her, knew she loved her. There had to be more to the story of why she had waited so long. It was the only thing that made sense. Still she wouldn't push. Not right now. Clarke had enough going on as it was.

"What else do you like to do besides read?"

Avery smiled at her reached over to her bedside table and grabbed a notebook that was sitting there. She patted the bed with one hand so that Lexa would come sit beside her. And of course, Lexa took the hint and sat down beside the young girl.

Avery opened to a page in her notebook and passed it over to Lexa. The writing wasn't the greatest but Lexa could make out the words even the ones that were misspelled. "Did you write this?"

Avery nodded proudly. "Yep, it's a story I've been working on. Mom's been helping me get the sentences right, but she's the only one that's seen it. Well, besides you now obviously."

Lexa was honored. She couldn't believe how easily this kid had accepted her. She had originally thought it would be a lot harder to get this kid to like her. She knew she wanted to though. Even if she was a little hurt at Clarke, she still loved her and she wanted a future with her. That future included Avery now.

They had a lot to figure out, but she knew they could. If they loved each other as much as she believed they did then they would be fine. It just might take some time to figure it all out.

"What's the story about?"

"There's this hero with these superpowers and she had to leave her family behind so she could go and save the world. She's really lonely though because she's so far away from her family. But then one day there's a fire in this big building and she saves this girl and they fall in love. The hero's family is happy because she's not alone anymore."

Lexa smiled, because whether Avery knew it or not, she'd wrote a story about her mother. She was sure that even if Avery didn't realize it, that Clarke did so in a way their story was in there with Clarke's help. She closed the notebook though because she didn't want to read it, at least not right then.

"That's awesome. You'll have to let me read it when it's finished. If you want to that is."

"You can read it second. Mom gets to read it first."

"Of course."

Lexa's phone beeped with an incoming text. She unlocked it to find a long message from Clarke with an update. "Hey kiddo, wanna go to the hospital now? Your grandma wants to see you."

"She's awake?" Lexa nodded. "Let's go!" As Lexa was once again being dragged through the house, she realized she was going to need a lot more energy to keep up with Avery. She was looking forward to it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you all think I forgot? LOL I was going to update this afternoon but I went to see our lovely Alycia Debnam-Carey on the big screen. Our local theater is playing Friend Request so I went to see it.
> 
> Also last week, sorry for missing it. It was a weird week and I'm suffering some minor writer's block. I know where I want this story to end up but having a hard time figuring out how to get from point A to B.

**Chapter 7**

"Lexa and Avery are on their way," Clarke told her mother as she locked her phone and sat it down on the small portable table between the two women. "I told her she could use your car this morning since she doesn't know how to drive a stick shift."

"That's fine," Abby reassured. It wasn't like she would be driving it any time soon, or maybe ever again. "I take it you picked up dad's truck then?"

"Yeah, we drove over there yesterday after we left here."

Abby wasn't sure how to respond to that. It was still hard to swallow that all of this was really happening. She wasn't sure there really wasn't anything to say. The man she had spent most of her life with was gone and she wasn't sure if she'd ever walk out of this hospital again.

"How are you doing with everything Monty told you?" Clarke asked, effectively changing the subject to the one Abby was now also pondering.

The young doctor had come in a little over an hour ago and ran a few physical tests one her mother's legs. He'd also consulted with a few other doctors. The results weren't great but they weren't as bad as they could have been either, so they were grateful. They were more than a little joyful that she wasn't paralyzed.

"It's going to take a while to get used to it, but I think I'll be fine in time." It was the most diplomatic answer she could muster. Abby wanted to curse and scream but that wouldn't help either one of them. She didn't want Clarke to see her like that, there was enough on her mind. "Hopefully I'll get out of here soon though. We need to start planning your dad's funeral."

Clarke sadly nodded her head. She didn't even want to think about having to go through that but she knew it was coming. She really wished they could put it off. "We have time. They haven't released his body yet. When I talked to Officer Miller earlier this morning it sounded like it would be at least a couple more days."

The young officer had called to update her earlier that morning while she was still waiting for Monty to make his rounds. He had informed her that they were still collecting evidence but that they would release him just as quickly as they possibly could.

"Have you talked to your grandparents?"

Clarke groaned when she remembered the conversation she'd had the day before. One she was happy to not have to repeat. "Office Miller called and informed them about what happened after he talked to me. I talked to grandma for a few minutes yesterday afternoon. They are trying to arrange their flights and a hotel."

"Heaven forbid you grandmother ever stay at our house," Abby muttered, not bothering to hide her feelings. It was no secret that the two women did not get along. Karlene Griffin had been a stay-at-home mom and didn't like the fact that her only son's wife worked, even more so that she had a job that took up so much of her time. She had even gone so far as to blame Abby for Clarke's pregnancy because she hadn't been home with her daughter all day, every day.

Clarke had never forgiven her grandmother for that accusation, or for the fact that she'd said so with Clarke in the room. Her grandmother was also very vocal about her dislike for Clarke following in her mother's footsteps.

Clarke almost couldn't wait to introduce her grandmother to Lexa. She couldn't imagine the other woman's reaction to her dating another woman. She would even go so far as to bet that her mother would again be blamed.

With a fierceness in her eyes Clarke looked at her mother. "We don't want her there anyway. I want as little interaction between her and Avery as possible." Luckily because Jake's parents lived half-way across the country, there hadn't been many visits and they'd been able to keep Karlene's judgmental attitude away from the youngest member of their family.

Clarke never wanted Avery to ever feel like she wasn't wanted or loved. Or worse yet that she was some mistake. She feared that was exactly what would happen if her grandmother was around her for any extended period of time.

"Same here," Abby agreed. She knew she should be feeling some form of sympathy for her mother-in-law who had just lost her son, but she couldn't. The woman caused drama whenever she came to town. She just hoped that Karlene would behave herself.

Clarke had never met her mother's parents because they had both died before she was born. Her grandfather had died of cancer when Abby was only a teenager and her grandmother had, had an aneurism while Abby was away at college. Both of these added to Abby's determination to become a doctor.

"Uncle Derek will be here tomorrow for sure." Derek was Abby's brother but he had also been Jake's best friend when they were growing up. The three of them had been inseparable for most of their grade school years.

Derek had been around a lot when Clarke was younger. He'd never married himself or had any kids so he'd spoiled his only niece, right up until he'd left to take a job in Montana. She couldn't wait to see him. Between her schedule and his she hadn't seen him since Christmas before last. He treated Avery like a little princess whenever he saw her, it was adorable.

"He'll be staying at the house then. That's good."

"He wouldn't stay anywhere else. Even if we filled every room in the house he'd make a bed down in the basement next to the washer," Clarke only half joked. It was actually something Derek would do. Or he'd pitch a tent in the backyard. Even when he lived in town he'd spent so much time at their house the main guest room had basically been dubbed Derek's room.

"Either way, it'll be nice to have him around. Even though it'll also be painful," Clarke admitted. She was used to seeing Derek with her father, cracking stupid jokes and being so annoying at times you couldn't help but love them anyway.

They were both saved from having to say anything else when they heard impatient footsteps coming down the hall that they both knew could only belong to one person. Neither was surprised when Avery came bouncing into the room.

Clarke wished she could have her daughter's innocence right then. Of course, Avery knew the basics of what was going on, but she was still young enough to not fully grasp what it all meant. It was much easier for her to just live in the moment and enjoy the people she could be around.

"Grandma, you're awake!" Avery squealed. The young girl quickly moved to her bedside and tried to climb on so she could give the woman a hug.

"Careful, Avery. Your grandma just had surgery, remember?" Clarke cautioned.

Avery gave her mother a look and continued to climb onto the bed, but much more cautiously than she had started out. Abby sat up as much as she could physically manage to meet her granddaughter in a fierce hug.

"I'm so glad you're here, sweetheart. I sure missed you."

"I missed you, too. I thought you were never going to wake up. Mom said you would so I'm glad she was right."

Abby cupped her granddaughter's face and pushed the girl's blonde locks back. Her hands took residence finally on the girl's small shoulder's. "Your mom is a very smart girl."

"She's super smart," Avery agreed. "Dr. Monty fixed you all up?"

"He did his very best work."

"I was here all day yesterday, but then Lexa stayed home with me this morning so that mom could be here before the sun was even awake."

Hearing the young woman's name caused Clarke and Abby both to look towards the door where Lexa had taken a place just inside, not wanting to interfere. "That was very nice of her," Abby smiled at the beautiful woman who had captured her daughter's heart. "Maybe she'd like to come join us so I can meet her."

Taking the hint, Clarke jumped out of her chair and over to Lexa. She took her girlfriend's hand into her own and pulled her into the room. With Avery already on Abby's right side, she took Lexa around to the left. "Sorry, mom this is Lexa Woods, and Lexa this is my mom, Dr. Abigail Griffin."

Lexa gave a nervous smile, but tried to hold her hand out confidently. "It's nice to meet you, Dr. Griffin."

"It's a pleasure to meet you as well, Lexa. Clarke talks about you non-stop. Please call me Abby. We're practically family," Abby grinned as she watched the two girls squirm.

"Mom," Clarke quietly chastised.

"Seriously though, thank you for being here for my girls. It means a lot to me," Abby told her sincerely. She already thought Lexa had to be something special to drop everything and fly across the country for someone she had known for little more than half a year.

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else," Lexa answered, honestly. She looked over at Clarke who in turn was looking at her with such love. She knew a part of her was upset with Clarke keeping suck a secret and she knew they needed to talk some more, but right now, all that mattered was being there for these women. Right now, all that mattered was their grief and helping them the best she could.

"Lexa's awesome," Avery told her grandmother. "She likes Wonder Woman." Abby gave Clarke a look that clearly asked if she'd coached Lexa on that, but Clarke just shook her head that she hadn't. "Also, she thinks my story is awesome and can't wait until I finish it."

This caught both Clarke and Abby by surprise. Avery hadn't shown her story to anyone but Clarke. Jake had tried and begged to see it, but Avery would never let him. Abby hadn't tried as hard as her husband, but she was still curious. "You showed her your story?"

"Yeah, she thought it was really cool."

"The story you've never shown to anyone but your mother?" Abby tried again. Clearly her daughter wasn't the only one smitten by this girl.

"Well, she's mom's girlfriend," she told them like that just made perfect sense. And maybe to Avery, it did.

Clarke made a noise like she was trying to clear her throat. She was giving herself some time to figure out how to react. She knew how much of their real-life romance was in those pages she had helped her daughter write. She wasn't sure if she wanted to know Lexa's reaction.

"I felt very honored to see it. Avery is very talented," Lexa broke the small bit of silence. "I especially enjoyed the bit about the superhero finding the love of her life."

Clarke blushed. She'd helped her daughter put that very declaration in the main character's thoughts right after she realized she loved Lexa. "Yes, well. It seemed like a good direction to go in."

Lexa wasn't buying what Clarke was trying to sell, but she let her have it anyway. Watching her girlfriend turn red had been more than enough enjoyment. Instead she turned to Abby. "Clarke said they'd done some tests this morning, but she didn't tell me the outcome. You don't have to tell me if you don't want too," she finished. She wasn't sure if she was overstepping any boundaries.

"No, it's fine. You should know. Basically, my right leg, I can move it and I'm starting to get more feeling in it the longer I'm awake, but it still feels kind of numb." That was the good news.

"That's good," Lexa smiled. She had a feeling though that, that wasn't all of it. The way Clarke had mentioned it, she knew something was definitely not good.

"My left leg on the other hand I can't seem to feel at all. It's not paralyzed so that's a plus, but without feeling, I don't have much control of it either. It severely limits my mobility."

"It's possible with rehab she'll be able to walk again," Clarke continued. "The problem is she may never walk unassisted ever again."

"Can they figure out what's causing the loss of feeling?" Lexa asked. She knew the two women sitting in front of her had all the knowledge they needed to see where they would go from here, but she was totally clueless. It seemed so crazy that something so drastic had happened that had changed Abby's whole life so completely.

"They will keep running tests. We'll explore multiple options, but for now she'll have to use a wheelchair and maybe eventually a walker," Clarke answered.

Lexa felt so much sympathy for the other woman. She knew the implications of what Clarke was saying. Abby was mostly likely done with her career. She would no longer be able to stand on her feet to perform surgeries. She might still find work in the medical field eventually, but her days as a surgeon were over.

"I'm so sorry."

"It'll be fine. I'm alive, and I've got my girls," Abby smiled and pulled Avery into her again for a long embrace.

"Can I push you in your wheelchair?" Avery asked with a hint of excitement.

Maybe they shouldn't have had this conversation with her in the room, but again her innocence kept her from the full implications of what was happening. Clarke would forever be grateful of that.

"We'll see," was the only answer Abby gave her.

"Clarke, why don't you take Avery and go find some lunch for you all," Abby suggested.

"I can do that," Lexa offered. She wanted to be of some assistance and getting food seemed like the easiest job she'd found so far.

Abby shook her head no. "Clarke needs to get out of this room. Give herself a break from watching me like a hawk. If you haven't noticed she looks at my monitors every five minutes."

"I do not."

"You do, too. I'm guessing the first thing you probably did when you walked in this morning was check my chart."

Clarke tried to deny it, but she knew she was busted. Her mom did have a point. She could probably use a break and a little time alone with Avery wasn't a bad idea. What she couldn't figure out is what her mother's goal was in getting some alone time with Lexa. She just hoped she wouldn't regret it.

"Come on, Avery. We don't want to make grandma mad at us." She held out her hand which Avery took as soon as she was on her feet again. The two young blondes were already teasing each other as they headed out the door.

"Go ahead and sit down. I'm not going to interrogate you."

Lexa sighed in relief. She had almost followed the other two out of the room, but she had caught on quickly that Abby wanted a few minutes alone with her. She was nervous, but the other woman seemed calm, so she tried to be as well.

"Clarke told me you got quite the surprise when you got out here."

Lexa wasn't sure if she was supposed to respond so she just held her lips closed tight, but she did give a small nod in the affirmative.

"She said she did try to tell you though, before all this happened."

"She did, she was just about to say something and then the phone rang. I didn't know what she was going to say, but I wasn't expecting it to be that she had a daughter," Lexa admitted. Maybe talking to Clarke's mom about this wasn't a good thing, but maybe she had a perspective that Lexa didn't.

"Avery is the most precious thing in the world to Clarke. She loves that girl fiercely. I know it doesn't seem like it, under the circumstances, but she does. When they are together, they are two peas in a pod." Moments flashed before Abby's eyes as she thought back through the years. "The reason I wanted to talk to you alone is because I'm pretty sure you haven't really gotten to react. I'm happy that Clarke has you, especially someone who is willing to put their own feelings aside because she knows there's a bigger picture."

"I won't lie and say I understand this whole thing. There is a lot about it that I don't understand. But you're right. Right now, Clarke needs me to be there for her while she grieves. There will be time later to figure this all out. I love her, so we have all the time in the world."

Abby grinned when she heard that Lexa loved her daughter. She knew that Clarke had felt that way, but she was glad to know it wasn't one-sided. "When she does finally talk to you, don't be too hard on her. She became super protective of Avery after the whole ordeal with Lacy. I know there are things she hasn't told me about their relationship and I have a feeling it got a lot worse there in the end. I'm hoping though in time she'll at least be open to telling you."

"I kind of got the feeling there was a lot more to that story, too." Lexa was glad she wasn't the only one that Clarke had been holding things back from. Now, she worried though about what her girlfriend had endured to hold herself back like this. Clarke was so open about everything else, but it was like this one thing was under lock and key.

She could only hope that one day soon Clarke would be ready to tell her, and when that happened she told herself she would listen openly and try not to react badly.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally almost forgot to update today. Oops.

**Chapter 8**

"So, Clarke mentioned you were a cop," Abby stated in an attempt to change the subject. She also wanted to get to know this girl that had captured her daughter's heart so fully.

"Yeah, I've been on the force, let's see, it's been four, almost five years now. I went to college before I entered the police academy." Lexa started to explain. She wanted Abby to like her. "I've been working towards becoming a detective recently. I've still got a ways to go, but I'll get there," she told her with conviction.

"Is being here going to hurt that?" Abby felt bad if it did. From everything she'd heard from Clarke, this girl was just as focused on her career as her daughter was.

"No, I had a couple weeks of leave saved up. My captain probably doesn't appreciate me leaving on such short notice, but he can deal. I'm where I need to be."

Abby felt so incredibly grateful that her daughter had found such a wonderful person. She was really hoping that they'd make it through all this together and Lexa would join the family someday. She was sad to realize that her husband would never meet her. Jake would have loved this girl. "I can't even begin to tell you how grateful I am that you are here for my girls. My husband would have loved to have met you." She tried to hide her emotions but she knew she had failed when she saw the sympathy in Lexa's eyes.

Lexa for her part reached out a hand and laid it on top of the other woman's in comfort. "I'm so sorry for your loss. From everything Clarke has told me he sounded like an amazing man."

"Thank you, he was. He spoiled Clarke rotten when she was little and then repeated the cycle with Avery. He had to do a lot of the parenting since I worked such long hours. I always worried that someday Clarke would come to resent me."

"She's proud of you," Lexa reassured. She had never even gotten a hint that Clarke held any ill feelings towards her mother. In fact, it seemed like just the opposite, Clarke had followed in her mother's footsteps. And she'd left her own daughter to be raised the same way. "I think the very fact that she left Avery to be raised as she was proves it."

"I've never thought of it that way," Abby admitted. Surely if she had hated her own childhood or at the least those parts of it, she would never have left Avery behind. "Thank you," she said softly.

Lexa only smiled because she understood what Abby was really saying. She was now able to see things just a little bit differently than she had previously.

"What are we thanking her for?" Clarke asked as she wandered back into the room with her hands full with a tray of food and a drink. Avery was behind her trying not to spill the two drinks she was carrying.

"Nothing important," Abby answered. Clarke didn't need to know what they had been discussing.

Clarke gave them both a look that said she didn't believe them, but she didn't push the subject. "We got a teriyaki chicken and rice bowl for Lexa, sweet and sour for me and spaghetti for Avery. I could not convince her to get Chinese with us."

"Of course not," Abby smirked. Avery could be very stubborn when it came to food. She didn't particularly care for Chinese but would eat it when she wasn't given much of a choice.

"Sorry we didn't get anything for you, mom. Hospital policy and all."

"It's alright. You girls go ahead and eat. I'm sure they'll bring my goop along any minute now."

Clarke laughed at the look on Lexa's face when her mom mentioned goop. It was a common joke among the doctors here to refer to the patient food as goop. The cafeteria had really good food, but the stuff they brought to patients wasn't nearly as good. "The food they bring the patients isn't nearly as good as what we'll be eating," Clarke explained to her girlfriend.

"We got you water. Mom said you don't really drink soda," Avery told Lexa as she handed her one of the cups in her hands.

"I don't. I drink juice though and sometimes tea."

"See, we could have got her the apple juice," Avery glared at her mother.

"It's okay, water is fine."

By the time the girls had all gotten settled and began eating, Harper came in the room with Abby's meal. "Looks like the gangs all here again, today," she smiled as she helped Abby sit up a little better so that she could eat.

"Yep, all my girls are here," Abby smiled throwing a smile at not only Clarke and Avery but at Lexa as well.

"Just don't get to rowdy in here," Harper teases.

"We won't. In fact I'm going to be kicking these girls out once they are done eating," Abby announces.

"What? Mom, no."

"Yes, Clarke. You don't need to be cooped up in here all day. And I need some time alone."

Clarke sighed. She hated it but she understood where her mom was coming from. They both liked to deal with their emotions on their own. She'd gotten a little better at sharing with Lexa but she still liked that time to herself. She wasn't sure it was the right thing to leave her mom though while she was recovering from being shot. "Fine, but I'm coming back later tonight. Monty was going to come back to discuss where we go from here and I want to be there for that."

"That's fine."

There was a silence over the room after that. Everyone focused on their meal instead of talking. Almost as if they were afraid to break whatever the mood was that fell upon them.

When they did finally start preparing to leave Avery fought against it. They hadn't even been there that long and she didn't want her grandmother to be alone. Abby tried to reassure her that she was fine, that she was among friends. They made promises that she'd be able to come back tomorrow for another visit.

"Who do you want to ride with?" Clarke asked when they'd made it out to the parking lot.

"I'll ride with Lexa," Avery responded in a way that clearly told Clarke she wasn't happy about the situation.

The three walked together towards Abby's car in silence. Avery climbed in as soon as it was unlocked, leaving Clarke and Lexa a moment. Lexa took Clarke into her arms in a tight hug and placed a kiss to the side of her head. "It's going to be alright. She just needs some time. You all do."

Clarke wasn't sure if she was talking about Avery or Abby, but she took comfort in the embrace. Avery was similar to her mother and grandmother and might just need some time away as well. Still Clarke planned to talk to her when they got home. She didn't want her daughter to be as closed off as she could be at times. "I'll meet you back at the house," Clarke told Lexa softly before giving her a kiss.

As soon as they made it back home, Avery had run up the stairs and closed the door to her bedroom loudly, giving a clear hint to leave her alone. Clarke didn't like it, but she knew it was best to leave the girl alone for a little while.

Instead she did the one thing she was really not looking forward too. She headed towards the office they had on the main floor and turned on her mother's computer. It was time she started looking into their options for funeral arrangements.

This left Lexa alone, with no real idea what to do.

**~CL~**

Hours later Lexa was running out of things to do. She had already checked her email and responded to her captain that she would probably be gone at least two weeks. She had watched a couple episodes of Cops, because it was the only thing on that she could just mindlessly watch, even if she did criticize some of the officers and their actions. She'd also explored the house.

She was well and thoroughly bored now. So, she decided to check out the backyard. Maybe she could find a spot to just relax for a little while. Outside, under the trees was one of her favorite places to just sit and enjoy her time.

Unsurprisingly the yard was big enough to match the size of the house. There was a pool off to one side, and a nice little patio set up for barbequing. There was a treehouse off in the distance that looked old but cared for it. She figured it had been Clarkes and now Avery's.

She wandered off towards the patio swing that sat off to the opposite side, under some trees. As she took a seat, she noticed Mrs. Kane in her own yard, watering some flowers. "Hi, Mrs. Kane," she called out, knowing this woman was close to the family and probably wouldn't mind being greeted.

"Well, hello. I didn't realize you girls were home. It's so quiet over there," Mrs. Kane spoke as she made her way over to shut off the water. Looping the hose back up, she made sure everything was fine before heading through the gate and taking a seat next to the newcomer. "How is everyone doing?"

"I don't know. Avery is up in her room with her door closed. Clarke is in the office on the computer. Both seem lost in their own heads."

"And they left you all alone in a strange world."

Lexa smiled. "That about sums it up. We went over to the hospital earlier, but Abby kicked us out. I know she probably just wanted time to grieve without her daughter there to witness it."

"Sounds about right. Those Griffin women like to handle their emotions in silence. It used to drive Jake nuts. Sensitive soul that one had," Mrs. Kane reminisced. She'd been their neighbor since Clarke was just a couple of years old. She'd seen more of her fair share of their life together as a family.

"I wished I could have met him. He sounds like an amazing guy."

"Oh, he was. But I'm sure he's somewhere looking down and smiling at you. He was excited the first time Clarke called home and told them about you. He had a really good feeling and he let everyone know it."

Lexa's heart pounded a little at that. She had never met the man and yet he still seemed to like her around his daughter. She hoped he would have still felt the same after meeting her, but it sounded like he probably would have.

"Now, don't let them fool ya, he had his own flaws. But where it counted he was a good man. He never complained about being the one that had to take Clarke to this thing or that because Abby wasn't home. He asked me to teach him how to cook so he could cook dinner most nights. He even did more than his share of housework, but he never resented it. Which is rare in today's world."

"Let me guess, he kept things clean and tidy too. Never a dirty dish in the sink for long if he could help it. Clothes always put away after they are washed and in a hamper when they are dirty."

Mrs. Kane laughed. "Yes, he did. How'd you know?"

"Because Clarke does the same. Her apartment is like never dirty. It's almost immaculate at times."

"That sounds about right."

**~Cl~**

Clarke watched out the window at Lexa's head thrown back in laughter. Whatever Mrs. Kane had told her was clearly hilarious because her girlfriend was having a hard time getting herself under control. She wanted to go out and join them. But she knew she owed Lexa and apology for disappearing on her and she didn't want to do that with an audience.

She had been surprised to look at the clock and realize over three hours had gone by. She had been even more surprised that she hadn't heard a sound anywhere in the house, until she realized she had kind of just walked away from Lexa and hid in the office. She hadn't meant to, she just needed a moment to herself and time got away from her.

Right now, she also needed to check on Avery and that should probably come first. She knew the girl was upset with her but she wasn't really sure why. Maybe Avery didn't even know herself.

She knocked on the girl's room and got what sounded like a 'come in' through the door. "Hey, little one. What's going on?" she asked as she took a seat beside her daughter who was curled up on her bed with a book.

"Just reading this book grandpa gave me last week. Said he found it in the attic."

Clarke looked at the cover and realized it was one of her old books. "I read that when I was about your age. I loved it."

Avery seemed to hear her but didn't acknowledge it. Instead she kept reading. Clarke gave her a minute to finish the chapter before taking the book from her. She put one of the girl's bookmarks in and sat it on the bedside table. Avery let her do it without protest. "Want to tell me what's going on? You seemed really upset with me earlier and I wanted to know why."

Avery shrugged her shoulders that she didn't really know. She rolled onto her side and Clarke followed suite so they were facing each other. "I didn't want to leave grandma alone."

"You know it wasn't my idea to leave either. Grandma wanted some time alone."

"I know," Avery sniveled.

"They why were you acting mad at me?"

"I don't know," Avery told her honestly. "I miss grandpa," she cried.

Clarke choked back a sob as she put her arms around her daughter and pulled in her in close. I do too, sweetheart. I do, too." Clarke held Avery close as the tears poured from both of their eyes. She knew Avery hadn't really processed what was happening and it seemed like it was now hitting her.

"He was going to teach me how to play basketball so that maybe I could play on the team with some of my friends."

This was news to Clarke, she had no idea that her daughter had any interest in sports. She herself had never had any interest. "I know it's not the same, but Lexa knows how to play. Maybe she'll teach you."

Avery's tears started to slow down a little bit. She wanted her grandpa to teach her. He promised. But maybe she could aske Lexa anyway. "He was going to take me camping this summer."

Clarke groaned at that. Of course, he was. That was one thing Clarke had always refused to do. She couldn't understand why sleeping on the ground in the middle of nowhere was fun. Clearly her daughter was not of the same opinion and her father had probably been all too happy about that.

As much as she hated the very idea of camping, she would do anything to help ease her daughter's pain. "Maybe you and I can go camping this summer instead. We could maybe even get Lexa to come. Ooh, and maybe Uncle Derek." Because if she was camping she needed at least one person with them who knew what they were doing.

"What about grandma?"

"We'll have to see how her legs are. Camping might not be possible."

"Oh."

"I'm sure we'll find other fun things to do with her though."

Avery sat up quickly, with almost no trace of her earlier breakdown. "Like Disneyland?"

Well at least that sounded better than camping. It was funny when you thought about it. They lived in California but Clarke could only remember going to the park once herself and she was pretty young at the time. Avery had never been. Maybe once they'd made it past all this grief they could do something fun like that. "We'll see."

That was all the answer Avery needed because she knew it was only a matter of time before she convinced her mother to take her. She was still upset that her grandpa was gone and she knew her mother was too, but just knowing her mom was here made it a little easier.

"I'm glad you're home."

Clarke pulled her daughter into her arms. "I'm glad I am, too." In her heart, she was making a promise that she wouldn't leave again. She didn't know what the future will bring, but she didn't think that after everything that had happened she would be able to leave her daughter again.

They were still curled together when Lexa came searching for them a little while later, it looked like they had both fallen asleep after a heartfelt talk if the dried tear streaks were anything to go by. She could see how tightly Clarke held on to Avery and even in sleep Lexa could see where her heart lied. She felt a small pang in her heart when she thought of the conversation that would eventually have to take place between them.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted weekly updates for this story but I'm really having a hard time writing right now. So I promise to try at least every 2 weeks. I like to have a couple of extra chapters ready so I have leeway, however I am using one of them today and don't know if I'll get another chapter written. My mom and I have different days off which works because then I have the quiet I need to write, but she ALWAYS manages to 'not feel good' on my days off (instead of the 3 days we overlap working) and she's freaking noisy! Makes it hard to write.
> 
> So enough with my rant (sorry it's just annoying and I needed to vent). One with the chapter.

**Chapter 9**

The next few days flew by quickly with everything that was going on. Dr. Green and the hospital were trying to figure out if it would be possible to release Abby later in the week. Although the surgery she'd had wasn't extensive, they were worried about her current limitations and if she would need to be monitored because of them. Still they wanted her to be home where she'd recover faster and of course to attend her husband's funeral when the time came.

Clarke had dragged her mother's laptop back and forth between the hospital and home so that while she was there, she could make decisions with her mother regarding the funeral. On Tuesday Jake Griffin had been released back to his family and they had him taken to the mortuary that they had picked out. The funeral was set for the following Saturday.

Derek had come in on Monday and spent most of his time running the errands. He was more than willing to handle anything that couldn't be done by phone or computer, so Abby and Clarke happily handled those tasks off to him. It seemed to work out better for all of them because Clarke didn't want to leave her family and Derek didn't like feeling useless.

The night of his arrival he had greeted Lexa with a giant hug that lifted her off the floor. He, too, had expressed his gratitude that she was there standing beside his niece during this tragedy. The two had started a tentative friendship as the group spent the hours before bed together, hanging around the house.

Of course, the person that was happiest to see him was Avery. She had jumped on his back and begged to be carried around the house as soon as he walked in the door. Her youth didn't allow her to associate him with Jake the way her mother and grandmother did. It was hard for them to see him alone, without his best friend.

"Your uncle sure is something else," Lexa smiled as her and Clarke got ready for bed late on Wednesday night. The four of them had spent the night playing games and just acting goofy after dinner. It was a much-needed break from what was going on in their lives.

"Yes, well he was a very pretty princess," Clarke smirked. Avery had convinced him to put on one of his sister's dresses, although it didn't seem he needed much convincing.

It was never really talked about in their family, because Derek kept so much of his romantic life a secret, but Clarke had known for a long time that her uncle was gay. It was one of the reason's she related to him so well. She also had a feeling that when he was younger he'd had his heart not only broke, but shatter and that was why he'd never found anyone else.

"He was, indeed," Lexa agreed. "Avery has him wrapped around her finger, doesn't she?"

Clarke climbed into her side of the bed, while her very beautiful girlfriend took off her shirt and bra before slipping on a tank top. The quick glimpse still managed to make her heart race. Still she knew they wouldn't be doing anything that night, just like they hadn't the nights before, because her heart wouldn't truly be in it and she wouldn't do that to Lexa.

"She seems to have that effect on people. Even a young badass cop isn't immune," she teased.

Lexa gave her a glare. "Hey, now! I'm not wrapped around her finger."

"Oh, so I didn't see you sneaking her extra dessert."

"She gave me those puppy dog eyes. You know the same ones you use on me all the time. What was I supposed to do?" Lexa argued. She couldn't help it, not when Avery looked at her with those blue eyes that were so like her mother's. It was almost maddening how easily she caved.

"Mmm hmm. And so, it wasn't you that told her she could read one more chapter before she had to go to sleep, after I told her to put the book away."

Well in her defense she hadn't known that Clarke had already told her to go to bed. The little midget had conned her with her 'pretty pleases.' Okay so maybe Lexa had become wrapped around the little blonde's finger as well. But could you really blame her. Avery was a miniature version of the woman she knew was the love of her life.

"I didn't know you already told her to go to bed," she defended.

"I know. I'll talk to her about it tomorrow. Make sure she knows from now on you and I are a team and she can't pit us against each other."

With Lexa now in bed beside her, Clarke scooted closer and wrapped herself around her girlfriend. The other woman didn't hesitate to do the same so that they could claim the comfort that came from being with each other and falling asleep in each other's arms.

It was only after Lexa's breathing had evened out and Clarke realized she was asleep that she went back over their conversation in her mind. What they had both failed to notice at the time was how their conversation was very much like the two were both Avery's parents. She fell asleep with a small smile at the thought. She wouldn't mind sharing children, any children with Lexa.

**~CL~**

Thursday morning brought its own challenges as they prepared to bring Abby home from the hospital. She would need a lot more physical therapy before she could even attempt to use a walker, so she would be in a wheelchair for the foreseeable future. This meant that at least for the time being, she would be using the only guest bedroom that was on the main floor. Luckily it was fairly large and it would be easy for her to get around in the chair. It also came with its own en-suite bathroom.

A part of Abby was happy about this because at least she wouldn't be assaulted with the memories that resided in the room she had shared with her husband. Another part of her just wanted to be near anything that reminded her of him.

Clarke and Lexa had spent several hours the day before moving anything they thought her mom might want downstairs. They had sorted through her clothes to find things that would be easy to take on and off in her limited movement. They'd also brought down her bedding and all of her toiletries. They had tried to set up the bathroom as best as they could so her mother could be as independent as possible.

Clarke had also hired a guy to come in and make some changes to the bathroom like adding a bench and a lower shower head. In the meantime, a stool had been purchased and placed in there.

In her head, she wondered if they would need to make some other more permanent changes to the house so that her mother would have more access to things, but she'd hold off on any major changes until they were further along in her recovery and could better assess what she would and wouldn't be able to do on her own.

Each time she looked at Lexa, she wondered if the other woman realized that Clarke's life was now permanently changed. If she knew that Clarke would not be going back to D.C., at least any time soon. Maybe never. She didn't dare bring it up though. The pain in her heart was already too much to bare at times. She wasn't sure she was emotionally ready to have that conversation. She was also scared of what Lexa might say.

"Mom, when are we going to go pick up grandma?" Avery asked when she found Clarke sitting in the living room.

Clarke groaned, because now she gets to disappoint another female in her life. "Uncle Derek and I will be leaving here soon to go get her, but you will be staying here with Lexa."

"No, I want to go!" Avery yelled, surprising Clarke.

Avery had always been a mellow child, so unlike Clarke. It was one thing Clarke knew she got from her father. Tom had always been real mellow and quiet, very go with the flow. She wasn't sure if Avery was just reacting to everything going on, or if it was because she was getting older, she can't say she likes this change though.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, not this time," she calmly responded in hopes that Avery wouldn't get more upset.

"Why not. I got to go visit her. How is this different?"

Clarke put her head in her hands and sighed. She didn't want to argue with her daughter, but she would not be taking her to the hospital this time. Avery didn't need to know that her grandmother was already going to feel awkward as it is with friends and colleagues having to see her pushed through the hospital in a wheelchair. How she was going to hate having to be helped into the car and later out of it. She knew this was going to be hard for her mother and none of them wanted Avery to be around for that.

Clarke wished Lexa would at least be there with her through it, but she knew her girlfriend was right when she said she should probably stay home with Avery. The situation was already going to be intimate and Abby didn't need Lexa there to see it. They had hoped that with Lexa staying, it would be easier on Avery as well, but apparently that was not the case.

"It just is."

"Well I'm going. I want to see grandma."

"No, you are staying here," Clarke told her again, this time with a little more force.

"You're not my boss!" Avery yelled. The little girl even went so far as to stomp her foot on the hardwood floor.

Clarke flinched at those words. It was true she'd never really been a forceful parent, leaving that to her parents, but still it hurt to hear it from her daughter. Apparently, they were both going to have to get used to a new dynamic between them.

She stood up and walked over to her daughter. She knelt down in front of her so that they were eye level. "I am your mother and what I say goes. You are not going, and that's final." Clarke had never felt more like her mother than in that moment. She wasn't sure she liked it, but Avery had to realize who was in charge.

"I hate you," Avery screamed before stomping up the stairs to her room and slamming the door.

Lexa heard the shouting and quickly went to her girlfriend. She found Clarke just standing there with her mouth open and tears running down her face. She wrapped her arms around the other girl and held on tight. "Are you okay?"

"No, I'm really not. We've never fought before. I have never seen her act that way before. She hates me," Clarke sniveled. She had always thought she had the best relationship with her kid, but now she wasn't so sure. Maybe she should have just stayed out of Avery's life all together.

"She doesn't hate you," Lexa soothed. "She's just a kid who is grieving right now and doesn't know how to process her emotions. She loves you."

"It really doesn't feel like it right now."

"Look, go pick up your mom. I'm sure once her grandmother's home she'll be back to her old self. She just needs some time."

Clarke nodded as she wiped the tears from her face. "I hope you're right."

Lexa gave her that smirk that always made her heart melt. "I'm always right."

"If I didn't love you so much," Clarke groaned. "Okay, I'll grab Derek and we'll go. Thank you," she finished with a quick kiss on Lexa's lips. "Love you."

"Love you, too."

Once Derek and Clarke were gone, Lexa headed up the stairs and knocked on Avery's door.

"Go away! I don't want to talk."

"That's too bad. I guess I'll have to eat these cookies all by myself," Lexa called through the door. She could hear small feet moving towards the door and wasn't surprised when Avery cracked it open just enough to see if Lexa really had cookies. "Can I come in or what?"

Avery grunted but threw open the door. She didn't ask for one though and instead stomped back over to her bed threw herself on top of it. She was smart enough to know that those cookies came with a price.

"Want to talk about it?" Lexa asked as she held the softest of snickerdoodles out to Avery. The girl was seriously addicted to those things.

"Not really," but she took the cookie anyway and took a bite.

"Alright, we'll just sit here then."

"I yelled at my mom," Avery finally admitted when the silence became too much. "I didn't mean to, but she made me so mad."

"Why did you get so mad?" Lexa asked, hoping to get the girl talking. If she could get her to open up, maybe they could work through her emotions a little bit.

"She wouldn't let me go with them."

"Why did that make you so mad? They are bringing her home, so you'll still get to see her in just a little while," she pointed out, hoping that Avery would see her point.

Avery nodded when she realized what Lexa was saying. She wasn't being kept from her grandma, she'd get to see her soon, but a part of her was mad that she'd been left out. "But they left me behind."

Lexa wrapped her arms around the girl and pulled her so that she rested her head on her shoulder. "I didn't go with them either. I stayed so you and I could wait for them together. Your mom and I thought you'd like that better than being with Mrs. Kane."

"Why couldn't I go though?"

Lexa knew what Clarke hadn't told Avery, that her grandmother would be dealing with her own emotions, but maybe she needed to know a little bit so that she could understand. "What your grandmother went through, it's a lot for her to handle. She's going to have a hard time with her own feelings, just like you did today with your anger. To many people around can sometimes make that worse."

"I'd make her feel bad?"

Lexa sighed. She wasn't very good at this parenting thing. "No, honey. That's not what I'm saying. Your grandma loves you and she loves being with you, but sometimes you need space so that you can process things better. Just like when you came up to your room to get away. Your grandma can't do that though, so she needs the people around her to help her out."

Avery kind of understood what Lexa was saying. Her grandma couldn't walk away from what was upsetting her, so she needed other people to walk away so she could get herself together. At least that's what she thought Lexa was saying.

"Look, your grandma is going to need a lot of helping doing things she's used to doing herself. It's going to take some getting used to and it's not going to be easy for her. She needs us to be there for her when she needs it, but to also know when she needs to do things on her own. So, we're all going to need to be there for her."

"I get it. At least I think I do."

"I'm sure you do. You're a smart kid." Lexa ran her hands through the blonde locks, messing them up just a little bit. "You're so much like your mom."

"She's going to be so mad at me."

"She's not mad at you. She's hurt though. You probably need to talk to her when she gets home."

"I will, I promise. I don't really hate her, you know."

Lexa smiled. "I know that, and she does too. But it still hurts to hear that."

"Maybe I should write her a letter, give it to her when she comes back. She loves it when I write things for her."

"I'm sure she'd love that." In fact, Lexa knew that Clarke would cherish that letter for the rest of her life. When she realized that Avery was going to do exactly that, she left the room to give the girl some privacy.

Avery sat down at her desk and opened up her notebook to a blank page and go straight to work. She needed to make it up to her mom. She just needed to find the right words to show her mom that she still loved her.

Her tiny little brain went back in time, remember the times her mom would come home and how much fun they had. She remembered visiting her at her apartment over the summer sometimes and how they'd make blanket forts in the living room and just stay there as long as Avery wanted to.

She knew she had the best mom in the entire world. She wasn't just her mom either, she was her very best friend. As soon as her pen hit the paper, she knew exactly what she wanted to write.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Making sure to give you guys a chapter this week because I'm not sure what will happen next week. My dad's birthday is Wed so my brother and I are going up to Wyoming to visit (we live in Utah.)

**Chapter 10**

Getting Abby into the house was no small feat. Clarke didn't realize that getting a wheelchair up the steps to the front door would be so hard. They weren't very steep, but they weren't very wide either so there wasn't much room for the wheels to rest. She and Derek had decided just to try and lift the chair all together and barely managed to even accomplish that, but it worked out just fine.

Abby stayed quiet through the whole ordeal. It was both frustrating and embarrassing that she couldn't just walk up the stairs herself, that she had to be lifted by her daughter of all people to get inside the house. She was angry that all this had happened. That her whole life had changed overnight. But she stayed quiet. She couldn't bring herself to show her emotions to the people around her. It would make her look weaker than she already was.

None of them really knew what to do once she was inside the house. Did they just act like everything was normal and go about their day? There was silence between them as they all just looked at each other, unsure of what to do now.

"I'll, uh, get your stuff out of the car," Derek gestured throwing his thumbs over his shoulder as if to point to the driveway. He turned on his heels and headed out.

"Do you need anything?" Clarke asked her mother.

"No, uh, I think I'll just head to my, uh, room. I just need to be alone for a while."

Clarke's eyes followed as her mother wheeled herself down the hallway towards the bedroom that now belonged to her mother. Once she was out of sight, Clarke dumped herself onto the couch in the small sitting area just off the foyer and let out a deep sigh. She rubbed at her head wishing this day would be over so that maybe tomorrow would feel a little more normal.

"Where'd your mom go?" Derek asked as he dropped the bag of Abby's things just inside the doorway.

"Said she wanted to be alone."

Derek took a look down the hallway and noticed the doorway that was once open was now shut almost all the way, leaving only a small space. "I don't think she's processing all this quite yet."

"Neither am I," Clarke admitted. She kept hoping this was some nightmare she would wake up from and everything would be normal. That her dad wouldn't be dead and that her mom wasn't hurt.

"Yeah, I get it." Derek looked around the room, trying to find the right words to say but nothing was coming to him. He needed to do something or he'd go crazy. "I'm going to run to the hardware store and get some plywood or something to make a temporary ramp."

Clarke groaned and rubbed at her head again. "Okay, sounds good. Sometime today I'll look for someone to come out and make a more permanent one. I didn't even think about that. Even if she walks again stairs might be hard for her."

"Hey, you are doing great. Nobody would expect you to think of every little thing. One day at a time we'll get this all figure out." He walked over to where his niece sat and pulled her up off the couch and wrapped her in her arms. "We'll figure it out," he repeated.

Clarke leaned into the hug and hid her face in his chest. She was so grateful that he was here. She couldn't image getting through this week without him. She pulled back from the hug when she felt she was sufficiently comforted and let him know without words that she was okay. He gave her one last long look before heading back out the door.

She headed further into the house thinking she'd find either Lexa or Avery in the living room, but it turned up empty as well as the kitchen. Turning around she headed back out the way she had come so she could head upstairs, thinking she'd probably find them in one of the bedrooms. Avery's proved to be empty as well, but Lexa was laid out on her bed with a book in her hands. She recognized it as one she and her daughter had read just a few weeks ago.

"We're home," she quietly announced so she didn't startle her girlfriend.

"Good, how'd it go?"

"About as well as I expected," Clarke answered. She moved to the bed and laid down so that her head was resting on Lexa's chest. She could really use the comfort only her love could provide.

Lexa marked her page and sat the book down on the bedside table without moving too much and disturbing her girlfriend. She ran a hand through blonde locks in an attempt to sooth the other woman.

"As soon as we got her in the house she wheeled herself to the bedroom and said she wanted to be alone. I know she's going through a lot right now, and I know she must be hating everything that is happening, but she's not talking about. I don't know if I should try to get her to, or just leave her alone," she admitted.

"She needs time to come to terms with it. She's probably feeling really vulnerable now and if she's anything like her daughter she's not going to like that feeling one bit."

Clarke wanted to take offense at that, but she knew Lexa was right because she hated feeling vulnerable. Doctors were essentially trained to be strong or at least present a strong front. You needed to be confident in your abilities and in yourself. There was no room for those weaker emotions and so she more than anyone could empathize what her mother was going through. It went against her nature to need all the help she now needed.

"You're right. I should give her some time. But I should also let her know I'm here if she needs me."

"I think she already knows that," Lexa told her. "It's not something you need to tell her because she sees it in you every day. She'll come to you when she's ready."

"I hope you're right." Clarke yawned and started to close her eyes but then snapped them right back open. As comfortable as she was, she couldn't fall asleep now. She still needed to deal with her daughter.

"How's Avery?"

"She calmed down after you left. Her and I had a nice little talk so she could get to what was bugging her."

"What was bugging her?"

Lexa shook her head. "Not for me to tell you. However, I am supposed to give you this?" she pulled the envelope out from under the pillow where she'd temporarily hidden it and handed it over to Clarke.

The other girl sat up and took the envelope in her hands. On it 'Mom' had been scrawled across the middle and little pink and purple hearts surrounded it. She flipped it over and carefully opened the top and pulled out the letter within and began to read.

_Dear Mom,_

_I'm very sorry for yelling at you. I don't hate you, I promise. I love you. I thought I was being left behind again and I got mad. Lexa helped me see it differently though. She's really smart._

_But not as smart as you because you're a doctor and that's like the best job ever. I hate that you're gone so you could go to school but at least I still got to see you on the computer so it wasn't so bad._

_I think you are the best mom in the entire world. None of my friends' moms and dads read books with them. I love that you do that with me. You are always there to talk to when I've got thoughts I need to get out._

_You are my best friend. We always have so much fun together watching movies and laughing. Some kids think it's weird we hang out together but we always have a great time so I don't care if they think we are weird. It's too bad for them that their parents don't just spend time with them._

_Remember when we went to the kids museum and you got us kicked out because you were playing on the big toys and the people working there told you they weren't made for adults. That was so funny. You didn't want to tell grandma we got kicked out so we went to the park and you started a giant game of tag with all the kids there. That was my favorite day._

_I love you lots and lots. Also, I love Lexa. You should really marry her so she can be my mom too. She would make an awesome mom._

_Love you,_

_Avery_

By the time she was done reading there were tears in her eyes. She read it over a second and a third time trying to soak it all in. She smiled at Avery said she loved Lexa, and her heart skipped a beat at the idea of marrying her and Avery being happy about it.

Still, her eyes kept going back to that sentence where it said, 'left behind again.' She had always worried that maybe she was doing severe damage to Avery by leaving her in California and going in and out of her life. At least as far as their time spent together in person went. She knew she did more than some by being in constant contact via phone and computer, but still she worried.

"I knew leaving would someday come to bite me in the ass," Clarke said sadly. She handed the letter over to Lexa so she could read it. The way Lexa hadn't looked at it, she knew the other girl was trying to give her space, but she didn't want it, not from Lexa.

She gave her a chance to read it over before speaking again. "I worried she'd develop abandonment issues someday and clearly she has."

"I'm not so sure that's what that means."

Clarke looked her in the eye trying to read her thoughts. How could Lexa get anything different from what she'd read. "What else could it mean?"

"Clearly she's happy about you being a doctor and she understands it took a lot for that to happen. And she knows where you are and she can talk to you any time she wants. I think this has more to do with her grandfather being gone. He's left and she can't follow him."

"That, actually, makes a lot of sense," Clarke agreed. "You could be right. Still it hurts."

Lexa wrapped one arm around Clarke and pulled the other girl into her shoulder. "I know it does, but you guys will get through this and you'll be stronger than ever."

"I hope so."

"I like the part about you should marry me," Lexa smiled.

"Mm, I liked that part too." Clarke couldn't believe they were even talking about it and even more like it was no big deal. They'd only been together five months. And yet, she couldn't see herself marrying anyone else, ever. Lexa was the girl her heart wanted. It was still way too early for that. There was still so much they needed to talk about. "I agree that you'd make an awesome mom. Avery is totally taken by you."

Lexa 'hmm'd' but didn't give any more of a response. The idea of being Avery's mom wasn't unappealing, but she wasn't sure she had the first clue what it took to be a parent. She wasn't as confident as the Griffin girls were about that particular topic.

"Where is the munchkin?"

"She's out in the treehouse. She figured it would be the last place you looked and she wanted you to read the letter first so you knew she wasn't mad."

Clarke pulled herself out of Lexa's arms even though she didn't want to and moved to get up. "I guess I should go talk to her then."

She couldn't believe the ladder leading up into the treehouse was still sturdy after all these years. Her father must have kept it well maintained. She could see some of the wood pieces were new and there were shiny new nails holding them together. There was a pang of sadness that he wouldn't be here to keep it nice any longer.

The treehouse wasn't extremely large but it had been big enough to sleep her and a couple of friends during the summer. It gave them the smallest sense of freedom, even if it was an illusion because her parents were just a holler away and always slept with their window open when she had her sleepovers out there just in case.

She popped through the hole in the floor that led inside to see her daughter curled up on the beanbag with a book in her hands. It had been a small surprise to find Lexa reading earlier, but finding Avery doing the same was anything but. In fact she would have been more surprised if there wasn't a novel in her kid's hand.

"What are you reading?"

Avery held the book up so that her mother could read the title.

"I thought we decided you weren't going to read The Hunger Games for a few more years." Clarke was fine with her daughter reading the book someday because it was a good book. However, she didn't think her ten-year-old needed to be exposed to the dark themes of the book just yet.

"I know, but I've read everything else in my room, so I went looking in yours. Beside I saw the movie at Sydney's house a couple weeks ago."

Clarke conceded then. If she'd already seen the movie there wasn't really any reason not to let her read the book. At least then she'd get the whole story. "Alright then. I haven't read it since I was in high school. I'll have to get a refresher."

Avery sat the book aside, knowing her mom didn't come up here to talk about books. "I'm really sorry."

Clarke plopped down beside Avery and pulled the girl into her. "I know you are. I loved your note by the way."

"I wanted you to know I wasn't mad at you."

Clarke smiled down at her daughter. "I know you weren't. A lot has happened in such a short amount of time. It's only natural that your feelings are all mixed up right now. But I did want to know why you felt you are being left behind."

Avery shrugged her shoulders.

"Is it because I don't live here? Are you upset about that?"

Avery shrugged again. "Not really. I still see you and I still talk to you. But it's not like other kids that live with their moms."

Clarke closed her eyes and took a deep breath. If the decision hadn't already been mostly taken out of her hands it was decided now. She wasn't going to leave again. She couldn't do that to Avery and she couldn't do it to herself. Her mom would need her for the foreseeable future anyway, so either way it was going to happen. "So, you are mad at me."

"No, I know you had to go away to school. It just sucks."

"Yeah it does," she agreed. "Is that the only reason? Or is it because of grandpa?" She needed to know so that she could figure out how to help her baby girl.

"He's not coming back and I miss him," Avery said sadly. "I can't talk to him and I really want too."

So, Jake Griffin was the catalyst for this bout of pent up emotion that spewed out earlier. Lexa was right after all. "I know how you feel, sweetheart. We'll always miss him, but it'll get better with time."

They sat in silence for a little while, each giving into their grief for those quiet moments. They took comfort in each other. Being together had always made their day just a little bit better, especially when those days for so long game so far in between.

"There's something else I wanted to talk to you about."

"Am I in trouble?" She'd never been in trouble with her mom before. Her grandparents, sure, but never her mom.

"Not yet. But you can't try to pit Lexa and I against each other." Clarke saw the confusion on Avery's face and knew she didn't understand. "What I mean is, if I tell you to do something you need to do it, not ask someone else, like asking Lexa to read longer."

Avery knew she was caught. She didn't think her mom would find out, but apparently, she did. "Okay."

"I'm serious. Her and I talked about it. Same goes if she tells you to do something. I know she's not your parent," Clarke wanted to add a 'yet' on there but she didn't, "but she is an adult you need to respect."

Avery was already starting to see Lexa as another parent so it wouldn't be hard to listen to her too. "I still think you should marry her."

"Maybe someday I will," Clarke admitted. "I hope we do get married someday, because I do love her. But that also means that her and I talk to each other, a lot. So, you can't think you're going to get away with things like the other night."

"I won't. I promise."

"Good. Now let's go find Lexa and decide what to do for dinner because I'm hungry."

The two laughed and teased as the wandered back into the house. Clarke knew that at least for now everything was going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone remembers I mentioned this story came to me while watching Disney's Andi Mack. Well I just read they are going to have Disney Channel's first real LGBTQ storyline with a main character so I'm even more glad I decided to watch that show even if I'm way past my Disney days. LOL


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, I was having a hard time writing this chapter. We've made it to the funeral.

**Chapter 11**

The day of Jake's funeral arrived much to quickly for the family. There was a somber feeling throughout the large house as the family began preparing for the day. Silence filled the hallways as each person was locked away in the room they occupied to get dressed.

As Clarke slipped the black dress over her body she caught sight of her reflection in the mirror and felt the tears begin to pool in her eyes. She couldn't do this. She didn't know how she could possibly say goodbye to her father. There was anger inside of her that he was here one day and then just gone. She fell down onto the bed and cradled her head in her hands as the tears began to fall.

It wasn't long before she felt strong arms wrap around her waist and her body instinctively fell back into Lexa's embrace. She turned her head and buried it in Lexa's neck. The other girl just held on tight and let her cry out everything she was feeling. She couldn't even begin to imagine what Clarke was going through.

Once she felt a little more like herself, Clarke pulled back just enough to look deeply into the green eyes she loved so much. She leaned in and placed a soft kiss on Lexa's lips. One that she hoped conveyed how much she appreciated Lexa being there with her.

As soon as Clarke felt like she could breathe again she assured Lexa she was fine and the two went back to getting ready. They headed down the stairs hand in hand to find Abby and Derek just inside the family room ready to go.

"Has Avery come down yet?" Clarke asked when she noticed the girl was nowhere to be found.

"I haven't seen her yet," Abby answered. "Her room has been awfully quiet though."

Clarke nodded her head in agreement. "I'll go check on her." She separated her hand from Lexa's and headed back up the stairs.

Avery's door was closed tight, and she couldn't hear any movement on the other side. She knocked softly but didn't get a response. With hesitation she opened the door, careful not to make a sound and peeked in to find her daughter curled on her bed still in her pajamas.

Clarke was torn on where to go from there. She wasn't so good with the real parenting stuff, although she was learning. Still it was clear that Avery was in need of something and she was going to have to provide whatever that was.

She made a quick decision and headed down back down to the rest of her family and spoke quietly to the group. "She's not ready yet. Go ahead and go. We'll meet you there soon,"

"Are you sure?" Abby asked. She didn't like the idea of leaving her girls at that moment. She could tell there was more going on, but she didn't want to push.

"Yeah, she just needs some time I think. Go ahead and head out. I'll talk to her and hopefully we won't be too much longer." She didn't give anyone a chance to respond and instead made her way back up to her daughter's room.

This time instead of knocking, she walked straight into the room and climbed onto the bed behind her little girl. She wrapped an arm around Avery's waist and cuddled them close together. She could see the tear tracks on her daughter's face and choked back her own emotion.

"What's going on in that head of yours? How come you aren't dressed?" she asked softly.

Avery wiggled in her arms but didn't pull away. She took comfort in the way her mother was holding her. "I don't want to go," was all Avery responded with.

Clarke could understand that, she didn't want to go either, but this wasn't about her, it was about Avery. "How come?" she asked, trying to keep her voice neutral. She wanted Avery to feel like she could tell her without feeling influenced in how she felt. And she wanted her to feel like she was genuinely interested in the answer.

"I don't want to say goodbye to Grandpa. I don't want him to be dead."

The room was silent for a moment as Clarke tried to think of a response. What could she say when she wished the same thing? How could she possibly ease her daughter's pain when she felt like she was hurting more than she herself could bare?

She held Avery even tighter in her arms and nuzzled her face into the blonde locks that were so like her own. "I don't want him to be gone either," she finally admitted. "I won't make you go if you really don't want to, but you know that whether you are there or not, it won't change that he's gone."

Avery sniffled. "I know."

"What I can tell you is this," Clarke continued. "If you don't go, you might someday come to regret it. You'll never have the chance to say goodbye and see him one last time."

Silence fell over the room as the young girl thought through her mother's words. She rolled over so she was facing Clarke and hid her face in the front of Clarke's dress, soaking up the feeling of having her near. "Do I have to wear black? Grandpa hated that color. He said it was to sad."

A small smile found its way onto Clarke's face at that. She could remember her father telling her the exact same thing when she was younger. "You can wear whatever you like."

"Grandpa bought me a blue dress a few weeks ago because he said he saw it and it reminded him of my eyes. I think I'm going to wear that."

"He'll love that," Clarke smiled. "I'll let you get dressed then." She felt much better about the situation as Avery pulled away and headed to her closet to find the dress. "Holler at me if you need me," she told her daughter as she made her way out of the room.

Once she was out in the hallway she started thinking that maybe Avery had the right idea. She turned and headed towards the master bedroom to go through her mother's closet. She didn't bring a whole lot of clothes with her and had in fact just bought the dress she was wearing the day before, but now it just didn't feel right. She was hoping she might be able to borrow something else to wear.

She felt good about that decision when she found a light blue blouse and black skirt that should fit her just fine. She would still be able to wear some black in mourning, but she felt that her dad would appreciate a little bit of color.

She was surprised to find Lexa sitting on the couch when she eventually made it back down to the family room. "You waited. I thought you'd go with my mom and Derek."

Lexa smiled and pulled her girlfriend into a hug. "Like I'd go without you. I'm here for you, and for Avery."

Clarke smiled at the thought. In such a short amount of time Lexa had not only taken to her daughter but they had created their own special bond. It was something she feared she wouldn't see with how Lexa found out, but she was glad it had.

"You changed," Lexa noted.

"Yeah, Avery didn't want to wear black. She reminded me that my dad hated that color, so I told her to wear whatever she wanted."

"So, you changed in solidarity or…"

Clarke gave her a small smile. "Partly that, and partly because I think my dad would be happier with a little bit of color."

Lexa nodded her head in understanding. She felt like she wanted to change also, but unfortunately, she didn't have anything else to wear that was nice. So, what she had would have to do.

"There's probably something else I should mention," Clarke started. She'd been meaning to tell Lexa for a while, but it just hadn't ever come up. "With everything going on I haven't had a chance to warn you about my grandmother." Luckily, they hadn't yet crossed paths with the elder Griffins. Her grandparents came in sometime yesterday but needed to 'settle' into their hotel.

"What about her?" Lexa asked curiously.

"Just that she may say things and I just want you to ignore her. I don't want to go into too much detail because Avery could come down any minute, but let's just say she's not the nicest of people and leave it at that for now."

Lexa was curious, but she could understand if Clarke didn't want to risk Avery overhearing it, especially if it was really bad. She hoped Clarke would give her a bigger explanation eventually. Or she might just find out herself if she found herself near Mrs. Griffin.

They both heard footsteps on the stairs and turned to find Avery coming down, now all dressed and ready to go.

"You look beautiful, sweetie," Lexa told her. The color of the dressed reminded her of both girls that she had come to love so much. Avery gave her a smile and Lexa couldn't help herself, she met the girl at the bottom of the stairs and gave her a giant hug. "Your grandpa is going to be smiling down at you and telling all his new friends how beautiful you are."

"Am I as pretty as mom?"

"Even prettier," Lexa told her with a smirk she then threw at Clarke.

"All right you two. Let's get out of here." She didn't want to leave, she wanted to stay here in this house with the two girls that meant the world to her, but she knew they needed to go. She had meant what she said to Avery earlier. She would come to regret it if she didn't take this chance to say goodbye.

The trio headed out the door and climbed into Abby car, making their way towards the funeral home.

**~CL~**

Clarke, Lexa and Avery made it to their destination with just a little time left for the viewing. Clarke held on to Avery's hand as they made their way through the line of people and found a place beside her mother. Abby took notice of Clarke's change of clothes but didn't say anything. Instead she turned her attention back to a longtime friend of her husband's.

The room for the viewing was fairly large and painted in green tones. On the right side of the room was where the casket sat with flowers on pedestals going off in either direction. Along the wall between the casket and the door was where the family was meant to stand to greet loved ones who had come to offer their condolences. Abby sat there in her wheelchair and Clarke now stood beside her with Avery tucked into her side. There was also an older couple who Lexa could only assume were Jake's parents. Derek was over there as well but he hung back a little bit, only greeting the ones that would seek him out.

On the far wall there were pictures and a video playing of photos and videos of Jake Griffin. Lexa made her way over there and watched the video for a few moments and smiled at some of the videos of Jake with a young Clarke. She was sad she'd never get to meet the man who had raised the girl she loved so much.

On the left side of the room there sat several couches in a small seating area. Lexa made her way over there and found a spot where she could keep an eye on her girlfriend. She didn't feel she had a place by Clarke's side right then, but she still wanted to be able to jump in if Clarke needed her.

She watched a few people that greet Avery, but most barely acknowledged her even being there. When the little girl looked her way, Lexa made a motion to let her know she could come join her if she wanted too. She watched as Avery quickly spoke to Clarke, who then threw a look her way. She smiled at Lexa and gave Avery a small nudge in her direction.

Instead of taking the space beside her on the small couch, Avery climbed up into Lexa's lap and leaned into her. The action caught Lexa off guard and she hesitated a moment on what to do. It only took a moment before she relaxed and wrapped her arms around the young girl and held her close. The girl was almost as tall as she was from their current position, but it didn't seem to faze her as she took comfort from the woman she was slowly becoming attached to.

The two watched on for a while as Clarke and Abby both were made to shake hands or accept hugs from the people coming in. Lexa could tell from her place that Clarke was trying very hard not to look towards the casket

The line began to thin out as people made their way towards the chapel like room for the actual service. The few that remained were soon asked to leave so that the family could have a few moments alone to say their goodbyes.

Once freed from her post, Clarke made her way over to her two girls and as Avery stood up, Clarke wrapped her arms around her daughter in a tight hug. She needed to feel that connection with her child right then.

Lexa moved to stand and head towards the door.

Clarke put a hand on her arm to stop her. "Where are you going?"

"They asked for family only, so I figured I'd head to the chapel."

Clarke took Lexa's hand within her own and entwined their fingers. "You are family, silly. And I can't do this without you."

Lexa smiled and squeezed their fingers together to show Clarke she understood. They both saw the curious look Clarke's grandma was giving them, but chose to ignore it. This right then was more important.

With one of her girls on each side, Clarke led them over towards the casket. She looked in at the man she loved dearly and whispered a goodbye. She wanted to give him one last kiss on the cheek or even a hug, but she couldn't bring herself to touch him. It wouldn't be the same anyway. "I love you so much, dad. I'm going to miss you so much."

There were tears pouring down her cheeks and when she noticed Avery's were the same she let go of Lexa and hugged her close again. More sobs came out as they prepared the casket for closing. She felt soft hands on her shoulders but all she could concentrate on right then was the small girl in her arms. Someone who felt the same pain she was feeling. Avery and Clarke had both been raised by the man they had lost forever.

As they followed the casket into the chapel room, Clarke tried to keep her composure, but it wasn't easy. She wanted Lexa and Avery on either side of her, but when her daughter insisted on sitting between them, she couldn't deny her anything. So instead she sat with an arm wrapped around Avery and subtle contact with Lexa. Her mother sat on her other side, so she grabbed her mother's hand and held onto it.

Most of the words that were spoken barely registered with Clarke. She didn't need to hear all the great things being said about her father because she already knew them. She couldn't listen to her grandparents talk about how much they would miss their son because she it couldn't compare in her mind to how much she would miss him and how much she would still need him.

He wouldn't be there to walk her down the aisle if she and Lexa got married someday. He wouldn't be there to see any more grandchildren if they decided to have more kids, which she really hoped they did. He would miss it all.

She regretted agreeing to giving her own speech when it was her turn. She wasn't sure she could even make it up to the podium, much less stop the tears enough to speak. As she released Avery to stand up, the girl turned and leaned into Lexa which helped her calm down just a little bit.

She looked out at all those that had come to say goodbye to her father and let out another sob. She grabbed a tissue that had been placed down beside the podium and wiped at her eyes. "Thank you all for coming," she started.

Another sob and another wipe of her eyes before she could continue again. "I um, I couldn't ask for a better father. Jake Griffin wasn't just my parent, he was one of my best friends. Some of you know I got pregnant in high school. I feared telling my parents, but my dad never even batted an eye. If he was disappointed, I never knew about it. Instead he treated me much the same as I'm sure he treated my mom when she was pregnant with me.

"He ran out for my midnight cravings and he massaged my feet when they were swollen. And the day Avery was born he was the most excited I had ever seen him." Clarke threw a smile at her daughter. "He did more than his fair share of raising me and he stepped in and raised my daughter when I couldn't. He was the best father I could have asked for and an even better grandfather. And I'm going to miss him terribly." She paused not sure if she had it in her to go on. There was more she wanted to say, but right then she couldn't find the words. Her father knew how she felt and that was the most important part.

She didn't both to say anymore more, or offer any apologies she just walked back to her seat and this time she pulled Avery into her lap. Just talking about her daughter made her even more thankful that she had her in her life. There was not a single day she had ever regretted having her and today of all days she wasn't sure how she would have gotten through this without Avery by her side.

Derek was up next but again Clarke tuned everything out. As she held Avery there on her lap and felt Lexa scoot closer she was starting to feel the smallest ounce of peace and it felt good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as I stated last chapter I live in Utah and grew up in the LDS/Mormon church. All the funerals I have been to have been religious ones so I hope I did this justice by going with what I know but leaving religion out of it. The funeral home is based on the one my family uses every time. It was hard for me to write this also because I've been to so many funerals I feel as though I have become some what desensitized to death.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's like 3:30 am my time but I'm uploading now because I don't want to forget tomorrow. I'm not sure if I'll get a new chapter up before Christmas or not since I'm doing some homemade presents that will take up my time, but I'll try.

**Chapter 12**

The ride to the cemetery from the funeral home was completed in silence. Abby leaned her head against the window with her eyes glued to the outside, although her brain couldn't process any of the scenery. Derek sat next to her with his head tilted back and his eyes closed.

Lexa sat across from Abby. Her hands were in her lap and her eyes glued to them as she played with her fingers. She wanted to offer some form of comfort, but words seemed to fail her. There was nothing she could say that would make any of this any better.

Next to her Clarke sat with Avery curled in her lap. Under normal circumstances she wouldn't even think of letting Avery sit in moving vehicle without being strapped in with her own seat belt, but this was anything but normal circumstances. She needed the connection as much as her daughter did.

None of them would be able to recall the things that were said at the grave side service. Their only focus was on the brown casket that sat there ready to be given to the earth. Clarke was just glad they would be leaving before it was lowered into the hole. She didn't know if she could take watching her father become part of the earth.

Avery this time took the position between her mother and grandmother, holding each of their hands as they all stood there with the wind bringing on a slight chill. Lexa was on Clarke's other side and their fingers were entwined. Clarke threw a quick look at Lexa and wondered how she would have ever made it through this week without her.

Having already arranged for their cars to be driven home from the funeral home, the limo took them straight home from the cemetery so that they could prepare for the family and friends that would be arriving at the house for the small luncheon that had been prepared by some of Abby's colleagues.

Once they had all made it inside the house, Abby pushed herself down the hall into her bedroom so that she could have a few moments to herself. She needed some space to deal with all the emotions swirling inside of her.

Clarke wanted to do the same, but she didn't think it would be appropriate for both of them to disappear. She should probably see if the ladies in the kitchen needed any help with anything. It felt like these days she was the head of the household and she wasn't sure she like that feeling.

"Mom, can I change my clothes?" Avery asked before she could walk away.

Clarke wanted to do that same, wishing she could feel the comfort of a pair of jeans, but again she didn't know what was appropriate. However, she would never make her kid do something she didn't want to. "If you want, go ahead."

She watched Avery head up the stairs before turning and heading towards the kitchen. She could feel Lexa behind her and she knew she didn't even need to tell the other woman what she was doing, she would just know.

The two girls helped three of the nurses that Abby worked with get everything set up. They had laid out tables and chairs around the backyard. Along the fence to Mrs. Kane's they set up a buffet line filled with ham, cheesy potatoes and just about every kind of casserole and salad you could come up with.

Soon people began to filter into the house and congregate all over the backyard. Most were closed off in groups, family, Abby's co-workers, Jake's co-workers, other friends. A few ventured between everyone but most just stuck to their own. A lot of the faces Clarke didn't recognize but most recognized her and it kept her off balance.

She made the rounds and greeted the people who had shown up to mourn with them but none of it still felt real. She wished she could have Lexa by her side, but her girlfriend had taken on a hostess/server role. She kept finding her cleaning up after somebody, or fetching a drink or a plate for someone who didn't have one yet.

"Where's that daughter of yours?" Ben, one of her father's friends asked when she reached his table.

"She's around here somewhere," Clarke answered with a quick pass of the area. In truth she wasn't sure if Avery had ever come back down. She hadn't seen her since she wandered up to her room. She should probably go check on her if she could make it back inside without being stopped.

Her mother hadn't made an appearance yet either, but she had no clue what to do about that one. Should she go check on her as well, or leave her alone.

"Your father could never stop talking about that girl. Or you for that matter," Ben started, breaking her from her thoughts. "He was proud of you. I hope you know that."

"I do," Clarke choked back a sob. If there was one thing that she was sure of, it was how proud her father was of her, because he had told her constantly.

"Yeah, he hung a copy of your med school acceptance letter up in his office. He made sure to point it out to anyone who happened to pop in there. And he was just as proud of every one of Avery's achievements. I don't think there's a single person he worked with that hasn't heard his stories."

As much as she liked Ben, she needed to walk away. Her heartbreak was still too raw to hear things like this about her dad. "It was nice chatting with you Ben, but I gotta go help my mom out," she lied.

She tried to make her way into the house, but again and again she was stopped. She eventually realized she wouldn't be able to leave the yard, at least so long as she was the only one out there. So, unless her mom showed, she was stuck. So instead she found the next best thing, Lexa.

"Have you seen Avery?"

"No, I haven't," Lexa told her.

"I keep trying to make it inside to check on her, but I get stopped at every turn. Without Mom out here, I'm kind of stuck on guest duty."

"Want me to go see?"

"Will you please?"

Lexa smiled and gave her arm a light squeeze. "You don't even have to ask."

**~CL~**

Lexa made her way up the stairs and checked Avery's room, but the girl didn't appear to be in there. She was pretty sure Avery hadn't come down, so she had to be up there somewhere. The bathroom door was open, so she knew she wasn't in there. She wasn't in Clarke's room either. There were a couple other bedrooms up there, but she couldn't find a reason why Avery would be in any of those, so that left one last place.

The door to the master bedroom was closed all but a sliver and there were no lights on in the room, but she was pretty sure she heard a sob. Pushing the door open, she found Avery curled up on the bed in a t-shirt that was much too big for her small frame. She knew instantly that it had to be one of Jakes.

She took a seat on the bed beside the girl and laid a hand on her shoulder. "Oh, sweetheart," she whispered. She felt so bad for this girl that had already gone through so much.

Avery didn't verbally respond but she did roll over and lay her head in Lexa's lap. She pressed her face into the other woman's stomach as another sob racked her body. She felt an arm wrap behind her head and another on her back. She sat up so Lexa could pull her into her arms.

"I'm so sorry," Lexa whispered. She wasn't just sorry because Avery was grieving. She was sorry because the girl had been up here crying and none of them had even known about it. Guilt filled her when she thought of how lonely she must have been feeling.

"Your mom tried to come find you, but with all the people down there they kept stopping her," she tried to explain why they'd let her be alone for so long. Lexa should have realized something was wrong too. She wouldn't forgive herself any time soon.

"I miss him," Avery sniffled. She pressed her head into Lexa's neck and could feel her tears fall onto the woman's shoulder. If Lexa minded she didn't say anything.

"I know you do, sweetie." Lexa just held her and let her cry it out. She didn't know what else she could do. When the she could feel the tears start to slow, she moved them so she could see Avery's face. "I hate seeing you so sad. I wish I could do something to take away your pain."

Avery gave her a tiny half smile. Just having Lexa there helped a lot. She wished it was her mom, or even her grandma, but Lexa was a good substitute when they couldn't be. She really hoped she got to call her mom one day. "I love you, Lexa."

Lexa held back her own sob as she looked down into that sweet little face. She had barely known Avery a week, and yet she was starting to forget what life was like without the little mini Clarke. This girl had come to mean so much to her in such a short amount of time. "I love you, too, Avery."

**~CL~**

Unaware of what was transpiring between her daughter and girlfriend, Clarke continued to greet people as they came and went. Her feet were starting to kill her and the first chance she got, she kicked her heels off and under a table. It might not be the most appropriate to go around barefoot, but at this point she didn't care. At least her father had taken really good care of their lawn, so she didn't have to worry.

With no one looking for her immediate attention, she crashed down into a chair and rubbed her aching feet. Once she felt a little relief she sat up straight and took a deep breath, giving herself just a minute of peace.

She felt more than saw another body making their way towards her, but this time when she saw who it was, she stood up and moved to meet the other woman half way. "Trish, you came. It's so good to see you."

"It's good to see you, too. Although I wish it was under different circumstances," the older woman responded. The two of them exchanged a firm hug.

"Me too," Clarke agreed. Suddenly seeing Trish in the flesh, she felt guilty. She hadn't kept in contact with the other woman the way she promised she would. "How's uh, how's the family?" she asked hesitantly.

"They're good. Luke's business is really picking up so we're finally not living paycheck to paycheck, which is nice. Tommy just turned five so he'll be starting kindergarten next year," Trish rambled on about her husband and son.

Clarke couldn't believe Tommy was already five. But then again, she had a hard time with the fact that Avery would be turning eleven soon after the start of the next school year. "Did they come with you?" She wouldn't mind seeing the little boy she thought of as her nephew. He was her daughter's cousin after all.

"No, they stayed home. I thought it best. But maybe if you're here for a while you can come visit. Bring Avery, too. Tommy loves playing with her."

"I will." She didn't tell Trish she was back for good. She needed to have that conversation with Lexa first, and soon. Before she could say anything else, both women heard a screech.

"Aunt Trish!" Avery screamed and ran to give the other woman a hug.

Trish wrapped her arms around the girl and held on tight as she rocked them from side to side. "Hey, lovebug. How are you doing?"

"I'm okay, I guess. I miss grandpa though."

"I know you do."

"Is Tommy here?" Avery asked excitedly.

"No, he stayed at home with your Uncle Luke," Trish answered sadly. She didn't realize she'd break her nieces heart by not bringing her son.

Clarke looked at her daughter's disappointed face, before exchanging a look with Trish. They both seemed to understand each other.

When Clarke had first realized she was pregnant she debated with herself for weeks on if it would be right to tell Trish. The woman had just lost her brother and she didn't know if the news would be happy or sad for her. In the end she had just showed up at her house one night without letting herself talk herself out of it and blurted it out.

Trish had been silent for a moment, but then a huge smile broke out on her face and she had pulled Clarke into the house and they sat and talked for hours. Trish and Clarke had built a real bond after that and became the close friends that Clarke had been with Tom before.

She had worried Trish would think she was selfish when she left, but the other woman had supported her and promised to spend time with Avery in her absence. They had talked on the phone while Clarke was off in college but once she hit med school and Trish got married and pregnant their calls had become fewer and far between.

It was something she would have to fix now.

Clarke saw Lexa looking their way over Trish's shoulder and signaled for her to come join them. When Lexa had made it to her side, she wrapped an arm around her back and held her close. "Trish, I'd like you to meet Lexa, my girlfriend. Lexa this is Trish, Tom's sister."

It took Lexa a minute to understand the significance but then a smile broke out on her face. "It's nice to meet you."

Trish gave a large smile back and held out a hand to shake. "Nice to meet you, too. Clarke mentioned she had started dating someone but that was a while ago. She hasn't graced me with a phone call in a while though."

"Hey, the phone works both ways," Clarke shot back. The tone from both women was teasing though, the kind built from years of friendship.

"Yes, but you are much harder to get a hold of."

Clarke conceded because she knew it was true. More of Trish's calls went unanswered than Clarke's did. She should have at least sent a text back if nothing else. Oh well, she couldn't change it now.

"Well, you'll have to come over, too, if Clarke and Avery do," Trish offered to Lexa. "My son loves new people. He's a social butterfly just like his namesake was."

Hearing about Tom was much easier as time went on, but it was still hard. Especially when she looked at her daughter. Avery knew that Tom was her father and that he had died. She also knew that her cousin was named after him, but she didn't really understand it all yet. She wished Avery could have met him. She knew without a shadow of a doubt that Tom would have loved her. And he would have been an awesome father as well as an uncle.

"How's your mom doing?"

"I don't really know. She keeps to herself a lot. She's been in her room since we got back from the funeral," Clarke admitted.

"She's on the bottom floor I take it?" Clarke nodded her head. She didn't know how much Trish knew of what happened, but apparently, she knew enough. "I'll go talk to her."

Clarke wasn't sure that was wise but who was she to stop Trish. She knew the young woman had become like a surrogate daughter in her absence. She thought that maybe, just maybe she could at least get her to come out and visit with their guest. Only time would tell on that one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also Clarke and Lexa will have their chat, I promise it's coming, but they are both kinda focused on getting through saying goodbye to Jake first.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm back. Sorry about the long wait, the holidays got busy. I moved myself into the kitchen (I live in my room) so that all temptations were gone and I was forced to write (started Mass Effect series again so I played all day yesterday). Also I made a change back on a previous chapter. Lexa has only been a cop for four, almost five years, not six. (I actually did research on becoming a detective LOL)

**Chapter 13**

Clarke gave a small wave as the last guest finally left their home. She closed the door tightly before turning and leaning on it, letting out a deep breath. She was glad to have all of that over and done with now. She was grateful to all those that came to offer their condolences, but it was also too much, too soon.

She took a moment to gather herself back together before making her way through the house in search of the rest of her family. She knew that Abby had gone back to her room at the first opportunity, and Clarke took that as her mother wanting to be alone.

Derek too, had seemed to disappear, but she found everyone else that was left in the family room. She couldn't help the large smile that came over her face at the sight of Avery curled up into Lexa on the couch. She was so incredibly happy at the bond those two were forming.

The smile stayed on her face as she made her way over to them and took the empty spot next to them. It stayed there as she felt Avery leave Lexa's side and crawl into her own lap. Even with the move though, she didn't fully separate herself from the other woman, instead she threw her legs across Lexa's lap. Lexa instinctively seemed to lay a comforting hand on top of them.

It only finally left her face when she took notice of the look on her grandmother's face. She could see the questions in the other woman's eyes as she looked between the three of them. She tried to ignore it, however, and just hoped that she wouldn't bring it up.

"That was a nice service," Karlene finally spoke.

Clarke looked at the woman closely, not sure if there was sincerity in her tone. She'd never had much of a relationship with the woman, with either of her grandparents if she was honest. There were few visits between them as she was growing up. When she heard the accusations thrown at her mother, she was grateful she didn't know them all that well, it made things easier. "Yes, it was," she finally agreed.

"I didn't realize your parents had so many friends."

She was fishing for something, Clarke just wasn't sure what it was. "Yeah, everyone loved Dad at work. Mom has made many friends over the years at the hospital. She's been the Head of her department for many years now as well. So, some of them came because they respect her."

"Yes, I'm sure," Karlene practically waved off, like Abby's achievements were no big deal. "I expect things will be changing now, what with her injury and all."

Clarke had never had the urge to punch someone like she did right then. She stayed quiet though and hugged her daughter closer to keep her calm.

"I saw you had a small group show up for you as well. Like this one here," Karlene nodded towards Lexa.

And there it was. Clarke knew what was coming now. She could feel it in her bones. She really didn't want to do this today, of all days. But maybe it was better just to have it all out now. With her father gone, she didn't have to see this woman ever again if she didn't want too.

First, though, she needed to get Avery out of the room. She didn't need to hear the words that would likely be exchanged here soon. "Hey, little one, why don't you go upstairs and get your pajamas on and get ready for bed."

"But it's still early, and it's the weekend," Avery protested.

"I know. I'll be up there in a little bit and we can watch a movie or something alright?" She could see that Avery still wanted to argue, she could even understand it. She knew it wasn't so much the getting ready for bed, it was the going upstairs alone. "Please, for me."

Avery nodded and climbed off their laps. She gave her mother one last look in hopes she'd change her mind, but then headed out of the room. Clarke watched her go and made sure she could hear the girl's footsteps on the stairs before she turned back to her grandmother.

She knew she had nothing to worry about when it came to her grandfather. Chuck Griffin was a fairly laid-back guy who didn't like to make a fuss. At the current moment, she was fairly sure he was also passed out in the recliner. Even if he was awake, he never offered much back up to either party.

"Avery and your friend here seem pretty close."

"She has a name, it's Lexa. And yes, they have grown quite close in recent days because Lexa has been wonderful helping us through this," Clarke tried to hold back her anger. She knew her emotions were on high alert right now because she was grieving but she could only hold back so much.

"Is she a friend from around here?"

Clarke knew she was fishing and it was only a matter of time before she laid all her cards on the table, but if Karlene wanted to take the long way there, she'd appease her. "No, actually. I met her out in D.C. She's a cop, who showed up in my ER a few times, so we decided to get to know each other better."

"She must be a great friend to drop everything and come home with you," Karlene responded like she wasn't curious about the relationship, but Clarke knew better. This was clearly a game of cat and mouse.

"She's not my friend," Clarke stated with nonchalance. She leaned back on the couch and grinned a little to herself. Two could play this game.

"I don't understand." Karlene's tone suggested she really didn't, but she had to know, didn't she?

Clarke took Lexa's hand in her own and entwined their fingers and she sat back up and looked her grandmother square in the eye. "She's my girlfriend."

"I beg your pardon," Karlene spat.

"She's my girlfriend, as in we are dating. My girlfriend who I am totally in love with. And who I wouldn't have been able to get through this without." The last part was softer and towards Lexa. She needed her to get through this. Lexa tightened her own hand around Clarke's in a silent signal that she understood.

"You're joking right? This really isn't the day for jokes, Clarke."

"I'm not joking," Clarke said with fierceness.

"You have to be joking. You are not gay. I mean you had a baby for crying out loud. Even though that shouldn't have happened either," Karlene stated like all of it was fact.

Again, Clarke felt the urge to throw a punch, but instead, she took deep breaths and tried to calm herself. This was why she didn't want Avery around. No one should ever make the girl think she shouldn't exist, that she was some mistake. Not when she was Clarke's world.

"No, I'm not gay," she saw small glimpse of relief in her grandmother's eyes, but she wasn't done yet. "I'm bisexual. Not that it really matters because I know that Lexa is it for me."

"You can't be serious. What are you going to tell your mother? Avery? What would your dad think?"

Clarke wanted to laugh, she really did. This woman was so damn clueless it was ridiculous. "My mom knows and she's happy for me. Dad knew, and he couldn't wait to meet Lexa, he was excited, I'm sad he never got to meet her. And Avery knows, she's known about Lexa since our first date. She keeps saying she wants us to get married."

"That is just ludicrous. That child needs a mother and a father."

Was she serious? Just moments ago, she was stating that Avery shouldn't even exist and now she was deciding what she needed. "Avery has a father. He might be gone, but that doesn't mean he doesn't exist."

"That hardly counts. You can't even know if he would have been around."

The list of people Karlene was insulting today was getting extremely long. Clarke was honestly ready to kick the woman out, but she needed to finish this first. She needed to know that all cards were played before she cut ties permanently. "Actually, I do. I can't say what our life would have been like if Tom had lived, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that he would have loved his daughter and he would have been there for her whenever she needed him. That's just the kind of man he was."

Bringing up Tom wasn't helping her emotions any, but she needed to say this. She needed to talk about him because she never really got the chance too. If she said it all now, then Lexa would hear it too and she could be there for her and Avery. "If Tom had lived, maybe I would have left her with him to raise, because he was one of my best friends and I knew him, and he would have LOVED to have her. Maybe she would have stayed with my parents and he would have her on weekends. Just maybe he would have come with me to school so between the two of us she wouldn't have to be alone and I could actually raise her. I hate that I don't know what could have been. But I do know, he would have been there for her. He would have loved her."

Clarke closed her eyes as a few small tears leaked out. She felt Lexa's hand on her shoulder and leaned into the touch. Everything was okay because Lexa was here.

"I really don't care what you think about me and Lexa. I can give two shits about your opinions of Avery. As long as you keep that to yourself I could give a rat's ass." Clarke stands up and her grandmother follows suit. It's about to go down and they both know it.

"I really wanted to have a relationship with you because you are my grandmother, you are my dad's mother. But time and time again you come into this house and you insult and belittle everything. It's not my mom's fault I got pregnant. It was mine. And it was the greatest thing that ever happened to me because I got Avery out of it. She is so precious and pure. Because of her, Tom's death wasn't as hard as it could have been for those that loved him."

Clarke was far from done, she would not allow Karlene to say a word, even when she knew she wanted too. "Then today, we bury my father, your son, and you have to start shit with me. I am who I am, and you can accept that or not. I really don't care either way. The way I live my life is my choice. The way I raise my daughter is my choice. You have no say and your opinion isn't wanted."

"Clarke…," Karlene started.

"No, I'm done. I want you to leave now. Grandpa can stay if you don't want to wake him, but I want you gone."

"You can't just kick me out. This is my son's house and I have a right to stay."

Oh, the hypocrisy on her was astounding. They could barely get the woman to step foot in this house because she was so judgmental, but then when Clarke wanted her gone, she was fighting to stay.

"Actually, with Dad gone, I own half the house, so yes I can. Either leave or I call the cops, your choice." It was an empty threat because Clarke couldn't call the cops on her own blood, she didn't have it in her no matter how bad her grandmother was, but she hoped it would do the trick.

Clarke was happy it did the trick when her grandmother woke her grandfather up with a few shakes to his shoulder and stated that they were leaving. She couldn't believe he'd slept through all of that, but maybe it was for the best.

Clarke only let out the breath she was holding when she heard the front door shut behind them. "Well that could have gone better," she groaned.

"You warned me about her, but man she's a piece of work," Lexa responded.

"Yeah, she really is."

"She really blamed your mom for you getting pregnant?" Lexa asked. That part of Clarke's speech had stayed with her. Although, it wasn't the only thing. She was curious more about Tom now, but she knew Clarke would talk to her about him more when she was ready.

"She believes a wife's only job should be within the home. She hated that my dad married someone who had a career. So, when I got pregnant I heard them arguing and she said it was my mom's fault. I guess because she wasn't home to baby-sit me day in and day out. I don't know."

"Well, she's gone now. So how about we go upstairs, get in our pjs, and watch a movie like you promised Avery."

"That sounds like a great idea," Clarke smiled. She leaned in and gave Lexa a large kiss full of gratitude. Not only for being there for her tonight and really the last week, but for so easily taking Avery into her heart.

They headed up hand in hand but separated when they made it to the second floor. Lexa went straight to their room to change and Clarke headed towards Avery's room. She found the girl lying on her bed and she looked deep in thought. "Hey, Lexa and I need to change but then we can watch a movie in our room. Maybe have a sleepover. Sound good?"

Avery nodded her head, and slowly got up. She followed her mother to her own room and crawled onto the bed and slid into the middle. Lexa joined her first since she had used the bathroom first and then her mom slid into her other side.

"What should we watch?" Clarke asked, grabbing the remote to the TV that sat across from her bed. She went to turn it on, but stopped when Avery suddenly spoke.

"Would he really have loved me?" Avery quietly asked.

"Who?"

"My dad."

Ah, so Avery had snuck back down stairs. She wondered how much she had heard. She hoped it wasn't to much. This was at least a question she could answer.

"Your dad would have loved you. You already know it was just him and your aunt Trish for a lot of years." Avery nodded her head, she knew that much. "She was his only real family and he loved her a lot, but he always talked about wanting a family someday. He wanted to be a better father than his own father who, let's just say was not a nice guy."

"Why?"

"It doesn't matter. He's gone and forgotten. But he's why I know your dad would have been so happy to hear about you. Just like I didn't care that I was young, he wouldn't have cared either. He would have done whatever he could to make sure he could give you the world."

"Would you have gotten married?" she asked curiously. She knew her parents were friends, but she didn't talk about her dad like she talked about Lexa. And if her dad was alive, what would have happened with Lexa? It was confusing her.

"Probably not," Clarke answered honestly. "I loved your father, he was one of my best friends," she looked across at Lexa and smiled. "I didn't love him like that though. Not the way I love Lexa."

"Okay." Avery thought she understood. "Could he have taught me basketball?"

A bubble of laughter erupted out of Clarke. "No, he could not. He sucked at sports. He was more of a swimmer."

"Oh. Did he surf?"

"Sometimes, but he wasn't very good. He fell off the board more often than not. He was a good diver though, even helped our school make it to the championships."

"I like to swim."

Clarke pulled her daughter into her side and placed a kiss into her hair. "I know you do, bug. You get that from him." Clarke didn't mind swimming occasionally, but it wasn't a huge thing for her, so she felt safe in admitting it was one thing that did come from Tom.

She looked over at Lexa again and saw the softest, most loving expression in her eyes. She knew that Lexa understood. She couldn't say how, she just did. There was no doubt in her mind that Lexa was it for her. They just needed to figure out where to go from her. But that talk could wait until tomorrow.

"Can we watch Princess Diaries?" Avery asked.

"I think that sounds perfect," Clarke agreed. Yes, tonight all that matter was being here with her girls.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clearly I suck at timely updates. But anyway here's the conversation you've all been waiting for. Hopefully it doesn't disappoint.

**Chapter 14**

Clarke woke up the next morning with Avery still in between both her and Lexa. The girl was cuddled into her side and Lexa's arm was stretched out across the both of them. There was a complete feeling of contentment that came over her in that moment, like everything was exactly as it should be.

She laid there for a while, not ready for the feeling to end. She dreamed about what the future could hold for all of them. She really hoped it was a life for all of them together, but she feared that maybe it wouldn't be. Lexa had a job, one she'd worked hard for in DC. Clarke's life was now in California.

They weren't even technically living together yet, but Clarke really hoped that Lexa was willing to move here with her. Maybe not immediately, but eventually. She understood if there was things Lexa needed to accomplish before she moved. What she wasn't sure about is if a five-month relationship was strong enough to survive this. Was it asking too much, too soon?

Although, she couldn't imagine living her life with anyone else by her side. She knew after their third date that Lexa was it for her. She was the girl that Clarke had been waiting all her life to meet.

And now the potential loss would be even more devastating because Avery was involved. Her daughter was already so attached to Lexa that if this ended, they wouldn't be the only ones that would be hurt by it. Avery would be deeply affected by it.

She looked over into the face of the woman she loved and just hoped that everything would work out for them. That someday they would be happily married and enjoying the life they built together. Maybe with more children. Hopefully Lexa was up for that, because Clarke loved kids and hoped to have at least one or two more someday.

Knowing that neither one of her girls would probably be waking anytime soon, Clarke slowly slipped out from under them and out of the bed. She spent another minute watching them both in slumber before making her way downstairs.

She wasn't surprised to find her mother already in the kitchen, trying to fix herself something to eat. The two of them always were early birds. It was nice to see her mother was getting an appetite back as well.

She did however want to jump in and help her mother as she tried to reach for things from her chair, but didn't know if the help would be welcome. Hopefully soon they would be able to get her mother up on two feet, so she could at least stand with a walker or crutches. If not, they would have to think about permanently modifying the kitchen and downstairs bathroom for her. She hoped for her mother's sake it didn't come to that.

"Do you need me to do anything?" Clarke asked, instead of outright asking if her mother needed help. She figured that would be a simpler approach, it wouldn't imply that Abby needed help, but would still extend an offer.

"Oh, Clarke, good morning," Abby offered a small smile. It wasn't the kind that Clarke was used to, but it was something of a positive emotion. Maybe they would all make it through this eventually. "Can you stir the eggs for me?

"Oh, yeah, sure," Clarke smiled back and made her way over to the stove. Now that she was closer she could see her mother had actually been quite busy already this morning. She had enough food on the counter for all of them.

"I can reach well enough to flip the pancakes, but I know I'm not getting the eggs stirred enough from down here," Abby explained. She wouldn't tell Clarke that it had taken a lot longer than she would have like to even get to this point. "I know you've had deal with a lot this week, so I wanted to do something nice for you guys."

"You didn't have to. I understand," Clarke told her, and she really meant it. Yeah, it sucked that she'd planned most of her father's funeral alone, and taken care of the house and all those responsibilities. But she did understand that her mother was dealing with a lot. She had lost her husband, she'd lost the use of her leg, and she'd suffered a trauma. It was reasonable that she'd hidden herself away.

"I know, but I wanted to. Especially after you had to deal with your grandmother yesterday," Abby continued.

"You heard that, did you?" Her mother hadn't been in the room, but her bedroom really wasn't that far away from the family room, and sound carried well in that direction. It wasn't all that surprising if her mother had heard all of it.

"Yeah, I did. I thought about interrupting, but you seemed to be holding your own," Abby told her. She didn't want Clarke to think she had just ignored the situation. She had wanted to help her. A part of her didn't want to deal with Karlene either when she felt so vulnerable in this chair.

Just knowing her mother wanted to be there for her was enough to make Clarke happy. "It's alright. It was probably better that way. It was something we needed to have out."

"Well, just in case there is any doubt, I love Lexa and I have no problem with your relationship. Your father didn't either." She knew Clarke already knew this, but she thought it bared repeating after what she heard the night before.

"Of that, I have no doubt." She had probably the most loving and understanding parents there was and knew she was lucky for it. "Looks like these are done," Clarke said as she turned the burner off and pushed the eggs off to a cool spot on the stove top.

"Should we wake those two up?"

"Nah, neither one of them likes their sleep interrupted. We can keep the food warm until they are up." Clarke grabbed some plates for the two of them out of the cupboard and filled both of them up. Her mother had already moved to the table, so she met her there and placed one of them in front of her. "Need anything else? A drink?"

"There's fresh coffee in the coffee maker," Abby told her.

Clarke nodded and filled two mugs up for them and finally took a seat across from her mother.

"Avery loves Lexa too," Abby said, picking up their conversation up from before.

"Yeah, she does. And I know Lexa loves her back. She hasn't said as much to me, but I can see it in the way she cares for her. I love their little bond, but it worries me too."

Abby wondered for a moment why it would worry Clarke, but then she knew. Her daughter didn't have to say it, she just understood. Things would be changing for all of them and she didn't know how it would affect their relationship in the long run.

Before either of them could say anything further, they heard quiet footsteps heading their direction. Avery entered the kitchen as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes. She scanned the room and as soon as she landed sight on her mom, she headed her direction. She didn't say anything as she crawled into the small space between Clarke and the table and curled into her lap.

Clarke was reminded of when she was a toddler. Avery always made a beeline for her in the mornings and crawled into her lap when she was home. It was made even more interesting because she never did the same with her grandparents.

She wrapped her arms around the girl and pressed a kiss into her hair. She loved this feeling, even if Avery was getting to big for this. "Morning, baby. Want some breakfast? Grandma cooked pancakes." Avery nodded her head on her mother's chest, but didn't say anything.

"I'll get it for her," Abby offered.

"I'll do it," Lexa called from the doorway. She made her way over to Clarke first and gave her a peck on the lips and ran a hand through Avery's hair. "Good morning."

"Morning," Clarke smiled. The whole thing felt overly domestic and she wasn't going to complain one bit. She managed to get Avery to sit in her own chair once Lexa brought their plates over to the table. It wasn't easy though. Avery seemed very clingy this morning. "How'd you sleep?"

"Good. But then I woke up and you weren't there," the girl complained.

"We all can't sleep all day," Clarke teased in an attempt to get a smile. It seemed to work.

"I didn't sleep all day," Avery argued. "It's not even nine, to early to be up on a weekend," she pouted.

"Well I woke up and neither one of you were there," Lexa added to the complaint. She was only kidding, she'd woken up as Avery was climbing out of the bed, but she'd laid there for a couple minutes until her brain felt functional.

"Gee, you two are fun this morning," Clarke teased. She was loving how light this morning was feeling. So different from the last week. It was a night and day difference. Maybe now that the hard part was over with they would be able to enjoy life a little bit again.

"Can we have a sleepover like that when I come to visit you this summer?" Avery asked.

Clarke gave a quick glanced to Lexa, but the other woman didn't notice her. She turned to Avery then. "We'll talk about that later." Or rather she'd be having a different conversation with her daughter, but that could wait until later. The conversation with Lexa was much more pressing.

Abby noticed the emotions that flashed on Clarke's face, but didn't comment. She realized that Clarke hadn't brought up the subject with Lexa yet. So, to help out, she did what she always did as a grandmother and encourage Avery to finish her breakfast, if only to slow the conversation. Clarke shot her an appreciative glance.

**~CL~**

Breakfast was finished, and Abby had pulled Avery into the other room, stating it had been far to long since the two of them had gotten to watch morning cartoons. In truth it was Jake who usually watched with Avery, but Abby did join on occasion. It was a good excuse to leave Clarke and Lexa alone to talk.

The two young women worked together to clean up the dishes and get the left overs taken care of. They worked mostly in silence, but they'd never needed words. They had always been in sync.

Clarke looked them both over and deemed them dressed enough to sit outside in the backyard. She didn't want little ears to hear the conversation she needed to have if it turned south. "Come outside with me."

Lexa nodded. She was pretty sure she knew where this was going. She followed her girlfriend out the sliding glass doors and took a seat beside her on the porch swing. Without thought they leaned into each other and looked out over the yard.

"There's something we need to talk about," Clarke started. "I just don't know even where to start. I'm also a little bit afraid to have this conversation," she admitted.

Lexa wrapped her arm around Clarke's shoulder and held her in close. "It's okay," she reassured. "I already know."

Clarke snapped her head to look into Lexa's eyes. "You do?"

"I do. You're staying here. You are moving back home," Lexa answered. She was surprised Clarke didn't realize she'd already figured that out. But then the other girl had a lot of other things on her mind lately.

"I want to come back with you, but I just…"

"It's okay. I understand. Your mom needs you now and Avery does too," Lexa responded. She really did understand, as much as she could anyway. She didn't have a family, but she knew how Clarke felt about her own.

"You know I want you to stay, too." Clarke had to make sure that Lexa knew that. She didn't want there to be any question about if Clarke still wanted her.

"I wish I could. I really do. I have enough leave for another week, but then I need to go back to DC."

Clarke sighed sadly. She knew this, but still it hurt to hear it out loud. She didn't know if she could bare another loss. "I get it. I don't want to lose you. I mean I know our relationship is still so young, but I love you. I know we hadn't talked about it yet, but I thought we were getting to the living together part."

"We were," Lexa reassured.

"But that was DC. You don't want to move to California with me. I get it."

Apparently, she needed to explain herself. Somehow Clarke believed that this was ending. At least the sadness in her tone gave that impression. "I do have to go back to DC, but it won't be forever."

"What?"

"I do want to move out here with you. I want to be with you. I love you, too, if you remember. I just can't move, not yet anyway. Once I make detective I can look for jobs out here."

Clarke smiled, suddenly understanding where Lexa was at. "Oh. Of course, you can't throw all your hard work away. I'm sorry. I've been so worried about this conversation, I guess I let my fears tell me what I was hearing."

Lexa hugged her girlfriend close and placed a kiss to the side of her head. "I could tell. We're going to have to be apart for a little while, but we'll make it work. I want to be here with you and Avery more than anything."

That brought a genuine smile out of Clarke. Lexa would never know how much it meant to her to hear her include Avery in things. "Long distance won't be easy."

"I know, but we'll get through it."

"Once I find a residency out here I'll be working as much as I was at home. Plus, with mom and Avery I'll have little time."

"We'll make it through," Lexa promised. "You'll still need to come out to pack up your stuff, so we can have a visit then. Unless you're going to come back with me and do it then."

"No, I'd have to be gone more days then I'm comfortable leaving mom for right now. I have enough clothes for now and I can always buy more if need me. Besides, Avery doesn't have much school left, I'd rather wait until she's out, so she can come with me." Avery had a few things at her apartment, but not much. Still she had wanted to show Avery a few things in DC when she came to visit, maybe they could still do that, like a vacation instead of a visit.

"I can see about coming out here on occasion, too, even if just for a weekend. We'll figure it out."

"You are just amazing. You know that?" Clarke kissed her then, not a small peck, but with passion and all the love she could pour into it. She was so amazed that she had found someone like Lexa. She was so compassionate and caring. She knew she was incredibly lucky to have found someone who was so willing to move their entire life for her.

"I feel the same way about you," Lexa smiled when they pulled back from the kiss. "But you know when I say a little while, I'm talking months apart."

Clarke sighed sadly. She knew this, but she hated that Lexa had voiced it. Lexa couldn't take the Detectives exam for another five months at least. She hated this, but it was what it was. "We'll make it work," Clarke repeated Lexa's words. They had too, because she couldn't imagine a life without the other woman.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting even though I don't have the next chapter written which I normally don't do. I'm having real writers block lately. Hopefully I get through it soon.
> 
> On another note, I did build the Griffin's house in the Sims to use as a reference for this fanfic. Pictures posted on my tumblr which is Jaywriter.   
> http://jaywriter.tumblr.com/post/170920914205/clarkes-house-in-my-fanfic

**Chapter 15**

"Are you sure you're okay with me coming?" Lexa asked again. She wanted to be absolutely sure even though she knew she was driving Clarke a little nuts. "You don't want it to be just you and her when you tell her? You two haven't spent any real time alone together while I've been here."

Clarke groaned, but she wasn't really upset, she knew Lexa was just trying to be considerate. "I'm sure. You'll go back home soon and I'll have plenty of mother-daughter time with Avery. I want to spend all the time I can with you while you're here."

Before Lexa could respond, Avery came bounding down the stairs and stopped in front of them. "You're coming with us to get ice cream, right Lexa?"

Clarke raised her eyebrow at Lexa as if to say, 'see she wants you there too.' She wrapped an arm around Lexa's shoulders and pulled her towards the door. "Of course she's coming."

"Yay," Avery screamed as she raced past the two women and to the garage. She climbed into her grandmother's car, not really giving Clarke a choice on which vehicle to take. She knew Avery was still avoiding her grandfather's truck, and that was fine with her, she wouldn't push.

The whole drive to the ice cream parlor was filled with Avery's chatter, for such a bookworm, the girl was also very social, most especially with her family and friends.

For a Sunday night the ice cream place wasn't terribly busy and Clarke was able to easily find a parking place. Avery jumped out of her seat and moved as quickly as she could towards the door but stopped there. Clarke and Lexa moved at a slower pace, with their fingers entwined.

Clarke held the door open for their little group, but never let go of Lexa's hand. Avery rushed to get in line, and pressed her face close to the glass as she searched through all the flavors. "What's it going to be this time, little one?" Clarke asked her daughter. "Vanilla or Strawberry."

"Bubble gum!" Avery all but shouted.

That made Clarke pause. She hadn't known her daughter had even tried that particular flavor, much less become her favorite. "When did you try bubble gum?"

"Grandpa brought me on the first day of school and told me he thought I'd like it."

There were so many small things Clarke had missed out on, but knowing her father was responsible for this one made it a little easier. There'd never be a day she wouldn't miss him, but each little reminder of his influence would make it bearable.

"You should try it, mom" the girl suggested.

"Eh, I think I'll stick to my usual."

Avery turned her blue eyes on Lexa. "How about you, Lexa?"

Lexa smiled down at her, trying not to let those eyes persuade her. "Sorry, I'm a Rocky Road kind of girl."

"Ugh, you two are so boring," Avery rolled her eyes. "Can I get two scoops, please?"

Clarke knew she shouldn't let her, but she planned to get two, herself, so how could she really deny her child the same pleasure. "Okay, but do not tell your grandmother. You know how she feels about you having that much sugar this late at night."

"Deal."

Once the line was gone and it was their turn to order, Clarke took notice of who the guy on the other side of the counter was and couldn't believe it. She wasn't sure how to feel about it either. A part of her didn't want to even talk to him, the other part felt just a littlest bit of pleasure at how far he'd obviously made it in life.

"What can I get for you?" Clarke heard him ask, but he was looking down into the freezer.

"Two scoop of bubble gum in a cup, please," Avery ordered, unaware of her mother's inner turmoil going on.

Lexa, however, was fully aware that something was up. She knew it the second Clarke's hand tightened around hers. Her eyes always seemed to be looking straight at the guy who was probably around their age, but she wasn't really seeing him, she was lost in her own head. Lexa looked the guy over and when her eyes landed on his name tag, she suddenly understood.

The young man finished up Avery's order and handed it down to her and then turned to the couple. "And for you two?" he asked before taking note of who was standing there. "Oh, hey, Clarke. Long time no see."

"Yeah, you too, Finn," Clarke spoke hesitantly. "How's it going?" She didn't really want to know but she didn't want to be rude either.

"It's going pretty great. Don't let the uniform fool you. This is my shop," he bragged.

Clarke looked around the small building and tried to see why he would be so proud, but she couldn't see it. She knew the ice cream was good from her father and daughter, but the building itself was pretty drab. "You own it?"

"Well, no. My father does. But I'm the manager and he's not really around, so it's basically mine."

She remembered Finn's dad and he wasn't a small business owner type person. He was the CEO of a major company. Somehow, she had a gut feeling that he bought this place just so Finn would have a job.

"So, how about you? What do you do?"

Was he seriously trying to make small talk? Like nothing had happened between them. She remembered the last time she'd actually talked to him. She had been well into her pregnancy by then and full of hormones. He'd tried to hit on her again and she'd let him have it. The conversation turned explosive, before she'd finally turned and walked away. "I'm a doctor, working through my surgical residency."

Apparently, he wasn't expecting to hear that. Did he think she just gave up the dream she had been working towards since middle school?

"Oh, that's great," the jealousy wasn't hidden in his voice. Clearly, he had been hoping he could impress her with his accomplishments, but it didn't work. "So, what happened to your kid?"

"You mean the one standing right there?" she pointed down at Avery.

"Oh, I didn't realize. I've seen her in here sometimes but always with an older guy."

Clarke was pretty sure Finn had met her father when they were dating, so is he just an idiot, or that forgetful? "That would have been my father."

"That's why he looked familiar." Finn smacked himself on the forehead. "So, you back home for good?"

Lexa didn't like the look in his eyes. There was just something slimy in the way he looked at Clarke. And he obviously hadn't yet noticed their hands. "Look, Finn, was it?" He nodded his head. "Why don't you quit trying to pick my girlfriend up and take our orders before our girl's ice cream melts."

Warmth filled Clarke's chest for two reasons. One, because Lexa was coming to her aid and putting Finn in his place. And two, because she had used the word 'our' in reference to Avery. She knew Lexa was doing it to make a point with Finn, but still it made her heart swell with love. Maybe someday that 'our' would be followed with 'daughter.' Though she was glad she hadn't used it now and potentially confused Avery.

"Oh, yeah, sure," Finn said quietly.

"Can I get one scoop of mint chocolate chip and one scoop of chocolate in a cup." Clarke turned to Lexa. "What do you want, babe?" She already knew but she wanted to put on a little show for her ex.

Lexa could see where this was going and unlocked their fingers so she could put an arm around Clarke's waist. She placed a kiss just above Clarke's ear. "Surprise me."

"Two scoops of rocky road, in a sugar cone for Lexa," Clarke finished. Finn didn't need to know that, that was exactly what Lexa would have ordered for herself.

He rang them up without much incident after that and the found an empty booth to sit in. Avery sat on one side, and Lexa and Clarke on the other. They sat dangerously close together just to send even more of a message to Finn.

"What is with the cups?" Lexa asks teasingly when she took notice of the other two's order. "Who doesn't like cones?"

"We don't," Clarke and Avery responded with well-practiced ease. They had obviously been asked this question on multiple occasions.

"Okay, then," Lexa held her hands up in surrender.

They ate for a few minutes in silence before Clarke decided to broach the subject they came here to discuss. "So, Avery, I wanted to talk to you about something."

Avery looked up at her mother and then at Lexa and then at Clarke again. "Are you two getting married?" she asked excitedly.

"Oh, my gosh kid, stop," Clarke groaned but in a teasing way. She loved that Avery was so excited about them. But it was going to make what she did have to say a bit harder hear. "Maybe someday, but I'll let you know."

"Fine," Avery grumbled and took another bite of her treat.

"Remember when you asked about a sleepover in DC?" Avery nodded. "Well, that won't be happening because you won't be visiting me in DC."

Avery dropped her spoon and looked at her mother with the saddest face. "Why not? Did I do something wrong? Why can't I visit you?"

Clarke realized then she'd gone about this the wrong way. "You won't need to. What would you say if I moved back home?"

The look on Avery's face changed in an instant to one of pure excitement. "Are you serious? You're not going back to DC. You are staying for good?"

"Well I might go back to pack up and maybe some visits but yes, I'm staying here for good."

Avery jumped out of the booth and around the table, so she could wrap her arms around her mother. "I get to see you every day and not on camera!" she squealed.

"I think she likes the idea," Lexa smiled at the two of them.

"She'll get tired of me soon," Clarke whispered to Lexa.

"Are you moving here too?" Avery asked Lexa. They could hear the joy in her voice at the very idea. They hated to deflate it.

"Unfortunately not, kiddo. At least not yet," Lexa told her sadly.

"Why not? Don't you want to be with us?"

They shuffled around until Avery was sitting between them, it was a tight fit but it gave the young girl the comfort she needed. Lexa wrapped an arm around her and hugged her close. "I want nothing more. I promise you that. I just can't right now is all."

"Remember what I told you about Lexa's job? How she was a cop?" Clarke picked up.

Avery nodded her head that was tucked into Lexa's side. "She wants to be a detective."

"That's right," Clarke told her. "She's put a lot of work into becoming one and she's so close. If she moved here right now, it might delay that."

"I promise though, just as soon as I can, I'll move out here with you two."

"You mean it?"

Lexa smiled. "Of course, I do. I love your mom," Lexa turned her smile to Clarke. "And I love you, too."

Avery wrapped herself even closer to Lexa. "I love you, too, Lexa."

"I'll still be here for another week though."

"That's right. And I was thinking once school was out, you and I could go out to DC for a visit and to pack up all my stuff," Clarke offered.

"What about grandma?"

Clarke sighed. That was the big question. "Well we'll have to see. You still have a month and a half or so left of school. Maybe by then grandma will be walking, or at least won't need someone around as much." Clarke leaned down to whisper in Avery's ear, "just between you and me, I think Uncle Derek might be moving here too, even if he doesn't know it yet."

"Would he live with us, too?"

Clarke shook her head. "Probably not, but I'm sure he wouldn't be far away." She'd seen those looks in her uncle's eye when they'd talked. He missed being around family. With his sister in the condition she was in, she was positive it was only a matter of time before he announced he was staying too.

The conversation after that was much lighter and filled with teasing. By the time they made it home, Clarke sent Avery straight up to bed. Luckily for her, Avery was tired enough she didn't even protest.

The house was quiet, so her mother had probably already turned in for the night, or at least locked herself away. Clarke still wasn't sure what to do about that. She wanted to let her mother grieve, but she didn't want her to isolate herself either.

Later as she laid in bed, wrapped up in Lexa's arms, she looked over her shoulder and whispered to her. "I really love you, you know that?"

Lexa smiled and loosened her hold so Clarke could move onto her back. "I do know that. I love you, too. But what's with the sudden declaration?"

"I always worried that someday I'd find someone I never wanted to let go of, but that that person would not want Avery. Then I found you and I know I don't even have to be worried."

Lexa gave her a quick kiss on the lips. "No, you never need to worry. She's a really good kid. And she reminds me so much of her mother."

"I do gotta ask one question though. Did you want kids, I mean before all this?"

Lexa gave the question some serious thought. "It's not something I ever really gave much thought to. But I could see it. I can definitely see myself being happy with you and Avery."

"What about more kids? Maybe someday."

Lexa smiled down at Clarke and gave her another. "With you, I could see anything. If you want more, I'm game. We should probably get married first though."

"Was that a proposal?"

"When I propose, you won't need to ask that question," Lexa gave her a confident smirk.

Clarke wanted to rebut that maybe she'd propose first, but decided against. She was enjoying that look on Lexa's face. If she had to wait for Lexa to propose, then she'd wait forever, so long as she got to spend the rest of her life looking into those gorgeous eyes.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay finally got a new chapter written. I think I'm going to switch up my routine a little bit and see if that helps my writing and my writers block at times. Time will tell I guess.

**Chapter 16**

Clarke was startled awake with a hand on her shoulder. She blinked a few times to wipe away some of the sleep from her eyes to find Avery standing next to the bed. She pushed herself up so that she was supported by her elbow and looked at her daughter carefully. "What's going on, sweetheart?"

"I had a nightmare. Can I sleep in here tonight?"

Clarke nodded her head and lifted the blanket up so that Avery could crawl in beside her. She let Avery get comfortable and wrapped an arm around her. "Want to talk about it?"

Avery shrugged as she thought about it. "Everyone kept disappearing. First Grandpa then Grandma. Then you and aunt Trish and Tommy. Lexa was there but she couldn't hear me or something. I was all alone."

Clarke felt bad for the little girl. So much had changed for her is such a short amount of time. It was no wonder she was having nightmares. She was actually surprised it had taken this long. "I'm sorry, little one. That must have been scary. You're not alone though."

"I know. I'm really glad you're home though."

Clarke smiled and placed a kiss on her daughter's forehead. "Me too."

"Can I sleep in the middle?" Avery asked around a yawn.

Clarke wasn't going to lie, she had a hard time telling Avery no when it came to just about anything. Maybe it was guilt from being away from her so much. Maybe it was a need to spoil Avery because she didn't have her father. Maybe it was none of those things. It was a good thing Avery never asked for things Clarke really should be denying her. "Of course."

As Avery climbed up over her, Clarke scooted over to the edge of the bed and again gave Avery time to settle in. The little girl laid on her side facing Clarke and cuddled in close. Clarke ran her hand through the girl's blonde locks trying to lull her back to sleep.

Once Avery's breathing evened out, Clarke laid back down and got comfortable again. She was just about asleep herself when she heard Avery talking. Avery was whispering and Clarke was pretty sure she was asleep so the girl probably didn't have any idea what she was saying. Still the words themselves hit her hard.

"I love it here between you and mama. Safe."

Was Avery referring to Lexa as Mama? Had she really become so attached to Lexa in such a short amount of time? Should she be worried or was this a good thing? She had no experience with this. After Lacy, she'd never brought anyone around Avery. Not that she'd really even had any serious relationships. She hadn't had a lot of time to date while she was trying to get through med school.

She looked back and forth between both of her girls and wondered what her reaction should be. Should she just ignore what she heard? Maybe she should ask Avery about it. Or Lexa?

She let her mind circle around and around again for the next couple of hours, not able to find sleep again. When it was finally a reasonable enough time to get up, she slowly slithered out of bed, careful not to wake either of her slumbering loves.

She wasn't surprised to find her mother downstairs in the kitchen. Both of them had been early risers for as long as she could remember. Her father was more of a night owl, but he'd get up early just to spend more time with them, even on weekends. She missed him terribly. She wished so badly he was down here helping her mother make breakfast.

Instead she found her mother wheeled up to the kitchen table, she hadn't bothered with food this morning. Instead all she had before her was a large cup of coffee. "Got any more of that," she asked, pointing at Abby's mug.

"Yeah, just made a fresh pot."

Clarke nodded and headed across the kitchen to fill up a mug for herself. She really didn't feel like eating either, but she also knew she if all she had was coffee, her stomach would make her regret it. She grabbed a piece of bread, not bothering to put anything on it and sat down at the table, across from her mother. She took a big bite before taking her first drink.

"Didn't get much sleep?" Abby asked. She had not forgotten how expressive her daughter's eyes had always been. It was easy for her to see the tiredness still residing behind her blue eyes.

"No, Avery woke me up because she had a nightmare and I couldn't go back to sleep afterwards," she hedged. She knew she probably should tell her mother what was on her mind, but with everything going on, she wasn't sure if she could.

"My poor baby. She's probably so confused right now. I probably need to spend some time with her. I haven't helped the situation I know," Abby admitted. She'd apologized to Clarke, but that wasn't enough. Avery was used to her being there and she'd vanished on her.

Clarke was glad to hear her mother finally sounding a little more like herself. Not only that, but that she was willing to start coming back to her family. Maybe they'd get through this together after all, and not by themselves like she'd feared.

Still they had a ways to go to get back to where they'd been before all this happened. Not that it would ever be like it was. But maybe they could find a new normal. "I know she'd like that. She's been worried about you," Clarke told her. She didn't bother to mention that she'd been worried too. Abby had to already know that, even if she never acknowledged it.

"We probably need to figure out when to send her back to school."

Clarke looked down at the table, feeling a little guilty. "I told her she could stay home this week, but next week, she would need to go back."

"Oh," was all Abby replied.

Clarke realized then it was going to take some getting used to, having her home again. Her mother was used to being Avery's primary caregiver and now that Clarke was home she'd stepped right into making those decisions without consulting her mother. It had probably been the wrong thing to do, but she had been the one there this week doing it alone.

"I'm sorry," Clarke said quietly.

"Don't be," Abby waved it off. "I haven't been around. And you are her mother. It's in your right to make those decisions. We'll just have to get used to a new dynamic now that you're home. I still want to be involved."

"Of course. I wouldn't take that away from you or from Avery." That thought would never even enter Clarke's mind. She'd left Avery with her parents for eight, almost nine years now. She had no right to just come back in and take over completely. "We'll figure it out over time."

"Good."

Even with the current conversation, Clarke's mind wouldn't stop thinking. When the kitchen fell silent, it only brought those thoughts back to the front. She knew she needed to figure some things out and she couldn't do it in this house.

"Look, I need to get some air. Will you tell Lexa and Avery I'll be back in a little bit if they get up?"

Abby studied her daughter, trying to figure out the sudden change, but she was giving nothing away. Which was unusual for her child. Being an only child, she hadn't had siblings to talk to, so she'd always come to her parents to share her thoughts. It made it easy for her parents to read her, but not today. "Ah, yeah. Sure."

Clarke rinsed her cup out quickly and slid it into the dishwasher before grabbing her father's keys and heading for the garage. She didn't know where she was going, but she knew she just needed to get away. She drove the streets for a while with no real destination in mind, or so she thought.

When she found herself sitting outside a specific house, she knew that just maybe there was someone who was more removed from the situation that could help her out. Still it was pretty early so she didn't want to just knock, incase anyone was still sleeping. She grabbed her phone and shot off a quick text. "You home?"

The response came in quick. "Yeah, why."

"Cause I'm outside your door."

"Come in then, goof."

Clarke smiled to herself and locked her phone back up. She turned the truck off and made her way up the front door. She didn't even need to knock when the door flew open.

A little fireball collided with her leg and hung on. "Auntie Clarke! I haven't seen you forever," a dramatic voice squealed.

Clarke reached down and picked the five-year-old up and wrapped him in a hug. "Hey, Tommy. I missed you, too."

"Did you bring Avery?"

"Sorry, munchkin, she was still sleeping."

Tommy looked past Clarke and she thought he was making sure she wasn't lying, but realized that wasn't his intent. "But the sun is up."

Clarke laughed. "We have another early riser in the family I see," but she directed this at Tommy's mother who had been watching their exchange.

"Unfortunately, for me, yes," Trish smiled. She wasn't really upset about. Her brother had been the same way when he was growing up, so she'd been up with him and was used to it even years later when her son was the same way. "Also, he's been watching Frozen obsessively."

Clarke laughed at that. She loved that line of Anna's too. "Yeah, the only thing I can think of is Avery got the night owl trait straight from my father," Clarke admitted. She, too, remembered Tom had been up with the sun. "So, little man, what's going on? Don't you have school today?"

Tommy shrugged his shoulders and looked towards his mother for an answer.

"He's in afternoon kindergarten."

"Ah." Clarke felt like she should have known that and felt a little guilty that she didn't. She didn't just feel like he was her nephew, she had the title to go with it. Trish had told her when she was pregnant with Tommy that she was going to be his aunt. They were good friends and it would be confusing to the kids if Trish was Avery's aunt, but Clarke wasn't Tommy's. Clarke had felt honored. She never thought she'd have nephews and nieces.

"I'm sure you're not here this early to talk about this though," Trish started. She led the way into the living room and took a seat, signally for Clarke to do the same.

She put Tommy down and took a seat next to her friend. "No, something happened, and I needed to figure it out. I thought maybe since you weren't so close to the situation, maybe you could help me figure it out."

"What is it?" Trish asked curiously.

"Avery had a nightmare last night and wanted to sleep in my bed. She asked to sleep between me and Lexa and I let her. She fell asleep, but then she was talking in her sleep. What she said, I just I don't know."

Trish studied Clarke, trying to figure out where she was going with this, because so far it wasn't making a whole lot of sense.

"She said that she liked it between me and 'Mama.' That it was safe. I think she was referring to Lexa as Mama."

Now Trish understood. Well kind of. She could tell that Clarke was freaking out over this, but she wasn't entirely sure why. The only other time she'd ever really seen Clarke freak out over something though was early in her pregnancy when she was terrified that she would be a horrible mother.

"I mean they only met a week ago. Isn't it to soon for Avery to form an attachment so quickly? Sure, they have done a lot of bonding, but 'Mama.' That's huge." Clarke started in again. This time she was rambling. "Like should I be worried about this. I know she was asleep when she said it, but doesn't that make it even more true. Like that's how she really feels when she's not awake to sensor herself?"

Trish needed to calm her down, before she had a full on panic attack or something. "How long have you and Lexa been dating?"

"Five, almost six months," Clarke smiled as she thought back over their relationship.

"How long has Avery known about her?"

"Since the second date." Clarke wasn't sure where she was going with these questions, but it was helping her get a feel for things.

"I assume you've talked about her a lot to Avery." Clarke nodded her head. "So, she knows Lexa is important to you. She probably also feels like she's known her longer than a week. And I can tell she's special just by the fact that she's here with you. She dropped everything to be here for you, and I saw her with Avery. They love each other."

"They do," Clarke agreed.

"I'd say it's safe to say that Avery probably sees what you do. That this girl is special to you. Which in turn makes her special to Avery. Hell, I could see how serious you two were about each other. Kids pick these things up."

"Isn't it to fast for her think that way though?"

"I'd say it's slow. Don't you lesbians get married on like the second date?"

Clarke smiled at that, knowing she was being teased. Which was really what she needed right now. "I wish I had something to throw at you." Trish stuck her tongue out. "That's such a stereotype. And I'm not a lesbian. I'm bisexual."

"Point still holds," Trish smirked.

Clarke wrapped her arm around her friend's shoulder and pulled her in for a hug. "I've sure missed you."

"Back at you, lil sis."

Clarke grinned at the title. It had been too long since Trish had called her that, mostly because they hadn't talked much the past few years. The first time Trish had used it was when she'd come to the hospital the day Avery was born. Trish had the baby in her arms and she had smiled down at Clarke and told her, "you did good, lil sis." Clarke had known then she was honoring Clarke and Avery on Tom's behalf, connecting them all as family. It had hit her hard, but she had loved it.

"But seriously, isn't it to soon?"

"Can you honestly tell me you don't plan to marry that girl? That you haven't given it any thought?"

Clarke shook her head. "It's all I think about sometimes."

"So, if that's the end goal. I'd say that Avery's attachment is probably perfectly normal."

"What happens if we break up though?"

Trish paused for a moment to consider her answer. She really could understand Clarke's freak out, but she felt in her gut that Lexa was the one for her friend. She'd barely met the girl and yet she knew it without a shadow of a doubt. However, she wasn't the one that had to worry about a crushed little girl if things ended badly. She couldn't imagine being a single parent and going through that.

"Do you see that happening?"

"Well, no. But the long-distance thing will be hard on both of us."

Now Trish was confused again. "What long-distance thing?"

"Oh yeah. Haven't had a chance to tell you. I'm moving back home, for good. Mom needs me and so does Avery."

Trish grinned from ear to ear and gave Clarke a hug. "That's wonderful. I'm so happy to hear that."

"Still need to look for a new residency program, but there's enough hospitals around that should be easy."

"Well, good luck. But, back to our conversation. The distance will be hard, but I'm sure you will make it work. If you don't, you'll have three very crushed hearts. However, I don't think Lexa is the type to just walk away. If you were to break up, I could see her still being there for Avery."

Clarke had to agree. There were some many qualities in Lexa to love, but her compassion and her loyalty were major ones. Also growing up Lexa didn't really have anyone around her, so she held tight to the people she loved now. "You're right. She would."

"Just as your relationship with Lexa needs to go at its own pace. Avery and Lexa's relationship needs to go at its own pace. And they might not be the same pace. It's probably something you three should talk about though. Get on the same page about it. Make sure you are all comfortable with Avery giving Lexa that title when she's ready."

Clarke had to agree. What Trish said made a lot of sense. Avery was a very smart kid, and probably a little more mature than most, but she was still just a kid. She reacted to the world around taking queues from what was presented. As long as Avery and Lexa were both comfortable with it, she supposed she would be just fine with Lexa taking that title and that role in her daughter's life.

"Are you okay with it?" Clarke asked Trish.

Trish knew why she was asking, and it made her feel good that Clarke was considering her in this too. "I'm fine with it. I'm sure Tom would be too, if he was alive. Avery having another mom, _or dad_ ," she added, "would never diminish his role in her life."

"No, I'd never let her forget she has a father. One that would have loved her dearly."

"He really would have," Trish agreed. "Now for a much lighter conversation. How's the se…"

"Don't finish that sentence," Clarke warned with a smile. Man, did it feel good to be home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had a few comments that people liked Trish so I figured maybe I'd make her role just a little larger than planned.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I started writing this chapter last week, just never got around to finishing it. It doesn't help that since my last Windows update my computer spontaneously restarts on me. Anyone tech savy on this? I don't want to contact Microsoft since they screwed it up trying to get the update to go through.
> 
> Also my head has been working on a reverse side of the coin story to this story. It may happen, but I want to finish this one first.

**Chapter 17**

"Is Avery ecstatic that you are moving back home?" Trish asked during a lull in their conversation.

"Yeah, she's pretty excited," Clarke answered with a smile as she thought about the grin on her daughter's face the day before. "I'm pretty excited myself. I didn't realize when I left for college how hard it would be to be away from her for so long. That girl is my world."

Trish gave a soft smile at the look on her friend's face. She knew this of course, but it was still always amazing to see the bond that Clarke and Avery shared, even miles apart. How Clarke ever though she'd be a bad mother was beyond her.

"I feel so guilty that I kept her a secret from Lexa for so long." Trish gave her a look to continue. "Lexa didn't know about Avery until we got to the house last weekend. I just, I couldn't tell her, I wanted to, so bad. But with everything that happened with Lacy…"

Trish laid a hand on Clarke's shoulder in comfort. She knew more about what happened with that bitch than Clarke's parents did, but she knew she didn't know the whole story. What she did know was that whatever happened had filled Clarke with such deep regret that she closed herself off for a long time. For a year after it happened, her friend wouldn't even consider a date with anyone. Even after she started feeling more like her self again, Clarke continued to be very cautious about who she went out with. The fact that Lexa made it this far said a lot about the other girl.

"Have you told her what happened?"

"Not really, only the condensed version."

"Are you going to tell her?"

Clarke sighed and ran a hand over her eyes. "I know I need to, and I do want too, but I just can't make myself do it. It's like there's the giant roadblock telling me not to go there."

Trish knew that if it was something they should have been made aware of, Clarke would have told them, so it couldn't be the worst thing she could imagine, but it was still enough to scare Clarke. She just hoped that someday Clarke told someone what happened, even if that someone was Lexa, because she doesn't believe the other woman has told anyone what happened.

"I'll tell her soon," Clarke promised herself.

"Alright, good," Trish smiled. "Now, to change the subject. Will I still need to pick Avery up from school on Wednesdays?"

Crap, another thing Clarke would need to figure out. Because Jake was able to maintain steadier hours, Avery was able to ride the bus home all of the days but Wednesdays when they had a short day. Trish had been watching Avery on those days long before Tommy started attending the same school.

"Well you won't need to in the immediate future because my mom will be home. She'll be doing physical therapy at home, so she won't need to really need to leave the house except for her checkups. I'll hopefully be working again eventually. So, maybe, play it by ear?"

"Sounds good," Trish nodded, trying not to let her disappointment show.

Clarke heard it anyway. "I always felt so bad, especially when she was still a baby and we were always calling on you to watch her. You wouldn't even let us pay you." It was true, Trish worked a full-time job, and on occasion overtime, but anytime they needed a baby-sitter for Avery for one reason or another, Trish would always drop everything possible to jump in. And she wouldn't take any money, although they all knew her parents occasionally drop some in her bank account anyway. Which always back fired as a present for Avery the next time Trish came over.

"You felt bad about asking me to spend time with my niece?"

"I felt like we were using you," Clarke admitted.

"Well, I never felt that way. I loved spending time with her and it was healing in a lot of ways, like even though Tom was gone, his daughter was alive and well. I still love having her over whenever possible. Tommy loves it too. You wouldn't know it, because he's really outgoing with family, but he's more introverted like his father."

Well that was some of Clarke's guilt being released. "Well, I think as long as Avery still wants to, it would be fine for her to still come over. It would probably be good to keep as much of her routine intact as possible."

"Aunty Clarke?"

The interruption threw Clarke for a second. She had forgotten Tommy was there, he was so quiet playing on the floor in front of them. "Yeah, buddy?"

"I got a new truck," Tommy told her, holding up small blue matchbox truck in his tiny little hand.

Clarke took the toy from him and looked at it closer. She wanted to give it an adequate inspection. "That's a pretty neat truck."

"Mom says I can't take it to school. That it might get lost."

"You're mom's pretty smart. What if you dropped it in the sandbox? You might not be able to find it again." Clarke shot a subtle wink over to Trish.

"Yeah," Tommy let out a sigh that shouldn't be possible for a five-year-old. "Will Avery be at school?"

"Not today, bud."

"But, it's reading day," Tommy cried.

Clarke was at a loss for words. She was having a hard-enough time keeping up with the changes in topic and now the little boy's tears.

"The school is trying out a new program this year. Once a week the 4th grade classes come in and read with a kindergartener. It's supposed to help them in different ways and they way they do it changes each week as well. But often our two munchkins end up spending time together and occasionally getting themselves into trouble," Trish explained. "The 5th grade is doing the same with the 1st graders."

"That sounds pretty neat. Probably helps the younger kids not be so scared of the older kids. I remember being in elementary and the older kids just looks so big."

Trish laughed. "Yeah, that is probably part of it. It's also helping their reading and comprehension I think. Plus, some new social groups."

"I wonder why Avery didn't tell me about it. Especially with the way that girl loves to read," Clarke wondered aloud. It wasn't really a big deal, she couldn't know every little thing that happened, but this sounded like one of those things her daughter couldn't wait to tell her about.

"I dunno. Maybe she just didn't remember. They only started it a few weeks back, sort of a trial run before the end of the school year."

"Maybe," Clarke shrugged. She turned back to the sad little boy. "I'm sorry Avery won't be there to read with you at school, but I bet she'd be more than happy to read with you anytime if you just asked her."

Tommy wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. "Really?"

"Really!"

"Can she come over today?"

And now Clarke had opened herself up for a whole different set of worms.

"Want to get the families together for dinner?" Trish asked.

"Sounds like a good idea. Your place or mine?"

"Well I'd love to involve your mom, but I take it she's not much for leaving the house right now?"

It was amazing how Trish could pick up on things without Clarke even mentioning them. Not that Abby had so much expressed she didn't want to go anywhere. More by the fact she spent most of her time locked in her room. "That about sums it up."

"Well if you're okay doing it at yours, maybe we can get her to at least join us? We'll work on getting her out of the house later."

"Sounds good. Say six?"

"We'll see you then."

Clarke knew that was her cue to leave. Not that Trish was kicking her out, but she knew the other woman needed to get her son ready and off to school. She herself probably should head home after being gone so many hours already. She gave them both a hug and headed out the door.

**~CL~**

As soon as Clarke made it through the garage door she was rushed at by Avery and wrapped in a hug. She managed to keep her balance, but just barely. Her daughter came up to almost her shoulders now.

"You weren't here when I woke up." There was only a small hint of sadness in her voice. Mostly it was just a statement of fact.

"I know, I'm sorry. There was something on my mind, so I decided to go talk it over with your Aunt Trish."

"You saw Aunt Trish without me?"

The question held a bit of accusation in them, but Clarke didn't let it get to her. She knew how close her daughter was to her aunt. She also knew she wouldn't be to mad, especially when she broke the news. "Yeah. You'll see her soon though. They are all coming over here for dinner tonight."

Avery smiled and then ran off, to who knows where.

Lexa had watched the whole exchange but hadn't wanted to interfere, so she hung back. Now that Avery was gone, she moved closer and wrapped Clarke into a hug. "Everything okay?"

Clarke returned the hug and then placed a quick peck on Lexa's lips as they pulled apart. "Yeah, it is now. But the three of us probably need to have a little talk."

Lexa studied Clarke's eyes, trying to see if she could find any answers, but none were presenting themselves. "About what?"

"Let's get Avery and I'll explain." They held hands as they made their way through the kitchen and across to the family room where Avery was sprawled out on the couch watching TV.

Clarke walked over and grabbed the remote from beside the girl and flipped off the TV. "Let's go upstairs for a bit. I need to talk to you about something." She'd fill her mom in at some point, but right now, she didn't want to risk the other woman hearing their conversation since she didn't know how it would go.

Avery didn't even bother to protest. Instead she led the way up the stairs and into her mom's room, presuming that's where she wanted them to go. She took a seat on the couch that was tucked into the back of the room and her mother and Lexa followed suit.

"Do you remember when you came in her last night?" Clarke asked Avery.

"I had a bad dream, so I wanted to sleep with you where it's safe."

Clarke smiled because of that one word. Avery had been crawling into her mother's bed since before she was old enough to even climb on it by herself and claiming it was safe. She had figured out how to climb out of her crib when she was about fifteen months old, so they'd quickly switched her to a toddler bed and she'd often wake in the night and find her way into Clarke's bed where it wasn't so scary.

"We talked about your dream and then you asked to sleep in the middle, do you remember that?"

Avery nodded. "I like the middle. I can't fall off and your both there to protect me now."

"Do you remember what you said as you fell asleep?"

Avery shook her head. She barely remembered climbing into the middle before sleep took over.

Clarke figured she wouldn't have remembered, and maybe she shouldn't be making an issue about this. Then again, maybe it's better to have it out in the open. She didn't know. She'd just have to feel her way through this. "You said that you liked it there between me and mama." She paused for a minute to let that sink in. Lexa's eyes went wide and she shot a look down at the girl that was between them. "Were you referring to Lexa as 'Mama'?"

Avery shrugged her shoulders because she didn't know. Lexa had been there for her this last week though and helping take care of her like her Mom did. "I don't know. Maybe."

"Is that how you feel, maybe?" Clarke prodded.

Avery shrugged again. "She treats me same as you do, so I guess maybe I do. I love her a lot and she's been there helping me this week."

Clarke shot a smile at Lexa. She's been pretty amazing, I'd have to agree." She watched Lexa try not to blush and hide her face. "How do you feel about this, Lex?"

Lexa took a moment to smile at how much Clarke was sounding like a psychologist. It was over quickly though, and she gave herself a moment to think about it. She loved Avery, that much was obvious. She never knew she could love some one so much so quickly. One day she'd love to be Avery's 'Mama' but they weren't there yet.

She slid off the couch and kneeled down in front of Avery so she had her full attention. "Avery, I think you are an awesome little girl. I love you very much and I would love to someday become your mama, but it's going to take time for us to get there. Do you understand?"

"I think so. You're not going to leave me though right?"

Lexa sighed. "I have no intention of that, beyond having to go back for my job. But if you need anything you can call me, day or night. Let me see your phone." She let Avery dig it out of her pocket and unlock it before taking it and putting her own number in there. For safe measure she put in her work number. "There you can call me any time you need to. I put my work number in there too, but that one is only for emergencies, okay?"

"Okay."

"I'm going to try my hardest to move out here as soon as I can. It's just going to take some time," Lexa promised. She hadn't known when she asked Clarke out that first time that it would change her whole life, but she wasn't upset about. She was going to get so much in return. She would just have to work hard and hope three hearts didn't get shattered in the process.

"Alright, enough of the serious talk. We should do something fun. What should we do?" Clarke asked, trying to change the subject. She was happy with the result of that conversation though. She could understand where Lexa was coming from. It was a lot for someone to take on a child as their own. But she also knew that her girlfriend was being honest and that she did want the both of them as her own one day.

"Mini golf?" Avery asked, looking from one to the other.

Clarke groaned and laid back on the couch. She sucked at that game. But if it's what Avery wanted. "Fine. Get your shoes and jacket, it's still a little cool out there." Avery ran off to her own room, leaving the two adults alone.

"That went well I think," Lexa said as she took a seat back on the couch. "Hope it was okay?"

Clarke smiled and wrapped her arms around her love, giving her a quick kiss. "It was good. You were perfect."

"I just hope I didn't disappoint her."

"She'll be fine. I think she gets it. I get it too, in case you were wondering."

"I was," Lexa admitted. She didn't want Clarke to think she didn't want this, someday. She was still trying to deal with all of this though. She'd never dated anyone with a kid before. This was all knew territory for her and she was still catching up.

"Good. Then let's go get our butts beat by a ten year old."

Lexa smirked, "Who said I was going to lose?"

"Oh man, there's two of you. I'm doomed," Clarke joked. Why did everyone around her have to be so into sports, of any kind.

Thinking of the two she loved though, she wouldn't change them for anything.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I fired? LOL I'm just having a real hard time writing lately, I don't know what it is. Maybe having both girls back on the screen will help. I love the whole Clarke and Madi relationship already so that could help too.

**Chapter 18**

It was a good thing that Clarke loved the two girls that were currently kicking her ass at mini golf. It wasn't even really a contest at this point. She was losing pretty horrifically. It wasn't her fault that her ball went everywhere but where she actually wanted it to go. Lexa seemed to be able to aim it just right and get it close, and her daughter was just as good.

She knew her dad used to bring Avery here on occasion, so it was reasonable that the girl was good because she'd played on it several times. But the fact that her girlfriend was also able to destroy her was just not cool. Ok so she wasn't like big into the game. In fact, she rarely played, but still this was getting ridiculous.

She moved over to a half wall on their current hole and leaned her body against it. She watched and waited as Avery took her shot. It was cute how her daughter would sit and line up her shot and concentrate so hard.

Lexa walked over to her and came in close, so she was standing in between Clarke's legs. "Don't pout," she teased.

"I'm not pouting," Clarke argued. They both knew she was lying. She may not be big into sports and sport related activities, but she could be extremely competitive when she wanted to be.

"You are too, but it's cute." Lexa gave her a teasing smile. "You can't be good at everything."

"I don't think I have to be good at everything," Clarke told her. "I just hate that it's taking almost twice as many tries as the two of you." That might be an exaggeration, but it was taking her at least one to two more strokes on each hole.

"It's all about the angles," Lexa smirked. She knew how competitive Clarke could be, but she was hoping her girlfriend was still having fun anyway. She and Avery were having a blast, if it wasn't obvious by Avery's laugh as she landed her ball in the hole.

"Yeah, yeah," Clarke waved off. When Lexa moved to take a step back, Clarke looped her fingers through the other girl's belt loops. "Not so fast," she commanded as she pulled Lexa in closer. "Kiss to make it better?"

Lexa rolled her eyes but obliged her girlfriend and planted a deep kiss on her girlfriend's lips. They got lost in it for a minute before pulling away a little breathless. "Better?"

"Much better," Clarke agreed.

By the end of the game, Clarke could only admit defeat. Still there was a smile on her face as Avery took her turn on the last hole and managed a hole in one. The girl jumped up and down with fists in the air. She was definitely very proud of herself.

"I never do that on this hole," she squealed. "Mom, did you see that?"

"I sure did, baby girl. Good job!" There was only one thing that could feel better than being the winner, and that was seeing how happy her daughter was. "Wanna take my turn for me?"

"Sure, but you still lost."

"Oh, the sass on this one," Lexa teased. "Sounds like someone else I know.

"I am not sassy!"

"Not normally, no," Lexa agreed. She moved close to Clarke to talk quietly in her ear. "Your sass happens when you're in bed," she purred causing to the other woman to shiver a little at the insinuation.

Once the final scores were tallied, Lexa beating Avery by only four strokes, they turned their clubs in and made their way out to their car, well Abby's car. Avery still was avoiding her grandfather's truck. Clarke preferred the truck, but she'd only use it when Avery wasn't with her. She'd have to figure out what to do with her own vehicle once she made it back out to DC. She rarely used it out there anyway.

She drove to the nearest grocery store to try and figure out what to have for dinner later. "What does Tommy like to eat?" she asked Avery as she parked the car. She wanted to be sure she made something the little boy would want to eat.

Avery shrugged her shoulders. "I dunno. Dino nuggets, mac and cheese, sometimes hot dogs."

That wasn't going to work for the grownups. She could always make something different for him, she supposed. "Nothing else that the rest of us like to eat?"

"He loves spaghetti, too. He loves to slurp the noodles and get sauce everywhere." Avery let out a laugh as she pictured the last time she'd eaten over at her aunt's house. He had sauce everywhere but in his mouth.

"I can work with that," Clarke decided. She wasn't really sure about the mess Tommy might make, but she knew kids loved to make messes. She was positive they already had noodles at home, so she'd just need to get everything else.

Lexa pushed the shopping cart, following the two girls as they piled one thing after another. Apparently, they were no longer shopping just for tonight's dinner. The cart was almost full. Even with all the items Clarke put back on the shelf after Avery tried to throw it in the cart when she wasn't looking. She did manage to hide a package of Oreos down in the bottom, but Lexa didn't say a word, she just shared a smile with the little girl. She liked them too, after all.

When they finally made it up to the register and started unloading everything onto the belt, Clarke finally took notice of the cookies. She looked first at Avery and then at Lexa, both of whom had an equally guilty face, with a hint of a smirk. "You two couldn't even get the chocolate frosted ones for me? It's the least you could do," she told them as she threw it on the belt.

Lexa and Avery shared a winning smile. Lexa held out her hand and the little girl took it as they ventured back out to the cookie aisle. It was the least they could do since they'd won the battle.

"Sure, then leave me to do all the work," Clarke grumbled as continued to empty the cart. She could only roll her eyes when they made it back just as she was putting the last few items up. And rolled them again when she noticed they not only had the Oreos, but another snack item. "Popcorn?"

"Yeah, so we can watch a movie tonight," Avery told her mother as if it should have been obvious.

Clarke threw her hands in the air, knowing she had lost this round. She was happy to see her girlfriend becoming buddies with her daughter, even if it meant she was outnumbered. As she watched them high-five, she knew it was something she wanted for the rest of her life.

**~CL~**

Clarke was still trying to finish up dinner when the doorbell rang. She had help in the beginning, but it was quickly evident that this was one time that there were to many cooks in the kitchen. Plus, she wasn't sure what the joke was, but those two kept giggling to each other. So, she'd finally just sent them off to do something else.

"I'll get the door," Avery shouted from the living room as she dashed out. She was super excited to see her aunt and cousin. Her Uncle Luke wasn't so bad either, but she didn't see as much of him. He usually worked late and didn't come home until after her grandpa had picked her up.

"Avery!" Tommy shouted as soon as he saw his favorite person. He dropped the bag he had been carrying and ran over to her, throwing his arms around her.

"Hey, Tommy," Avery greeted.

"He's been so excited to come over and see you. I think he missed you," Trish told her, as she picked up her sons bag and carried it into the house.

"I missed him too," Avery admitted. "Mom says I have to go back to school next Monday. And I can still come over to your house on Wednesdays if I wanted."

"And do you?"

Avery pulled away from Tommy and threw her arms around her aunt. "Well, duh."

"Good, because I missed you, too," Trish admitted. "Where's everyone else?"

"Mom's still cooking, Lexa and I were watching TV in the living room. Uncle Derek's been staying here but he's not here tonight," Avery ticked each person off the list.

"And your grandma?"

Avery didn't answer, instead she turned her eyes down the hallway where her grandmother's bedroom was. The door was closed. No sound could be heard either.

"I see. Why don't you take Tommy and your Uncle Luke to meet Lexa. I'm going to go see if your mom needs anything." And after that she'd head to Abby's room and force the woman out if she had too. This was a family dinner after all.

"Hey, how's dinner coming?" She popped through the doorway as Clarke was dumping what looked like spaghetti sauce, into a bowl of noodles. "You know your kitchen will never be the same after my son gets a hold of his plate."

Clarke smirked. "So, I've heard. I remember when Avery was a toddler, we'd just strip her down to her diaper to eat. Pretty much no matter what the meal was, because she could make a mess out of anything."

"Yeah, I wish Tommy was still little enough to do that with. If you didn't notice, I keep a giant plastic sheet below my table these days."

"Ooh, that's a good idea. I'll have to remember that one," Clarke made a mental note.

Trish's eyes lit up and a big, teasing smile appeared. "Why little sis, are we thinking of having a baby."

Clarke clamped her hands over Trish's mouth and threw a look towards the door to make sure her girlfriend was no where in sight. Of course, she was thinking about it, with Lexa, someday. But it was way to soon, and she didn't want her girlfriend to get scared off. Even though they had talked about it in the abstract.

"Shh. Don't say that crap out loud. But, yes," she whispered. "Not anytime soon, but I do want more kids someday," she finished quietly and then pulled away from Trish.

Her friend smiled, but Clarke could see there was something else in her eyes. She couldn't tell what it was though. And Trish didn't offer anything up. She'd find out eventually she supposed. "We ready for dinner?" she offers up instead.

"Yeah I think so. Avery set the dining room table since there are too many of us to eat in here," Clarke told her.

"Alright, you gather the troops. I'll go get your mom."

"Are you sure?" Clarke asked hesitantly. Her mother was getting better, but she still didn't want to push.

"Yep, I'm positive." Trish put her hands on Clarke's shoulders. "I get why you don't push her and why you leave her be. I, fortunately, don't have to follow those same rules."

Trish didn't offer anything more, instead making her way towards Abby's room. She had come to think of the other woman as a mother figure to her over the years.

While it still hurt that her brother was gone, she was so grateful of all she had gained after his passing. Avery's very existence made her miss him just a little less. Because of him, she'd been able to make friends with Clarke and slowly become a member of the Griffin family. Long after Clarke was a way at college, they would invite her over for dinner and began treating her like a daughter.

She knocked on the closed door but didn't wait for a response before opening it. She knew Abby would likely just refuse her if given the chance. When she entered the room, she found the older woman sat in her wheelchair, staring out the window. "Dinner's ready."

Abby gave no sign that she was aware Trish was coming over, so she likely wasn't. She didn't seem surprised either. More just plain worn down by life. "I'm not hungry."

"Well, we can't make you eat. But this is a family dinner, so your presence is mandatory," she used Abby's own words against her when Trish had tried to decline those early dinner invitations.

"Not today."

"Yes, today. Your family is all waiting in the dining room. Tommy was super excited to see his Grandma Abby the doctor, so he could tell her all about how the school nurse fixed up his owie when he fell on the playground at school." If there was one thing Trish knew could guilt Abby into showing up, it was her grandchildren.

And there was no mistake about it. Tommy was her grandchild, just as much as Avery was. When Clarke became Aunt Clarke it just became the natural progression. Jake and Abby had spoiled him on each of his birthdays and Christmases. It made the pain of Trish's own mother's non-involvement much easier.

Abby turned her chair away from the window and gave a small nod in defeat. She let Trish push her through the house and set her up at the dining room table where a chair had been pulled away. A plate was put in front of her and she had to admit it smelled delicious.

"Who cooked?" Abby asked.

"It was all Clarke. She kicked me and Avery out of the kitchen," Lexa admitted. "I don't think she appreciated our laughter. It was her own fault though, kept muttering to herself."

Clarke snapped her eyes to Lexa. That did explain the giggling, but she had no idea she was responsible. She had gotten so frustrated though when she tried to remember the 'secret' ingredients her father had always put in his spaghetti sauce. She hoped she did it justice.

Abby was the first one to take a bite and she had to hold back tears at the taste. Clarke had managed to recreate her father's recipe. Her husband was gone, but when she looked at her daughter, and then her granddaughter, she realized a part of him would still be here. His memory would live on.

Sitting there at the table with her family, a small piece of her heart began to repair itself. She'd make it through this, and these people were the reason why. And as she watched Lexa laugh at something Avery said, she couldn't wait to see what the future held for all of them.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of picture Avery like Eliza looked in Sleepover Club, since she was around the same age.
> 
> Speaking of though anyone else watched For The People? One of Eliza's co-stars from Sleepover Club (Caitlin Stasey) guest starred in a couple episodes as a lady lover.

**Chapter 19**

The dinner had gone over well, and they had tried to keep Lexa involved as much as possible. There was so much history between the people in this house, it was hard at times. Avery spent most of her time trying to keep her cousin entertained. True to form, he had noodles on the table, himself and the floor.

Upon seeing this, Trish did her best to clean everything up, but Clarke just waved her off. She'd take care of it later, it wasn't a big deal. They had hard wood floors, so it wouldn't be too difficult to clean it all up. Still Trish wasn't totally deterred and scooped up as much as she could back on Tommy's plate before taking as many plates as she could carry into the kitchen. Clarke followed with the rest of them.

"I feel so bad for your mom. It's like she's not the same person anymore," Trish said quietly when they were safely alone in the kitchen. The two girls began to move in sync as they rinsed the dishes and put them in the dishwasher.

"I know. I don't know what the right move to make is either. Do I push her? Or do I leave her be and let her work it out. She's at least letting the physical therapist in to help her. He was here just a couple hours before dinner. He said she's moving well and he thinks with the therapy she will be able to walk and regain feeling, but she'll never be like she was."

"That sucks. At least she's alive and will heal," Trish tried to comfort.

Clarke turned around and leaned against the counter. She closed her eyes and sighed. She knew Trish was right, and she was so grateful she hadn't lost both of her parents that night, but it was still hard. "Her career as a surgeon is probably gone though."

Trish copied Clarke's stance and placed an arm around the younger girl. They both knew how important being a surgeon was to Abby. She'd worked hard to get to where she was, and that was in all likely hood, gone now. It was a hard pill to swallow for all of them. But it was a truth they were going to have to accept.

They stayed there in silence for several minutes before making their way back to the rest of their family. The group had moved to the living room, and Abby had retreated to her room again. Clarke made her way over to sit next to Lexa and leaned into the other girl. Trish seemed to do the same with her husband.

"So, Lexa," Trish started. "How did you and Clarke meet?"

Lexa and Clarke shared a smirk. "You haven't told her?"

"Only bits and pieces," Clarke admitted.

"The first time was when I had to watch over a suspect who had a dislocated shoulder. Clarke was the fortunate soul who got to pop it back into place."

"I take it there's more to that story, since you started with the first time," Trish encouraged her to continue.

"Yeah, she left, and I fail to get her number. I kicked myself for weeks over that one," Clarke admitted. "The next time I saw her, she needed stitches."

"And we failed to exchange numbers a second time," Lexa threw in.

"Yep. So, this one here," Clarke said, pointing back at Lexa, "showed up with flowers and asked me out."

Lexa hugged Clarke to her. "We've been inseparable ever since," she added without a hint of regret. Neither one of them had a whole late of friends back in D.C., but the few they did have were constantly making fun of them because they spent so much time together.

"Are we talking sleepover on the first date?" Trish teased.

"We're not answering that question," Clarke told her.

Trish turned to her husband. "That means yes."

Luke smiled and placed a kiss on his wife's head. "Be nice, now. Quit teasing them. We wouldn't want to scare poor Lexa away."

"As if that could happen," Lexa threw in. If she was still here after everything that had happened the last week, she had a time believing anything could scare her away. She threw a look over at Avery and smiled. Yeah, she was still here.

Trish held in the grin when she saw the smile on Lexa's face. She knew Lexa could have easily walked away when Clarke told her about Avery, but she didn't. She stayed, for both of them. She didn't think Clarke had anything to worry about. They might face some challenges, but it seemed like Lexa was in it for the long haul.

"So, since Avery still wants to come over to yours on Wednesday," Clarke started. "I was wondering if you'd be up for keeping her a little later?"

"Of course, but why?" Trish asked. She was always up for spending time with her niece, but this request seemed to come out of nowhere.

"I was thinking about taking this one here," Clarke pointed at Lexa, "on a date. Maybe show her my home town."

Trish turned to look over the back of the couch where Avery and Tommy were playing with some Legos. "Hey, Avery? Want to sleepover at our house on Wednesday?"

"Heck yes," Avery gave a little fist pump. She loved sleeping over at her aunt and uncle's because her aunt always found something fun for them to do.

"Hey, I didn't say overnight," Clarke objected. "I just said later."

"Awe, please mom," Avery begged. She put the lip out and everything.

Clarke couldn't help but smile at Avery's pout. Her daughter was the cutest thing, not that she was biased or anything. She looked so much like Clarke at that age, she had to wonder if she'd ever tried to use that face on her own parents, and if she'd succeeded.

"You'll thank me for it," Trish smirked. The implication clear in her tone.

Clarke growled at Trish. Under normal circumstances she'd love to have the whole night alone with Lexa, but she was still dealing with to much grief to be doing what her words implied. She simply wanted to spend a little alone time with Lexa before she left. Plus, there was some things she needed to say, if she didn't chicken out that was.

"Alright, fine," Clarke gave in. "But I want her home by Thursday afternoon." She wanted the three of them to spend some more time together before Lexa flew back home. She was flying back early Saturday afternoon so that she'd have all day Sunday to get ready to return to work on Monday.

"Deal," agreed Trish. "I'll come pick you up Wednesday afternoon and we'll go pick up Tommy from school together," she told Avery.

**~CL~**

Wednesday night came much quicker than Clarke had anticipated. She rubbed her hands together as she waited for Lexa to come down, so they could head out together. She was just a little on the nervous side.

They weren't going anywhere fancy, so no need to dress up fancy, but still, seeing Lexa at the top of the stairs took her breath away. She was definitely the most beautiful woman Clarke had ever seen. She still had a hard time believing that Lexa had chosen her.

As the other woman reached the bottom of the stairs, Clarke stepped closer and placed a kiss on her girlfriend's lips. "You are so beautiful," Clarke whispered in her ear.

"I could say the same about you," Lexa responded, creating a giant grin on Clarke's lips. She wasn't sure what Clarke had planned for them, but she was excited to see where the woman she loved grew up.

"You ready to go?" Lexa gave her a nod. "Let's go then," Clarke took her hand and pulled her towards the garage.

They drove around town for a little while and Clarke pointed out various places she'd hung out at with her friends. Like the local diner that was only a few blocks from her high school, so it was popular with all the teenagers.

Clarke drove a little further and pulled into the parking lot of the high school and showed her around a little bit. School was out for the day, but it was still unlocked as the teachers were still there, grading papers and getting ready for the next day.

"Clarke Griffin? Is that you?" a voice called out from one of the classrooms.

Clarke smiled and grabbed Lexa's hand and pulled her into the classroom where the voice had come from. "Hey, Mrs. R."

"It is you. What a surprise," the teacher smiled. "Who's this with you?"

"This is Lexa, my girlfriend," Clarke introduced. "Lexa, this is Mrs. Russell. One of my favorite teachers." Mrs. R was one of the only teachers that didn't give her a hard time when she ended up pregnant. She continued to believe in her. She'd even paid a short visit to the hospital after Clarke had given birth.

Luckily for Clarke she had gotten pregnant in January so by the time it she was starting to show and couldn't hide it anymore, the school year was nearing its end. She hadn't had to endure the looks and the whispers for too long. She did have to spend one unbearable hot summer heavily pregnant, however.

"It's nice to meet," Lexa offered her hand to the older woman. If the teacher was surprised by Clarke dating a woman, it wasn't obvious so that alone said a lot about the other woman in Lexa's opinion. Of course, she was probably used to students of all sexual orientations in this day and age.

"You as well. What brings you two by?"

"I was just showing Lexa around town. She's never been to this part of the country before," Clarke answered. "She's from D.C. We met at the hospital I was doing my internship."

"You finished Med school then?" Clarke nodded. "Good for you! I knew you'd do it. How's your daughter?"

"She's doing good. I think she might end up being smarter than me. But she's got a lot of Tom rolling around in that head of hers."

Mrs. Russell gave a sad smile at that. The accident that took two of their students and permanently injured another was still one of the school's biggest tragedies to this day. "You have any pictures?"

"Of course!" Clarke told her, pulling out her phone and showing her one they'd take the other day at the mini-golf course. Avery teeth were shining bright in her smile as she was hugged by both women.

"She's adorable."

"Thanks. You still gonna be here in a few years?" Clarke asked. More than likely Avery would be attending high school here. Unless something happened in the next few years, Clarke figured now that she was home for good they wouldn't need to move anywhere else.

"That's the plan. I can't wait to have her in my classroom," Mrs. Russell answered. She knew exactly what Clarke was asking.

"Good. We'll we should probably let you get back to work." Clarke started backing up towards the door, taking Lexa with her.

"Thanks for stopping in. And Clarke?" Clarke gave her, her full attention. "I was sorry to hear about your dad."

Clarke nodded. "Thanks. That means a lot."

The two made their way back out into the halls and out of the school. Clarke drove around a little bit more before heading back to the diner, so they could get some dinner. She was putting off the talk she wanted to have, she knew, but she didn't bring it up while they were eating.

It was only once the bill was paid and they were leaving, Clarke told her she wanted to take her one more place. She drove towards a local park where she'd spent a lot of time as a kid and found a park. Dusk was settling in so most of the kids were gone for the night, leaving only a few lingerers.

"Let's go for a walk."

Suddenly Clarke's voice alerted Lexa to the fact that something else was going on. This wasn't just a date to show her around. Clarke had something specific in mind. She didn't know of she needed to be nervous.

Clarke led her along a path that ran along a small creek. She took them over a small bridge and on the other side sat a bench. She followed Clarke and took a seat.

Clarke looked out into the trees and tried to gather her thoughts. She was going to do this. She had to. Lexa deserved to know why Avery had been such a big secret. Why she still felt so much guilt over what had happened that it was hard for her to talk about Avery with anyone that didn't already know.

Sometimes she tried to tell herself that what had happened really wasn't that bad. But then she'd start yelling at herself again because it shouldn't have happened at all. If only she'd been more aware of what Lacy really was. Maybe all of it could have been avoided.

She took a deep breath and turned to look at Lexa. "I've never told anyone the whole story of what happened with Lacy. But I want to tell you. Maybe then you'll understand."

She opened her mouth and the whole story came spilling out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was originally going to include the Lacy stuff in this chapter but then it got to long. So sorry about the cliffhanger. I'll try to get the next chapter up quicker.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

_She took a deep breath and turned to look at Lexa. "I've never told anyone the whole story of what happened with Lacy. But I want to tell you. Maybe then you'll understand."_

_She opened her mouth and the whole story came spilling out._

"The story I told you before was a condensed version, a lot of things left out," Clarke started. "I met Lacy the first week of my second year of college, she was a freshman. We bumped into each other in the library, literally, and she seemed so frazzled. She told me she was having a hard time adjusting to college life as we cleaned up the mess we had created."

Clarke took a breath as she went back to that day, that time in her life. Lacy had seemed so sweet and innocent. She wondered now how much of it had been an act. "We hit it off pretty quickly and it wasn't long before we were dating."

She took Lexa's hand in her own, needing the comfort it could provide. Lexa gave it a gentle squeeze, encouraging her to continue. "I have never been ashamed of Avery, of my own stupid choices, yes. But never of her. So, I told Lacy early on about her. The fact that she barely reacted, or didn't ask any questions should have been a big sign, but I didn't see it."

She had already told Lexa about bringing Lacy home with her, but she filled in more detail this time. It was Avery's third birthday that Clarke had dragged her girlfriend too. She thought it would be a good time for the two of them to meet and she was determined to not miss any of her little girl's birthdays if she could avoid it.

She noticed some of the looks that Lacy had given her daughter, but she put it off as the other girl just wasn't used to being around little kids. Avery didn't make it any easier by not letting Clarke out of her sight for even a moment that whole trip. The little girl was so excited to have her mom home and didn't like the interloper that she had brought with her.

"I foolishly thought that they just needed to spend more time together. That eventually they would get used to each other and everything would be fine. I was so stupid."

Lexa wrapped an arm around Clarke and pulled her into her body. She placed a kiss into the other girl's hair, just above her ear. "You are not, and were not stupid. You were optimistic that everything would be fine. You believed that the two people you cared about would care about each other. That's not stupid. You have a big heart and that is part of it."

The sound of Lexa's breathing, and the feel of her body against her own, comforted Clarke in a way she never knew was possible. It was barely there, but even from this position she could faintly hear the other girl's heartbeat. It was calming.

"I came home for Thanksgiving, but Lacy went to her own family dinner. Which I didn't think was a big deal. We'd only been dating a couple months after all. When we were together everything was normal, so I figured everything was good."

"The week before Christmas my mom had to go to a medical conference, she really didn't want to go because she thought it was ridiculous to have one that close to Christmas, but she didn't have much of a choice. My dad decided he would go with her and they'd celebrate their anniversary and have a mini-vacation."

"I have to agree with your mom, a conference that close to Christmas is not cool," Lexa broke in, bringing a little light into the conversation. "Especially because a lot of you doctors don't get to spend that time at home as it is."

"That was her thought too. My dad was just the kind of guy to try and make a positive out of any situation though. His idea was a good one," Clarke added.

"So, what about Avery?"

"My classes ended that same week for winter break, but the day they would need to fly out, I also had my last class which we had an exam so I couldn't miss it. I wouldn't have time to get to LA from San Francisco before they needed to leave. So, we came to a compromise, they'd bring Avery to me and then fly out from there. We'd spend a few days together at my apartment then head home to spend the holidays with my parent's once they got back."

It had all worked out perfectly. Her parents had arrived with a very tired Avery just as she had finished up her last class, and exam of the day. They'd stayed long enough to get the little girl settled and then headed straight to the airport.

"First night was great, just me and Avery spending time together. It had only been a few weeks since I had last saw her, but at only three, she was still growing and changing so fast. My parents were also paying for my apartment. I had a two-bedroom place so that I had room for Avery when she came to visit me. It was all decorated and furnished for her. The first night though we just cuddled in my bed and watched Disney movies until bedtime."

Lexa was starting to dread where this story was going. She knew Clarke well enough to know that whatever was coming she wasn't going to like it anymore than Clarke did.

"Lacy didn't come around until the third day that Avery was there. She actually seemed to take an interest in Avery, enough at least that I thought they were getting used to each other. Avery was still a little put off, but she didn't shy away. Just sat there playing with her toys."

Clarke took a deep breath. She'd only ever told people that she had a big fight with Lacy that night, she'd never delved into why. Now she'd have to relive that day.

_Clarke sat on her couch, keeping an eye on Avery as she played. There was a smile on her face as she watched the little girl explore her creativity. She loved the expressions she'd make as she moved one block and then another, creating some building or something, Clarke couldn't be sure._

_Lacy tucked herself into Clarke side, and she grinned even more. This was nice, just a quiet morning at home with the two people she cared about. She couldn't say she loved Lacy yet, but she enjoyed her company and thought they had a great thing going._

_She didn't notice the grimace on the other girl's face each time she smiled at Avery and not at her. She was to wrapped up in her own hopes for what was to come._

_The ringing of her phone caught them all off guard. Clarke didn't get a whole lot of phone calls, mostly her family and a few friends so she could image who it would be. The fact that it was Becca, her neighbor, made her even more curious. The two women had become friends, but she couldn't image why she would be calling._

_She answered her phone and quickly understood that this call was of the emergency variety. Becca had hurt herself, cut her hand open, while working on a project and couldn't drive herself to the hospital._

" _Will you be okay to watch Avery for a little bit?" Clarke asked Lacy. "I need to get Becca to the hospital, she's hurt pretty bad."_

" _You don't want to take her with you?"_

" _Sitting around in an emergency waiting room for hours isn't exactly fun for a three-year-old. Hopefully it won't take to long, but I can't take her, and Becca really needs someone."_

_Lacy nodded her head in understanding. "Alright, go then."_

" _I'll be back as soon as I can." Clarke walked over and gave Avery a kiss on the top of her head. "You be good for Lacy. I'll be back soon." And then she was out the door._

_It was just under three hours later when she returned home. Luck had been on their side and they had seen a doctor quickly and got Becca stitched up. Clarke had got her all situated at home with a promise to stop by and check on her in a few hours before making her way to her own home._

_The first thing she found unusual was that Lacy was alone in the living room, the TV was on, there was an empty plate on the coffee table, and she was texting on her phone. Avery was nowhere to be seen._

" _Where's Avery?"_

" _She was making too much noise, so I told her to go play in her room," Lacy said offhandedly._

_Clarke growled but she didn't say anything. She tried to tell herself that Lacy just wasn't used to little kids. She'd have a talk with her later about keeping a better eye on kids that small._

_She made her way down the small hallway and her anger rose just a little more to see Avery's door shut. She knew Avery wouldn't shut it herself and Clarke had told Lacy that they didn't close her door. The girl was tall enough now to open doors, but the knobs in her apartment were different then Avery was used to, and they were hard for her to open._

_When Clarke walked into Avery's room, her anger rose even more. Her little girl was laying in the middle of her floor, tears pouring from her eyes. She ran to her side and pulled her into her arms, hugging her close._

" _What's the matter, sweet girl?"_

" _I not mean too, I promise. I tried, but door won't open," Avery spoke in broke sobs._

_Clarke's heart broke at her daughter's words. Avery was beyond upset, and she didn't know why. Until she saw the puddle where her daughter and been laying._

" _I not mean too."_

" _Oh, baby. I know. It was an accident. Even big girls have accidents," Clarke reassured, but inside she was seething. She could tell by the smell and the how it had started to dry that Avery's accident had happened a while ago. "Did you call for help?" She was sure she knew the answer, but she asked anyway._

" _I called, Lacy no come. I called for you, but you not here." Avery's sobs were quieting now that her mom was there, but she was still so upset._

" _I'm sorry, sweetheart. I had to take my friend to the hospital cause she had a big cut on her hand."_

" _Did she get a bandaid?"_

_Clarke tried to smile so that Avery would feel better, but she was barely holding it together. "She did, a really big one."_

" _Mommy, I'm hungry."_

" _You didn't have lunch?" Avery shook her head. Clarke was livid now. She didn't care how much experience Lacy did or didn't have with children, there was no excuse to what she'd now walked into. "Alright let's get you cleaned up and then we'll get some lunch."_

_She wanted to walk out to the living room and throw Lacy out of her house, but Avery needed to be the priority right now. She picked the little girl up and took her to the bathroom to give her a quick bath and wash the pee off her._

_Once Avery was dressed again and back to her happy self, Clarke made her a sandwich. "How about if I let you watch a movie on my bed while you eat?"_

" _For real?" Avery asked excitedly. She never got to eat in the bedroom._

" _For real." She didn't want Avery hearing the argument that was going to be taking place. She got her all settled in before making her way back to the living room._

_Try to stay calm Clarke, don't make a big scene. Maybe it's not as bad as it seems. Inside though she knew it was. When she walked back into the living room Lacy was now talking on the phone. She grabbed it from the other girl's hand and hung up on whoever it was._

" _Hey, that was rude," Lacy protested. "That was an important conversation."_

" _Did you know Avery's door was closed?"_

" _Yeah, she was just so loud, so I closed it."_

_That's strike one. "You closed it, after I told you she can't get it open?"_

" _I forgot, what's the big deal? She's fine."_

_So, you deliberately locked my daughter in her room? Clarke thought to herself. "Did you at least check on her?"_

" _Of course, she was in there playing. Seemed to be enjoying herself."_

" _When's the last time you check on her?"_

" _Like right before you got home. What's with all the questions?"_

" _You checked on her just before I got home, and she was just fine?" Lacy nodded. If Clarke was a violent person she would have punched Lacy by now. The other woman was not only negligent, but she was lying too. "So, you didn't notice she'd had a potty accident?"_

" _No, must have happened after."_

" _Did you give her lunch?"_

" _She never said she was hungry."_

_Clarke's eyes moved down to the plate sitting on the coffee table. "So, you fixed yourself something but it never occurred to you that my toddler might be hungry?"_

_Lacy huffed. "How am I supposed to know if she never says anything."_

" _You mean with all the crying and screaming from the other side of the door never gave you a clue that she needed something" Clarke was losing it now._

_Lacy had a bit of fear in her eyes at this point. She knew she was caught. But she tried to lie her way out of it._

" _Stop, just stop. My daughter is three years old. You feed her lunch whether she asks for it or not because she is a child and you are the adult. She's potty trained, but that only works if she can get to the bathroom. Which also means you never even bothered to even check up on her because her accident happened quite a while ago. I can tell because it had already started to dry to her clothes."_

_She took a step closer and let her anger show. "My little girl was curled up in a ball, crying her eyes out while lying in her own pee and you're in here texting. I want you out of this apartment and I never want to see you again."_

" _You don't mean that."_

" _Yes, I do. Obviously, you don't understand the concept of Avery and I are a packaged deal. She is my number one priority and if you can't even be bothered to watch her for a few hours then I don't need you in my life. Now leave!"_

"She left pretty quickly after that. I found out a few weeks later that I wasn't the only one she'd dug her heels into. There was another girl and a guy as well. She was looking for anyone that would have a high paying job, so she never had to work."

"What a gold digging bitch," Lexa growled. She couldn't believe someone would do that to Avery. Just lock her in a room at only three years old. Her poor baby. Her baby, someday.

"Yep. After that I didn't date. I didn't talk about Avery. I never wanted to let anyone close enough to hurt her like that. By the next day she had forgotten it, but I never did. I never wanted to be in a position for that to happen again."

"I get it, Clarke. I do," Lexa told her. "I can't say it doesn't still hurt, but I understand why."

"Just so we're clear, I know your nothing like her. I did try to tell you so many times, but the words just stayed locked away. It had been so long since I'd talked about her to anyone but family that I could get it out."

"It's okay. It might take some time, but I'll get over it. I'm so sorry you both had to go through that," Lexa told her, sincerely. She could imagine coming home to find her own child in that state when you left them with someone you thought you could trust. "If I ever cross paths with her, I'll find something to arrest her on."

Clarke looked into those green eyes and smiled at how serious Lexa was right then. She knew she would do it, too. "I love you, so much."

Lexa returned the smile. "I love you, too. Let's get home and end this date on a much happier note."

"Deal."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was a big undertaking for me, I hope it came off well. I needed something that was traumatizing to Clarke, but not really to Avery (because if it had done that more permanent damage to Avery of course Clarke would have told her parents.)


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I so did not mean to let you all go this long between chapters. I was having a horrible time trying to get this chapter written. Hopefully it doesn't suck.
> 
> I went and read through all the other chapters to try and find inspiration and man the mistakes. I'll have to go back and fix those someday.

**Chapter 21**

Making their way back to Clarke's house, she felt a million times lighter. She'd finally told someone about Lacy, more importantly she'd told Lexa about that horrible day. She'd never forgive herself for that day, but at least she didn't have to carry it alone anymore.

She reached out and took Lexa's hand in her own as she navigated through the mostly empty streets. "Thanks for tonight. For listening."

Lexa covered their clasped hands with her free one and gave it a gentle squeeze. "No thanks necessary. You can tell me anything, I'll always be here to listen." She was promising Clarke as much as herself.

As they entered the house through the garage door, they only sound that could be heard came from the apartment just above the garage. Derek had taken up residence up there for the time being, which Clarke was happy about. He'd lived there once before when Clarke was a toddler, so it wasn't unfamiliar to him.

With Avery gone for the night, the two women made their way up the stairs and to their room. By unspoken agreement, they both change into sleepwear and crawl into bed, cuddling close together. They weren't ready for sleep yet, they both just felt the need to be together.

"There was something else I wanted to talk to you about," Clarke spoke up finally, breaking the quiet moment.

Inside Lexa had a moment of panic, because what else could there possibly be at this point. She didn't let it show, however. "What's that?"

"Your lease is up soon isn't it?"

Lexa didn't answer right away, trying to figure out where Clarke was going with this. "Yeah, in a few weeks." She hadn't already renewed because at the time she was pretty confident she'd be moving in with Clarke anyway.

"What would you think about moving into my apartment?"

That made Lexa pause. It wouldn't be difficult really, most of her stuff is already over at Clarke's, not that she had a whole lot of belongings to begin with. Her apartment came furnished, so beyond her clothes, kitchen ware, and other essentials there wasn't much move. "You want me to move into your apartment when you're not going to be there."

Clarke smiled, she knew Lexa was confused, but she'd thought a lot about this. It seemed to make the most sense. "That's kind of the point. Hear me out. It'll be at least a month, maybe longer before I can even make it out there to pack everything up. So, it'll just sit there empty. Plus, it's also closer to the station, which is why you've been staying there so much anyway."

She stayed at Clarke's because she was there but being closer to work was a nice bonus. It saved her a lot of commute time. But Clarke also lived in a much pricier area, one that she couldn't afford on her own. "What your saying does make sense, I agree. But I can't afford that rent on my own," she admitted quietly.

"You wouldn't have too…" Clarke started but was interrupted just as quickly.

"No, you can't be paying rent on a place you're not even living. That wouldn't be fair." Lexa jumped right in. It would make her feel to much like she owed Clarke for it. She fully believed they'd survive the distance and she'd make a new home in California, but what happens if she doesn't? Then she'd lose everything, her love and her home.

"If you would have let me finish," Clarke smirked. "You don't have to pay any rent, at least for the next four months."

Lexa studied her seriously, trying to figure out just what her girlfriend was up too. "What are you talking about?"

"Remember I told you my parents paid for my place in college?" Lexa nodded her head. "Well they still haven't stopped. They wanted me to focus on just make it through my internship and my sixty plus hours a week before worrying about finances. That apartment is paid up through July."

"You want me to live there, rent free?"

Clarke knew Lexa worked hard and didn't take things easily. There was no reason why she couldn't talk her into this though. She wasn't going to give up. "Yeah, with the money you save if you really wanted to you could afford to pay what I hope would be the last month or two left out there before coming here."

That sounded fairly practical to Lexa. As Clarke said she would probably be in D.C. a while after the current rent ran out. She'd still have to pay something.

"Although I'd much rather you let me help those other months as well and put your money towards moving here, moving home." Because it already felt like this was home, for both of them now and she could see in Lexa's face that she felt the same way.

"Let's worry about that part when we get to it," Lexa conceded. She was agreeing to this, going against her own pride. What Clarke said though, it did make sense. She'd be closer to work, so she'd have more time to study for her exam. Clarke's place would be occupied so it would keep looters from getting any ideas. The bonus would be she would be surrounded by her girlfriend's stuff so maybe she wouldn't miss her so bad.

"You played this so well. You get out of helping me move," she teased.

Clarke laughed at that. "To true. When the time comes, I'll help you move here, much harder," she promised. "So you'll do it?"

"Yeah, I'll do it. On one condition."

"Anything," Clarke quickly agreed.

"We need to take a nice photo of the three of us that I can hang up there." She briefly wondered if Clarke had any photos of Avery anywhere in the apartment. She'd obviously never noticed any, but that didn't mean she didn't have some put away somewhere where she could look at them if she wanted too.

"That can definitely be arranged."

"Good."

Clarke leaned over and gave Lexa what was meant to be a quick kiss, but quickly turned into much more. It felt like so long since they'd exchanged more than a quick peck, that she immediately lost herself in it. The dance was a familiar one as they laid down next to each other, neither bothering to break the kiss.

It wasn't until Clarke felt Lexa's hand slip under her shirt that her body pulled on the breaks. She broke the kiss and looked at Lexa's loving face. A tear appeared and ran down onto the sheet between them. "I'm sorry," she sniffled.

Lexa immediately wrap her arms around the other woman and pulled her in close. "You have nothing to be sorry about. You're still grieving, and that's okay," she whispered into her ear. "It doesn't change how much I love you. We'll get this back someday."

"What if we never do. That I never feel it again?"

"It probably seems that way right now, but I'm sure you'll want to be intimate again someday. And if you don't, we'll still be okay," Lexa promised. She wasn't with Clarke for sex, it was a nice bonus, but she was with her because she could imagine her life without her.

"Let's just get some sleep, okay?" She encouraged. Lexa knew this day had been emotional for Clarke, after telling her about Lacy, so the other woman really needed sleep.

Clarke nodded her head into Lexa's shoulder and cuddled in closer. As long as she was in Lexa's arms, everything would be okay. She fully believed that.

**~CL~**

The next couple of days went by quickly for the trio. They spent as much time together as they possibly could. Either watching movies or playing games, even just sitting around quietly with each other.

As promised, they took not just one, but several photos together, enough to decorate the whole apartment twice over if Lexa really wanted to print them all. They did buy one of those digital frames for each of them and load all the photos onto them, so all three of them would have those memories until they could be together again.

Abby still spent a good amount of time in her room, but when she did come out she was more engaged then she had been before. She, too, knew their time with Lexa was coming close to an end, but she made her own promise to keep in touch with the other woman. She was part of the family now.

Derek joined them one night to officially announce he was moving back home, to no one's surprise. He would be heading out to Montana the next week to formally quit his job and pack his things up. Clarke and Abby both insisted he stay in the apartment above the garage, at least until he got settled into a new job.

When Saturday morning came, Clarke tried to avoid getting up. It was the first morning she could ever remember wishing it would last longer. She wasn't ready to say goodbye to Lexa.

She laid there, watching the other woman sleep. She ran a delicate hand over a tan shoulder and down her arm, holding tight to her hip. Even in sleep, Lexa leaned into the touch. "I love you so much," she spoke whispered. "I never would have got through this without you."

"You would have," Lexa answered back, pulling herself from sleep. "You would have had Avery, Trish, and Derek there to help you through it."

"I would have," Clarke agreed. "But it's not the same thing. You were my strength."

Lexa smiled at the thought. She was glad that she was able to help Clarke in whatever compacity she could.

They laid there in bed as long as they could, just enjoying the ability to touch each other. Something they would both miss. When they couldn't put it off any longer, the climbed out of bed and dressed quietly.

Lexa had already packed her stuff all up the night before, so it didn't take her long to get everything ready and loaded in the car. Avery wasn't about to be left behind this time, so after quickly getting dressed herself, she joined her mom and Lexa at the car.

The three of the stopped off at a small diner for breakfast since they hadn't eaten yet. There wasn't much conversation flowing between them this time, however. All of them were feeling the weight this day was bringing them. In just two shorts weeks they had really started to feel like a family.

The airport was bustling with travels when they finally made their way there. Clarke found the closest park she could in temporary parking. There was no way she was letting Lexa walk in alone.

She took hold of Lexa's suitcase in her right hand, so she could hold Lexa's with her left. She knew without asking that Avery would want to stay close her girlfriend as well.

"I am so not ready for this," Clarke admitted once they reached the point where they would have to say goodbye.

"Me either," Lexa agreed. "Well talk, we'll text, we'll skype," she reassured. They'd set Lexa up her own skype account and showed her how to use it.

Clarke wrapped an arm around Avery and held her into her side. "As soon as schools out, we'll come see you," she promised. "Right, little one?"

Avery sadly nodded. She pulled away from her mother and ran over and gave Lexa a giant hug. "You promise we'll see you again?"

Clarke cringed at the word promise. So much could happen between them, but she knew that Avery just needed some reassurances.

"I promise we'll see each other again. You'll come visit me soon," Lexa reassured. "I'll do my very best to come home to you and your mom as soon as I can."

"I love you, Lexa."

"I love you, too, sweetheart," Lexa hugged her tight and placed a kiss on her forehead. "You take care of your mom for me."

Once they finally let go, Clarke took her daughter's place and held tight to Lexa. "You be safe out there. No daring heroics," she made Lexa promise. She never voiced how much Lexa being a cop worried her at times. But now she wouldn't be there to yell at the doctors if something did happen. "I love you."

"I love you, too. More than you'll ever know," Lexa held tighter. "I promise, I'll do everything in my power to come back, to come home."

With one last lengthy kiss, the two pulled apart. Clarke and Avery stood there watch as Lexa moved through the line in security and then out of sight.

"Come on, baby girl. Let's head home."


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been having a horrible time trying to figure out where to go now that they are separated so I apologize for another long wait. Sorry no Lexa in this one, but more insight into Clarke and a good moment with Abby.

**Chapter 22**

Sunday morning had Clarke stretching as she woke. She reached for Lexa, only to remember that the other woman had gone home the day before. Clarke and Avery had spent the night before watching movies, trying to pretend that their hearts weren't broken from being separated.

With a quick look towards the bedside clock, she knew it would be pointless to try and go back to sleep. She threw off the covers and stretched again as she climbed out of bed. She contemplated getting dressed for a minute but the remember she had no where to go. It felt like the perfect day to stay in her pajamas all day. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been able to do that.

She made her way across the hallway and opened Avery's door. There was enough sunlight coming in through the curtains for her to watch the steady rise and fall of her daughter's breathing. She leaned up against the door frame and just watched her child sleeping.

She'd missed being able to do this. She missed out on so much. She couldn't believe how lucky she was to have an amazing child like Avery. She never knew how much she could love someone until they'd laid a screaming infant on her chest. Avery had squinted at her, adjusting to the light and calmed almost immediately. A bond was created the moment their eyes met.

Not that getting pregnant at sixteen had been in her plan. She was sure that was in no one's plan. The whole thing had scared the crap out of her.

_Clarke woke with terrible nausea. She'd barely made it to the bathroom before she lost what little was in her stomach. She'd barely eaten the day before. She hadn't forced herself to eat. She had been far to emotional saying goodbye to her best friend. She still couldn't believe he was gone._

_After she cleaned herself up, she convinced herself that she'd just made herself sick with everything going on. It had been a hard week. She'd spent a lot of time with Trish, helping the older girl plan her brother's funeral. She'd fallen asleep in his bed more than a few times, just hoping he'd walk through the door. He never did._

_As a week went by and there was no ease to her nausea, Clarke started to worry that maybe something more was wrong. She tried to come up with an illness that would explain it, but only one result came to mind._

_When she couldn't deny the possibility any longer, she snuck out of the house early one morning and went to the nearest 24-hour pharmacy. She was grateful that her parents were still asleep when she returned home and doubled timed it up the stairs to her bathroom._

_She sat on the edge of the bathtub while she waited for time to go by. They'd been so careful, after that first time when it hadn't even been a thought, they'd made sure to take precautions. She was barely sixteen years old. What was she going to do if the test came out positive?_

_When time was up and she forced herself to look at the small screen a part of her was terrified. There was another part of her though that was happy. It was small, and the terror was right at the forefront, but there was a small bit of excitement that while Tom was gone, a part of him would still be here._

_She had no idea what she was going to do._

Clarke pulled away from the door frame and closed Avery's door before heading down the stairs. She went straight for the kitchen and went through the motions of starting the coffee maker. It only verified how early it still was, usually her mom at least beats her to making the coffee.

Making herself some toast, she took her small breakfast over to the table and let herself get lost in the memories again. The terror had been so profound all through her pregnancy. So much so that her mother had found her bawling on the couch when she was about six months along.

" _Clarke, honey, what's wrong?" Abby asked, worriedly as she took a seat next to her daughter and pulled the girl into her arms. "Are you in pain?"_

" _I don't know if I can do this," Clarke cried out. She wiped at her eyes, but the tears continued to come._

" _Do what?"_

" _This!" she answered, pointing at her stomach. "I can't be a mom. I don't know how. I'm going to screw her up so badly."_

" _Oh honey. You won't screw her up. You'll be fine," Abby reassured her daughter. "You think I had a clue what I was doing when you were born? You figure it out as you go."_

" _You had dad. I'm alone."_

" _And you'll have the both of us," Abby told her firmly._

_Clarke grabbed a tissue off the side table and blew her nose. "It's not the same thing. I'm alone in this. Her father's gone, she won't have one."_

" _Do you want to reconsider putting her up for adoption?" Abby asked softly. They'd already discussed this at length and decided that they'd keep the baby. All of them wanting that small piece of Tom that was left in the form of the child growing within Clarke. She hated to think of her grandchild out there somewhere, but if it's what Clarke wanted, she'd support her._

_To her relief, Clarke shook her head. "I don't want that. I just don't know how I'm going to do this."_

" _Well, whatever happens, you'll always have your father and I. We'll do anything we can to help you."_

_Just hearing those words help ease Clarke's fear of what was to come. She could do this with her parents help. She just hoped she didn't screw this all up to badly._

Clarke took a sip of her coffee as she remembered making the decision to leave Avery behind with her parents. She hadn't made that one lightly. She'd been torn over it for weeks as she looked through her college acceptance letters.

_Clarke laid all the acceptance letters out on her desk and gave each one special attention. She had applied to over a dozen colleges in an effort to give her a choice of where to go. Before Avery she'd had it all laid out which college and med school she wanted to attend. Now though she had the little person who was sitting on the floor beside her, playing with her soft blocks to consider._

_There was only one school nearby that accepted her and it wasn't one she particularly wanted to attend. The closest school she wanted to seriously consider was almost 400 miles away. She couldn't decide._

_Climbing off her chair, she sat down on the floor in front of Avery and helped her daughter build a tower, while the girl babbled nonsensically._

" _What do you think baby girl? What should mommy do?"_

" _Mamama," Avery squealed and threw herself at Clarke._

_Clarke caught her baby girl and held her in a tight embrace. She was starting to realize there really was only two choices. Either take Avery with her and force the girl to endure hours in day care, followed by hours playing by herself while Clarke studied._

_The other choice tore her heart apart just thinking about it, but it was probably the better choice for her daughter. She could leave her daughter here where she'd have two parents to care for her. She wouldn't have to spend as much time in the care of others._

_She'd just have to make the most of the time she did have with her daughter. "Mommy loves you so much baby girl."_

To this day she still believes it was the best choice for Avery, but she'd never get back all the years she lost. Or wonder if she should have just chosen a different career path that wouldn't have taken her so far away.

"What are you thinking about over there?" Abby asked as she rolled herself into the kitchen. She'd noticed Clarke deep in thought and it didn't look entirely pleasant.

Clarke sighed and played with her mug. "I'm just wondering if I did the right thing."

That really didn't tell Abby anything. She poured her own drink before rolling towards her daughter. "Right thing with what?"

"Anything." Clarke ran a hand across her face. "Leaving, choosing my education and career over my daughter."

Abby reached out and laid a comforting hand on her daughter's arm. "You didn't do that."

"I did."

"No, you didn't," Abby stated firmly.

"I was so selfish."

"Clarke, you are the least selfish person I know. You think about everyone's needs before your own. You always have." Abby held up a hand to stop Clarke from talking when she saw she was about to be interrupted. "Being selfish would have been taking Avery with you, that would have been for your own benefit, to have her close. You knew this when you decided to leave her behind. You made the choice to leave her here because it was better for her."

Clarke nodded because she knew her mother was right, at least on that point. "I still left. I could have chosen a different career that would have kept me here."

"No, you couldn't have. You've wanted this since the first time you came to work with me when you were, eight, I think."

Clarke vaguely recalled that day. She couldn't remember the reason she had to spend the day at the hospital while her mother worked, but she'd loved every minute of it. Learning some of the things her mother did, and meeting some of her patients.

"And what about Lexa? If you'd have chosen a different path…" Abby left it open for Clarke to figure out what she was getting at.

"I might never have met her." And that thought alone hurt Clarke in ways she couldn't imagine. Next to Avery, Lexa was her everything. She couldn't think of a world that didn't have Lexa in it.

"I think that girl was meant to be in your life," Abby admitted. "I really like her. And she's so good with Avery."

Clarke smiled at the thought of the two of them together. "Yeah, those two bonded quickly. I'm so happy about that."

"I still can't believe you never told her. If I was her I would have been so pissed at you for having that sprung on me," Abby admitted. She was teasing more than anything, but she was serious too. That was a lot for someone to take in like that.

"Yeah, I know. I tried though, I really did. I opened my mouth so many times. The words just never came. Thanks to Lacy."

"Still maintain she was a bitch."

"Mom!"

"Am I wrong?" Clarke shook her head. "Didn't think so. Does Lexa know the whole story now?"

"She does. She says she understands. I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop though." She knew Lexa could have walked out and never came back. Or at the very least yelled at her. None of that had happened. She worried it would only be a matter of time.

"It may happen eventually. You just have to remember to give her the same understanding she gave you if it does happen."

Clarke knew her mom was right. If Lexa did become upset with the situation, she would have to give her room to do so. She was the one that had screwed all this up. She'd have to pay the price for it.

"Not to change the subject, but how are you doing?" Clarke asked hesitantly.

"I have good moments and I have bad ones," Abby admitted. "I can deal with my body not working right, even if it's hard at times. But I miss your father like crazy. I don't know if I'll ever get used to him being gone."

Clarke didn't know what to say. She felt the same way. She kept waiting for him to walk in the door, or her phone to ring and his name to appear. It didn't seem possible that they'd never see him again. "I know what you mean."

"Is Avery still going back to school tomorrow?"

"Yeah, unless you don't think she should. I think she wants to though." Clarke didn't want to leave her mother out of these decisions at least for now. Abby had raised Avery these last eight years.

"No, that's fine. It'll be good for her to get back into routine. What about you? What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I guess I'll start looking for some residencies around here. Hopefully I can find one. Worst case scenario is I have to wait until next year." She hoped it wouldn't be that long, but she wasn't sure she was ready to go back to work right now, so if it took awhile it wouldn't be too bad.

"We have to go in for my appointment tomorrow. We can talk to my chief, see if there's anything he can do." Abby did voice it, but with her gone, even if they didn't have room for another resident, they were down a surgeon and might welcome the extra help enough to make room.

"That sounds good," Clarke agreed. She wouldn't mind working in her mother's hospital. It would be such a shock, she'd grown up there, she knew the people and her way around. It would make it a lot easier to catch up.

Maybe, just maybe, she'd make it through this ordeal and come out stronger on the other side. As she cleaned up her breakfast dishes, she was almost excited for what the future might hold for all of them.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to those that have been patient with me and for all the lovely reviews. I really do enjoy them.
> 
> This chapter technically takes place before the last one. I had this idea after I uploaded the last one. Also I've never used texting in my fics before but this story I may have to use it a lot while they are apart. So that's new for me.

**Chapter 23**

Leaving Clarke and Avery at the security check point in the airport was even harder than Lexa could ever have imagined. She held her emotions in check as she made her way towards her gate. She'd only just left them, and she was already second guessing her decision to leave them. Would it really be worth it in the long run? What would be so bad about potentially starting from the bottom again?

She'd finally found a family and now she was walking away from them. She knew it wasn't forever, but it still hurt like it was. She just had to keep reminding herself that it was just for a few months and before she knew it she would be back here permanently.

She made her way through the throng of people and found her gate. She still had a while to go before her flight would board so she pulled her phone out and started looking through all the pictures they'd taken. She couldn't wait to get some of them printed and hung up.

She saved one Avery had snapped of her and Clarke snuggling on the couch as her lock screen, but she flipped through until she found one of all three of them to save as her wallpaper. Abby had taken this one. Clarke and Lexa had been sitting at the kitchen table when Avery came up behind them and wrapped an arm around both of them and squished her face between them.

She'd only known Avery for two weeks and yet she was already forgetting what life without her had been like. She'd wormed her way into Lexa's heart and claimed a place in it.

She made her way over to the line when they announced they were now boarding her flight. She pushed her way through the people trying to find her seat. She placed her small bag in the overheard compartment and then took her seat by the window. She looked out and saw the runway in the distance as another plane lifted off. She felt a bit of unease in the pit of her stomach.

Catching movement out of the corner of her eye, she turned to find an elderly lady taking the seat beside her. The older woman gave her a soft smile and then focused on settling herself into the seat.

As the plane began making it's way down the runway, Lexa gripped the arm rests tightly. She breathing sped up as she closed her eyes tight.

"Nervous flyer?" she heard come from beside her.

Lexa opened one of her eyes to look in her direction. The gentle look on her face calmed Lexa down a little and she opened both eyes and nodded her head. "I mean, this is only my second flight, but the first one… I had something to focus on." She had been so concerned with Clarke she hadn't really thought about the plane.

"Ah, I see. I'm Mellie by the way," the older woman held out her hand.

"Lexa," Lexa told her, give her hand a soft shake.

"I take it your head home then?" Mellie asked.

Lexa gave it a moments pause as she thought over the question. "Back to where I live, yes." Because home was now in California with two blue-eyed blondes.

Mellie seemed to understand as she gave a soft nod in response. "Leaving home then, leaving your family behind?"

"Yeah," Lexa answered. "My girlfriend's father passed away and her mom got hurt so she is moving back home, but I have to go back."

"Oh that's a hard one. Long distance is always hard, but if you can make it through it, you'll be stronger than ever."

"I hope so. I can't imagine life without Clarke by my side. She's everything to me. They both are."

The plural didn't slip past Mellie. "You guys have a child I take it."

Lexa smiles but shakes her head. "My girlfriend has a daughter. She's a Clarke mini-me so I can't help but love her." Lexa pulled out her phone and showed Mellie her new wallpaper.

"You three are adorable and so young."

There was no judgement in Mellie's voice, but Lexa still couldn't help but feel protective of her girlfriend. "Mistakes were made in Clarke's past, but Avery isn't one of them."

"I understand that. Kids don't always come when you want them too, but they are almost always worth it in the end."

Lexa smiled because that was one thing she could totally understand. Her case was different from what Mellie was talking about, but the point still held. Lexa never expected to be a mother, especially to a have grown child at this point in her life, but with the way things were going, that's exactly what was going to happen. "She's a sweetheart for sure. She's so much like her mother it's crazy."

"How is she taking the move?" Mellie asked.

"She's happy to have her mother home, but she's upset that I had to leave." Lexa saw the inquisitive look on Mellie's face and realized that answer needs more explanation. "Avery has been living in California with her grandparents. Clarke was training to be a surgeon out in D.C. so with the long hours she'd be working she thought leaving Avery in California would be better for her."

"Oh, the poor dear, she's probably suffering with everything that's happened then. Losing her grandfather and everything," Mellie told her sadly.

"She's taking it pretty hard. It was a big reason Clarke knew she needed to move home. I understand where she's coming from, it just sucks that we'll have to be apart for a while. We were just getting to the good part of our relationship." She had been looking forward to one of them caving and asking the other to move in together. She knew it had been coming, but now that would have to put on hold for a while longer.

She wasn't sure how she was going to be able to sleep either, without Clarke next to her. Even without living together, they still spend most of their free time together. And then the last two weeks they'd barely left each other's side.

"Well, if it makes you feel better, I think you two will make it work." The older lady gave her a pat on the shoulder in comfort. You sound like a strong couple."

"I hope so. These next few months just need to fly by, so I can be with them again. I hate that I have to be apart from them for so long." Lexa sighed and laid her head back against the seat.

"Do you mind me asking why you're going back?"

"I've been working towards becoming a detective and it's still a few months away before I can take my exam. If I left my job now, even if I managed to find another job in California, I risk pushing that back." She didn't know if that was true or how far it could potentially be pushed back, but a part of her did want to risk it anyway. Clarke would never let her though.

"Two ambitious women," Mellie teased. It was refreshing to see two women who had goals and were trying their hardest to achieve them. Even though the sacrifices were high. "It's that ambition that will get you through this I believe. Your drive to get through this and be together again."

Mellie was like the grandmother Lexa always wished she had. Encouraging her and making her feel better about everything. "Thanks, it's nice to hear, really."

"You know, not everyone has that. My grandson, Luke, he went through something similar. His boyfriend got into law school across the country and Luke was torn. He loved Drew, but following him, would mean leaving his entire life behind. He planned for a while to finish his own schooling and then move, but it just got to be too hard. In the end they broke up. Luke found a really sweet young man who he's been seeing, it's still new, but I'm hopeful."

"There's really nothing tying me down to D.C. outside my job. It's just the place I happened to be living when I left foster care." She never talked about her childhood, but there was something about Mellie that made it easy to talk to her.

"That's why it will work. You have something to look forward too. A reason to pass that exam and move on. Think of it as the ultimate reward for a job well done." Mellie gave her a giant smile and even a small chuckle.

"I like the sound of that."

The two women continued talking through the flight and Lexa could hardly believe it when they announced they would be landing soon. Even that went a lot smoother because Mellie kept her attention on the conversation.

The airport was even more packed as she tried to make her way to baggage claim and find her small suitcase. She ordered a car to come pick her up, but she was torn between going to her own apartment or to Clarke's. She finally chose Clarke's just as the car arrived for her. She needed to be around the other woman's things if she couldn't be with her.

Opening the door, she was immediately hit with a sense of comfort. This was as close to home as she'd ever had, until California. Still she would take what she could get from it.

She moved through the apartment and headed to the bedroom to put her things down. The bed was still torn apart from the hurried scramble to leave. Clothes thrown on the floor from the night before that brought a smile to her face. That was a good night, up until that phone call anyway.

There was a small part of her that could help but be curious about things she had never seen in this apartment. She made her way over to the second bedroom and starred at the door that had always remained closed. Lexa had never given it much thought before, but now she wondered.

She opened the door and looked around the room. It was mostly sparse, but the bedding on the twin bed did suggest it was for a younger girl. There were also a few pictures around the room of Clarke and Avery together over the years. The evidence had been here all along, Lexa just didn't know to look.

There weren't really many things in the closet or dresser, but that made sense. Avery still probably grew a lot between visits, so she would likely just have to bring whatever she would need. There were a few books and keepsakes though that suggested she'd at least spent some time here.

She backed out of the room but left the door open. There was no reason for it to be closed now. Even if small, it was something of Avery's she had to look at.

She spent the rest of the night cleaning up around the place. There was a lot of bad food that needed to be thrown out after two weeks. There were a few things scattered around the living room she straightened up. The biggest plus to Clarke's apartment was the washer and dryer. Lexa didn't have that at her place, they had a community one down in the basement.

A beeping on her phone brought a smile to her face.

**Clarke:** You make it home okay?

Lexa suddenly felt bad. She should have called Clarke to let her know she had made it back. Or at least sent her a text.

**Lexa:** Well I'm back in D.C. but I wouldn't call it coming home.

**Clarke:** I know what you mean.

I miss you.

**Lexa:** I miss you, too.

Another conversation came in, this one from Avery.

**Avery:** Mom says your home, so I can text you now. She's been really sad. We miss you.

**Lexa:** I miss you guys too.

**Avery:** I just wanted to say goodnight since Mom said you'd probably be going to bed soon.

**Lexa:** Your mom knows me to well. Goodnight sweetheart. I'll talk to you later.

She switched back to Clarke.

**Lexa:** Goodnight baby. I love you.

**Clarke:** Love you, too. Talk to you tomorrow.

As she got ready for bed, Lexa made a mental note of everything she had to do the following day. First off would be to head to her place and talk to her landlord. Then pack up anything essential she would need. She'd grab the rest in the next week or two depending on how much time she was given to clear out. Then she would need to go grocery shopping. And last, but not least, Skype with her girls. She needed to see them.

She went to bed that night with a smile on her face as she thought about the family that was waiting for her to return home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story Mellie tells about her grandson is based off my cousin Logan, he's one of my favorite people and I'm glad he's found a new guy that treats him well.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not realize it had been so long since I updated. Wow I so didn't mean to leave it that long. I'll try not to again, I just have such a hard time making myself write these days but I do want to finish this story as much for myself as for those that are still reading it.
> 
> Maybe a I need a beta just to keep me on task. LOL

**Chapter 24**

Monday morning came much quicker than any of them were ready for. Clarke had set an alarm the night before just to be sure she was awake in time to get Avery ready for school, but of course she was awake almost ten minutes before it was due to go off. She deactivated the alarm before it could go off but didn't get up just yet.

When she decided it was time to get up for real, she made her way across the hall and entered Avery's room. She moved to the bed and sat down on the edge. She ran a soft hand through the girl's blonde locks. "Avery, sweetie, time to get up."

Avery groaned and tried to roll away, which made Clarke laugh. "Come on, you need to get up and get ready for school."

"No, sleep," Avery mumbled as she tried to hold on to sleep.

"Sorry, little one. No more sleep. If you get up right now and jump in the shower, I'll go start on breakfast."

"Pancakes?" Avery asked, trying to force her eyes to stay open.

Clarke smiled and nodded. "If that's what you want." She hadn't made pancakes for her daughter in far to long. Avery always said she preferred Clarke's over anyone else's because they were so thick and fluffy. Clarke tended to believe however it was because her's soaked in the syrup giving Avery even more sugar.

Avery jumped out of bed and ran for the bathroom. Clarke took that as a cue to head down to the kitchen and get started on breakfast. She turned the coffee pot on first though, she was going to need it and she knew her mom would also be up soon.

She placed a pan on the stove and turned it on to let it warm up while she mixed up the batter. She'd learned from her father that letting the pan heat up first was the secret to not burning the first pancake. He'd taught her so much about cooking, it made her sad he wasn't here to teach her any new secrets he'd learned.

Grabbing the stuff out of the cupboard, she started mixing up the batter, before deciding to add a little more in hopes that maybe her mom would decide to eat something if she fixed it. She laid three plates out on the table in an attempt to be optimistic.

Just as she was setting the stack of pancakes on the table, Avery came bouncing into the room with her bookbag in hand. She hooked it over her chair before taking a seat and digging into the stack. "Is grandma going to eat with us?" she asked, noticing the extra plate.

"I hope so," Clarke told her. In fact maybe she'd try even harder. Clarke made her way to her mom's room and knocked on the door. She was pretty sure the other woman was awake, just not ready or willing to get out of bed yet.

"Mom, I cooked breakfast," she called through the door. "Avery was hoping you'd eat with us before I took her to school." Using Avery might have been a little underhanded, but she really hoped they'd get her mom to start coming out more.

If not the house would be awfully quiet with Avery in school. Clarke would have to find some way to occupy her time if she couldn't find a residency just yet.

She made her way back to the kitchen and just as she was taking a seat at the table she heard her mom's door open and the wheels of her wheelchair making their way closer. With barely a nod in their direction, Abby poured herself some coffee and then wheeled over to the table and took her place. She took a single pancake and lightly buttered it and added minimal syrup before taking a bite.

She didn't say anything, but to Clarke it was better than nothing. At least she was here, and she was eating. Clarke would take that small win.

"You all ready for school?" she turned to her daughter instead.

Avery nodded as she took another bite. "I think so. I got all those assignments done they sent home," she answered once she'd finished chewing. "I'll get to see my friends too," she said with a smile. She hadn't really talked to anyone outside her household for weeks.

"Alright, finish eating then. I wanted to get to your school a little early so I can talk to your teacher and see if there's anything else we need to do." She also new some changes needed to be made to Avery's paperwork.

"You going to come with us too, grandma?" Avery asked the other woman.

Abby looked over at Avery like she was considering it, but in the back of her mind she was thinking about having to push her damaged body out of the house and into the car and then to go into a school where everyone would stare. She wasn't ready for that. "Not this time, sweetie."

Avery sighed, but she didn't seem to upset. Clarke hurt for her daughter, but she knew Avery was smart enough to at least in some way know why her grandmother was acting the way she was.

"I'll should be back in plenty of time to take you to your appointment," Clarke told her mother. Hopefully, with some physical therapy it would help her mom in more than just physical. If her mother could start to feel more confident in her abilities, she'd focus less on her limitations. But she also knew that was easier said than done.

The drive to Avery's school was mostly silent. Clarke wasn't used to Avery being so quiet but going back to school after everything that happened couldn't be easy. Avery was curled up in her seat with her head rested on the window. This was further evidence that the young girl was nervous.

"I'm sure Sydney will be happy to see you," Clarke tried, mentioning Avery's best friend, other than Clarke of course, according to her daughter. Sydney had called Avery a few times, but Avery had only answered once and only talked to her for a few minutes. It made Clarke sad to see her daughter so withdrawn. "Did you tell her you were coming back today?"

"I sent her a text this morning, she didn't answer though."

"Maybe she didn't get it."

"Maybe," Avery agreed. "Her parents try to keep her and her sisters off their phone until after school."

On one side of it, Clarke could understand that decision, trying to keep their kids more focused on school until it was over. She knew Sydney had two sisters in middle school, so that probably wasn't easy to enforce. The other side of it, the side that had spent so much time away from her child didn't understand it. Sometimes first thing in the morning was the only chance Clarke had been able to converse with her daughter.

"Well either way she'll be glad to see you."

Clarke parked in the visitors parking lot and walked with Avery towards the front doors. The kids were all still outside waiting to be called inside for the day to begin so she was glad to have a few minutes to talk to her daughter's teacher.

Walking through the halls, Clarke was hit with memories of her own years here. She was glad her child was attending the same school she had since it was one of the best schools in the area. Avery's teacher however was new, she was probably closer to Clarke's age.

Actually, she was quite surprised when she realized who Avery's teacher was. She knew of course that Mrs. Green was the name of Avery's teacher, but she'd never realized that was the married name of someone she'd went to school with.

"Harper, you're a teacher?" Clarke laughed as she walked over to the woman's desk. "More to the point, you're my kid's teacher?"

"Clarke, wow, it's been a long time," Harper laughed, standing up to give the girl a quick hug. "Yeah, I've been teaching here for a few years now. I didn't realize at first Avery was your daughter until I had to send out her first report card and saw your name on her file."

"Yeah she's been living with my parents while I was going to med school."

"You always did want to be a doctor," Harper remembered. She'd never asked why her student lived with her grandparents but now she understood. "I'm sorry about your dad."

"Thanks. We're still trying to digest it. It's been hard."

"I'm sure," she placed a comforting hand on the other woman's shoulder. "If there's anything you or Avery need, don't hesitate to ask."

"Thanks. Actually, I came to see if there was anything else we need to do to make sure Avery is all caught up."

Harper turned to Avery, "Did you finish those assignments we sent home?"

Avery opened her backpack and pulled them all out. "All of them," Avery said.

"Good, then you should be good."

"Alright, well you alright if I leave you then little one?" Clarke asks. She doesn't want to leave if Avery is still nervous. She knows she can't stay here all day, but she could maybe wait a little longer if she needed too.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Avery told her mother. In truth she's still trying to digest that her mother knows her teacher. That was a little weird, even for her.

"Give me a hug then," Clarke told her. Avery did as she was told, and Clarke was just glad she hadn't reached an age where she would refuse. "I'll pick you up after school." She knew Avery could get home on her own, but she wanted too, she'd missed this part of her life. She got down so she was more on Avery's level, "if you need anything, or you want me to come get you sooner, just let me know." Avery nodded.

Clarke got up and turned to Harper. "It was good to see you again, even if I was surprised. Wasn't expecting you, _Mrs. Green_ ," she stressed the name.

Harper held out her hand to show her ring. "I got married a couple years ago. Maybe you know him, he's a doctor."

Green was a common last name, but in the back of her mind Clarke tried to connect her to anyone she knew. "Monty, you married Monty."

"You do know him."

"A lot better than you would think. Ask him about it some time," Clarke told her.

"You two didn't…" Harper said hesitantly.

Clarke laughed. "Nothing like that, but we did go to med school together and then he was my mom's fellow."

"Oh, that is kind of funny. The world is small."

"It sure is," Clarke agreed. "Anyway, I'll let you get back to doing whatever you were doing. See you later, Avery."

Clarke made her way back towards the front of the school and opened the door to the office. "I'm Clarke Griffin, Avery Griffin's mom. I need to make some changes to her file."

"Oh of course," the secretary jumped up. "The principal actually wanted to see you if you stopped in, let me go tell him you're here." She took off through the door behind her.

Clarke stood there awkwardly for a moment until the door opened again and the secretary motioned her inside. "He's ready for you."

"Hello Miss Griffin, I'm Marcus Kane," he introduced himself and held out a hand. Clarke took it and gave it a firm shake. "Why don't you take a seat," he motioned to the chair in front of his desk. While she sat, he went over to a large file cabinet and started looking for something.

"There it is," he said to himself and pulled a manila folder out of the drawer. He placed it in front of her. "I'm assuming you're here to make some changes."

"That's correct," Clarke told him. "Obviously, my father needs to be taken off as a contact and I'm not even sure if I'm in her file."

Principle Kane smiled sadly at her and opened it to the information page. "Actually, you are. Your parents made us make a special contact notation in there."

"Special notation?" Clarke asked curiously.

"When they enrolled her, they explained the situation to me about your schooling. They said they understood you couldn't be place in the file as an emergency contact for things like illness or injury that needed her to be picked up as you were to far away. But if it came down to something where you wouldn't need to be physically present to handle, we could call you if we couldn't get a hold of either of them."

Clarke had no idea they had done that. They'd never told her. She was glad they had included her though.

Kane pulled out a new contact sheet for Clarke to fill out. "Here's a new sheet so you can change what needs to be changed," he told her as he slid it across the desk.

"I've moved back home and with my mom in the condition she's in, I'm now going to be her primary contact," She told him as she picked up a pen and started in on the page. She copied over all the information that would be the same, including leaving Abby's work number just in case. "She won't be working for a while, but I don't know what the future holds," she told him.

"I understand, you can always make changes later if you need too."

Clarke finished the page and was about to hand it back to the principle when she had a thought. "Can I add a new special contact?"

"Well, um…"

Clarke could see the indecision on Kane's face. She realized when her parents had done it, there had been a special reason, but now maybe not so much. Still she had to try. "It's just my girlfriend had to go come to D.C. but hopefully she'll eventually be living with us and be a regular contact," she explained.

"I guess that will be fine," he conceded.

"Thanks," she smiled. She quickly added Lexa's name and number, then handed the page back. "That should do it then."

"Well it is good to finally meet you Clarke. I don't know if you knew I was a friend of your father's?"

Clarke was stunned because she didn't know. "No, I didn't."

"Yeah, we've known each other since we were kids. We only reconnected the last couple years though. He talked about how proud he was of you all the time."

Clarke could feel her eyes fill with tears. "Thanks. That means a lot to me. I should let you get back to work."

"Of course. Hope you have a good rest of your day."

Clarke could only nod as she made quick work out the door. She managed to make it all the way to the car before the tears began to pour. She wiped the tears and made herself presentable again before turning on the car and heading home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry no Lexa in this one, hopefully she'll be in the next one but man these chapters end up going longer than I planned. Also I never planned on using to many of the other The 100 characters so their placement is never thought out, just happens in the moment but I like Harper and Kane in their roles now.


End file.
